Saturday, April 26, 2025

Saturday, April 26, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2004. Mattie was two years old. I absolutely love this photo! I was trying to snap a picture of Mattie, and as you can see he was intrigued by the camera (yes a real camera--pre iphone). Mattie was reaching for the camera in hopes of exploring that gadget! My nickname for Mattie was gadget boy, because he truly was intrigued by how things worked and quickly learned how to use tools and gadgets to take apart and re-assemble his toys! Mattie started doing this at age 2, and I figured all children did this, until I realize this was an unique skill of Mattie's!

Quote of the day: No matter how bleak or menacing a situation may appear, it does not entirely own us. It can’t take away our freedom to respond, our power to take action. ~ Ryder Carroll

This afternoon, I spent several hours outside in my backyard weeding! Weeding at my house is a full time job! I am absolutely in love with these irises. A local artist gave me bulbs from her garden. She literally handed them to me in plastic buckets. Frankly I never planted or grew irises so I wasn't sure if I could get them to take. Aren't they absolutely glorious? I do not know if I love the purple or pink ones better! But what I do know is I have never seen a pink iris before!

On Thursday, I bought roses to replace the one's my husband planted in our backyard when we moved into our house in 2021. I happen to love roses, and he planted several rose gardens in the backyard that are glorious. But the pots housed his heirloom roses. Each of those special roses died this winter from the snow. 

So today I went outside and replanted new roses into these pots, with the hopes that they will take. I bought different colors. This is a vibrant yellow. 

This one will be a pretty pink!

This may look yellow, but it is actually an orangey yellow. 

This one is purple, though I admit it photographs pink. If you have been following along this week, they you know I have been struggling with carpal tunnel syndrome. It has been so bad that it kept me up for two nights. 

In theory I should not have been outside digging, pulling weeds, and planting. Literally my hand was bothering me all day. But here's the funny thing, after doing all that planting, my hands and arms feel better than they have all week. I am hoping this is a trend. 

Friday, April 25, 2025

Friday, April 25, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2003. Mattie was one years old and was beginning to toddle around. Mattie was born to walk and run, he skipped crawling altogether. It just did not interest him. I absolutely love this photo that I captured. We had it on our refrigerator for years. When Mattie was a preschooler, I took a photo by this coffee table again and had Mattie compare it to this photo. It always made Mattie chuckle to see how much he had grown! To me this photo was simply precious. 

Quote of the day: Our character is basically a composite of our habits. ~ Stephen Covey

I was up again this morning from 2am to 3:30am. What woke me up? A numb hand and fingers. I am currently dealing with another bout of carpal tunnel syndrome. It is worse than ever and almost impossible to get comfortable. My first experience with carpal tunnel was during pregnancy. I remember after I gave birth to Mattie, I could hardly hold or carry him, because my right hand and arm would go numb. Pregnancy fluid impacted the median nerve in my hand. Back then I saw a doctor, who gave me a hand brace, and over time it helped. Now I do not have time to rest my hand and arms, so it is harder to recover. I am hoping the brace, Advil, and ice help, because I can't keep having sleepless nights when my days are so full. 

Given that the HVAC expert was supposed to come between 8 and 8:30am, I had to get up at 5:30am, in order to get myself ready and manage my dad. Nothing went according to plan today. My dad is dealing with constipation, which is like hell on earth for me to manage. Because of his dementia, he perseverates on this issue every minute! I wasn't sure I could get him to his memory care center, but I alerted them to the issue and I will be spending the weekend, trying to resolve this issue. Meanwhile, the HVAC person never showed up! When I tell you I was on the phone five times today, complaining, I am not kidding. I explained to the dispatcher what I had to do to get ready for an 8am tech visit. Truly by the time I finished with this company, they did not know what hit them. Got lots of apologizes! By 1pm, I had it! I told them, I had to take my mom out (who was circling around me and getting antsy to go out), and that the tech had to come at 4pm. 

Thankfully Jonathan (who helped me two weeks ago) returned. Within an hour, he deduced the problem. Apparently there is a wireless connection from the outside condenser to the inside control panel. It needed to be re-established. Truly it is all over my head, but within two hours, the air conditioning was working! He is a miracle worker! The company is coming back out next week to do maintenance on the system, to keep it running efficiently. I have the furnace and air conditioning systems inspected yearly, in order to preserve their lives. I thought the fix today was going to be a disaster, it turned out to be easy and once again (like two weeks ago) he did not charge me for this service. But the upstairs has been freezing all winter, and recently the thermostat upstairs read 80 degrees. 

I have come across a website called Daily Motivation News. Somehow I just LOVE the title, and this is the second day I have read an article on the site and loved it. Today's article was, People who make their bed every morning without fail tend to have these 7 quiet strengths.

This article resonated with me. I have made my bed every day since I was a teenager. Prior to that, as a child, my grandmother made my bed. So you could say I grew up in a household where I learned that this is the first thing you do in the morning. However, this activity just resonates with me. So when I saw the title of this article, I couldn't wait to hear the 7 strengths making a bed reveals about a person. Here's what I think about the 7 strengths (which I listed below).... they are spot on! I had no idea how much making a bed could reveal about a person, but it is true. One small task that you start the day with, cascades into being able to accomplish more things! 

I remember when I was in graduate school, other students would ask me..... do you ever sleep? It was said in jest, and yet it wasn't! I am aware that I have the capacity to do the work of ten people at times. When you train yourself to do daily tasks, I have found that enables your body and mind to take on MORE. As crazy as that sounds, it is true. Now all that said about self-discipline and awareness, making my bed is also a direct link to my type A personality and strong desire for order, cleanliness, and structure. I thrive of these things, and seriously I have gone into friends' homes and if I see their bed unmade, guess what I do? YES I MAKE IT! My brain doesn't like to see the chaos of rumbled sheets and blankets. Any case, check out these 7 things, and perhaps they resonate with you too!

1. They embrace self-discipline (By making your bed every morning, you send a message to yourself that you’re in charge of your day, not the other way around. It’s this subtle act of self-respect, a reminder that you have the power to direct even the smallest details of your life.)
2. They practice mindful awareness (This isn’t just busywork; it’s a mini exercise in mindfulness.)
3. They start their day with a sense of accomplishment (If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day.” That one small task can set a positive tone, convincing you that if you can get this right, you can handle what’s next.)
4. They value a sense of order and calm (Clutter—physical or emotional—can weigh us down. When you cultivate order in your space, you create a bit of room for peace in your mind.)
5. They show consistency in small details (People who are consistent in making their beds every day often exhibit that same consistency in other areas, like following through on commitments, being punctual, or responding to emails in a timely manner.)
6. They Cultivate a quiet confidence (Daily habits like bed-making build a foundation of self-trust. If you prove to yourself that you’re capable of consistent action—even in something as mundane as arranging pillows—you start to believe you can handle bigger leaps.)
7. They build resilience for life's bigger challenges (If you can stick to small, constructive tasks despite hectic mornings or unexpected curveballs, you’re more likely to stay grounded when bigger issues arise.)

Thursday, April 24, 2025

Thursday, April 24, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2004. Mattie was two years old. That day we took him to the National Zoo. As you can see Mattie was looking at something and I was having a good time lending commentary. The many adventures with Mattie Brown! I will never forget these moments or the amazing little fellow that he was.... he added a whole new dimension to my life. 

Quote of the day: It is a strange thing that all the memories have these two qualities. They are always full of quietness, that is the most striking thing about them; and even when things weren't like that in reality, they still seem to have that quality. They are soundless apparitions, which speak to me by looks and gestures, wordless and silent—and their silence is precisely what disturbs me. ~ Erich Maria Remarque, All Quiet on the Western Front

This morning I woke up and received the above quote from my friend, a friend who is going through quite a similar situation with her own marriage. We live thousands of miles away from each other, and yet our stories are eerily similar. I am not sure what the chances of that are, but there you have it. 

In any case, Remarque's quote from his novel immediately caught my attention. He beautifully captured the complexities of the human experience and memory. Though I never read All Quiet on the Western Front, I looked it up and it is a novel that explores the experiences of German soldiers during World War I. The quote was intended to reflect on the nature of memory and its lingering impact. The quote suggests that memories, even those of violent or chaotic events, often appear quiet and serene, contrasting with the reality of the experience, and this seeming contradiction is what causes emotional distress. 

Of course when I read this quote, I did not know the context in which it was written, therefore I absorbed it through my own lens. Frankly I think this quote could be applied to any trauma. Because the memories of the trauma or the loss are vivid, they are palpable, and constantly streaming through my mind. The process of remembering is quiet. There is no noise, or no noise that is detected by others. Yet these "silent apparitions" can be all consuming. It takes a lot of daily work not to be fully washed away in memories, in loss, and in abandonment. 

The interpretation of Remarque's quote is that his experiences with war were violent, big and bold and yet his memories are the exact opposite... they are quiet. This difference caused him distress. I can appreciate that notion, but that isn't how I interpreted the quote as it relates to myself. 

For me the chaos of what has happened in my life is alive and well inside my head. Like a broken record, some form of this same memory song plays constantly, over and over, at any point in my day! It takes a lot to stop this record from playing, even sleeping is hard, because this song of loss, trauma, and abandonment plays constantly in the background. For me this song is loud and ongoing, but for you, or anyone near me, YOU DON'T HEAR THE SONG. My memories are silent to you. It is THIS silence that disturbs me. The fact that I hear this trauma/loss song and you do not. The only way I can help you understand and hear my song is through writing this blog. 

Memories of my life, my marriage, and my son are all around me. Whether it is pictures, art work, or items.... all these silent things are part of my memory song. Yet even if I destroyed each and every item, the world is filled with these silent memories.... such as places we have been together, fragrances of flowers, foods we ate together, sunsets experienced, and gazing at the moon. When you spend 35 years with someone, your memories are their memories. Their memories are your memories, hearts and minds are intertwined.

The highlight of my day was I went to Lowe's garden center. I bought more flowers today, I have to do this in stages because I can carry and plant just so much at one time. When we moved into our house in 2021, my husband planted heirloom roses in beautiful flower pots in our backyard. Each and every rose died from the winter. If you know anything about me, then you know I get attached to things, and the symbolism of these roses dying sent me right over the edge. So today, I went to buy roses for these flower pots. Once I get them planted I will share photos. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2025

Wednesday, April 23, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2004. Mattie was two years old. For Mattie's birthday party, we put together this activity wall for the kids. Mattie loved it so much, that we kept it up for another week or two. As you can see, Mattie would go up to the wall, grab a marker and create. I actually loved the whole notion of Mattie entertaining himself and being creative. When I look at this photo it is confusing, why? Because it almost seems like this was my life in an alternative universe. I still do not understand a world where children die from cancer or where spouses just walk away. 

Quote of the day: When a single human being sets the whole of themselves aside in order to freely love another, magic is set in motion. And it is my prayer that the hope of the love that you have always longed for will never be crushed by those who have crushed you. ~ Craig D. Lounsbrough

This morning, after dropping my dad off at his memory care center, I took my mom to the hospital for her six month pulmonology appointment. My mom visits this doctor every six months due to her extensive lung condition. Thankfully my mom is holding her own and her lung condition is stable. When I first met this doctor about two years ago, we clicked. He was a very personable, kind, and compassionate physician, who spent a great deal of time talking and getting to know his patients. However, over this last year, I have witnessed a total change in his demeanor, he has lost a lot of weight, and seems to have a whole new wardrobe. Today I even noticed he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. Naturally given my own personal experiences, I have connected the dots. It is clear that something is going on with him and it was my hope he would bring it up, because I find the personality change so noticeable. Being comfortable with a physician is important, as a lot can be shared and revealed about one's health through conversation. When I feel that conversation is being cut off, which is atypical from past experiences with him, then this is a red flag to me, which is why in my mom's October appointment, I may just confront the issue head on.

Later today, I took my mom out for tea. While she was looking through Facebook, I returned emails and got other things done. Then at some point, I started going through my photos on my i-phone. I went back to 2021, when we moved from Washington, DC to Virginia. Sometimes I look at photos to remind myself what my life used to look like, that how I felt about it and how I knew it to be, were actually real. That it wasn't some figment of my imagination. 

When I was packing up our townhouse in the city, I found photos and other documents that I snapped pictures of to preserve this history. Keep in mind that I received a Master's and Doctorate from The George Washington University, and I started the program in my 20s, and graduated in my 30s. I spent 9 years at the University, it was like my second home. Tonight I am sharing with you a message written by my doctoral program advisor/dissertation chair. When I evaluate my life now, I am broken in all ways. Yet Carol's words reflect the person that I am, the person she saw me to be.... a person with strength, persistence, gifts, and love for family. I am so glad she wrote these words down for me, because now 22 years later I am still reflecting upon them. 

I was collecting data and writing my dissertation while Mattie was a baby. That alone was a feat! This photo was taken at my graduation party, Mattie was a little over a year old! 

Carol was my third advisor at the University. My previous two advisors left the University and truly it was hard losing one right after the other and starting again. I had several graduate classes with Carol and loved her, but Carol (like me) is a perfectionist. I know many students wanted Carol to be their advisor, and she turned them down. When I asked Carol to be my advisor, she gladly accepted and that alone was an admission to me that she thought I had what it took to complete my degree. 

When you graduate with a doctorate, the University hosts a Tea. This is where you and other candidates are presented to the university community, family, and friends by your advisor. Carol introduced me to the audience and then shared with me what she said in writing. 

Carol's note.........................

Vicki, I thought that you (or your parents) might like having a copy of the words I spoke in honoring you at the Doctoral Tea. Cheers, Carol

This is what Carol said about me on that May day in 2003..............................

Vicki Sardi was a stellar student throughout her doctoral program. She was always an active contributor to class, an exceptional addition to course projects, and she wrote outstanding papers. In fact, I always saved her course paper to read last in the group -- for two reasons. First they were always superior, and second, her papers settled me into a good mood as I prepared to submit final grades. 

While here, Vicki received the GWU Bender Teaching Award for her superb teaching as an adjunct faculty member. She also received the American Counseling Association Multicultural Award, a Chi Sigma Iota Award, and about six other awards. 

Vicki came to us from the sciences and her work reflects the attention to detail and objectivity that are never far from a scientist's approach. But she did not have an easy time with advisors, having two who left the university and having then to settle with me. I'll never forget Vicki making me promise to stay well to avoid risky activities, and to not even think about retiring. Sure, I agreed that I wouldn't take up sky diving and promised not to retire. But I drew the limit at avoiding skiing!

Vicki's dissertation is a tour de force. In Erik Erikson's terms, she studied generativity, in this case, how organizations support those who care for elderly family members. It was not easy finding an organization or agency that offers eldercare services but she persisted -- in fact, she persisted to the extent that the federal agency she eventually did use -- came after her with an offer of full time employment. 

Vicki's doctoral study, and her need to show the support that employed caregivers need when caring for elderly loved ones, were in memory of her grandmother who had spent her last years needing full time eldercare services and of her parents who gave of themselves in her grandmother's care. Her grandmother and parents live on in Vicki's study and in the dedication to her dissertation that speaks miles about Vicki as a person. It reads: "in memory of my maternal grandmother, Anne Spallone, who showed my family how to age with grace, beauty, and dignity, and to my loving parents, Virginia and Mauro Sardi, who taught me the value, honor, and importance of compassion as caregivers." Congratulations, Vicki!

--------------------

We are all products of our experiences. I have lived a life of jumping one hurdle after the other. Getting a doctoral was indeed a hurdle, not the hardest I have had to endure, but nonetheless hard. It took courage, persistence, being politically savvy, and determination to get a PhD. While other students could work from data sets for their dissertation research, this would not suffice for Carol. She wanted me to do original research, which meant working with research subjects and collecting data in person. Given the study I wanted to conduct, it took me a year and a half to find a governmental agency that offered eldercare services to its employees and who was willing to have a student come in and assess their employees. Trust me, it wasn't easy! I will spare you that ordeal, but there were many times I thought.... I AM NEVER GOING TO GRADUATE. But I was persistent! It is perhaps one of my defining qualities. When I feel passionate about something, I don't give up. On the day of my dissertation defense, the person who oversaw my research work at the government agency (and served on my committee), offered me a job. Well not just any job, but a job he was going to create for me.... the director of the agency's work life office. This was a grade 13/14 job, which is practically unheard for a new graduate. 

Mattie was only one at the time, and I made the difficult decision not to take this full-time job. I was afraid I wouldn't be available to parent Mattie. What would life have looked like if I took that job? I know for one thing, I would be financially stable now and would have had federal benefits, but I would have missed out on the precious little time I had with Mattie. Of which I have no regrets, as Mattie was my life. Any case, reading Carol's note, just reminded me of that time point in my life, a time point, where I developed critical skills and abilities that enable me to survive the hell that I am living.

Tuesday, April 22, 2025

Tuesday, April 22, 2025 -- Mattie died 791 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2006. Mattie was four years old. That day I took Mattie to the Reston Zoo. This was a smaller and very hands on experience, which Mattie loved. If you look closely you can see Mattie's big smile..... it was so big that he it caused his eyes to squint closed. I remember all our visits and adventures to the Zoo. Now I live closer to the Zoo and whenever I pass it by car, I am taken back in time. A time when I had no idea about the loss of a child or the abandonment of a husband. 

Quote of the day: Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world… would do this, it would change the earth. ~ William Faulkner

This morning I woke up at 6am. My right arm and hand were completely numb. The numbness was so painful it woke me up out of a deep sleep! Fortunately I know this pain is carpal tunnel, which I first developed when pregnant with Mattie. I have no idea what triggered another bout of carpal tunnel syndrome. Maybe it is house chores, repetitive movements from cooking, or how I twisted in my sleep. Either case, I have been struggling all day and while home, I am wearing my hand brace.

I got my parents in the car by 10:15am (which is a feat!) and we headed to my dad's cardiology appointment. This office insisted on seeing my dad within two weeks of his hospitalization. This heart practice has various office locations all over our region. However, based on when they wanted to see my dad, I had to go to an office in Reston, VA. Given that this location is far outside the city beltway, one would think that parking would be easy and that there would be easy access for people with disabilities. FORGET IT! Given that I experienced this location for the first time last week, today, I had the where with all to bring Mattie's wheelchair with me. Thankfully I did because I literally had to park blocks away from the entrance. 

The problem with this entrance is there is no layby area for me to drop my parents off. So I literally had to park with them, and then get my dad in a wheelchair and push him several blocks. My dad is of significant weight and pushing him, carrying bags, his walker, and holding onto my mom was truly impossible. 

The ramp into the building was a nightmare. It was SO steep, that I needed to get a running start otherwise I would never have gotten my dad up that incline! When I finally got into the building, I felt like I went ten rounds. But it only got better. The elevator doors didn't stay open long enough for us to get onto it, and if wasn't for another patient helping to keep the door open, I am not sure how I would have gotten both of my parents in the elevator. When we finally got to the office, I was like a provoked hornet.

I literally gave the entire front desk staff a diatribe. I wanted them to know that their facility is not accessible for people with disabilities and if my parents did not have me, there is not way they could have navigated their way from the parking lot and into the building. One of the office staff was aggressive, and she tried to stop me from talking. NOPE, that only got me further annoyed. She was telling me that they are aware of the problem and are HOPING that it gets resolved in the future. I finally said to her... I hear you and understand your hopes, but do you understand me? HOPES will not solve the immediate problem for my parents or any one else with a disability. I told this office manager that central scheduling needs to alert patients to this parking issue and a note needs to be inserted into email reminders to patients about these accessibility issues. Afterall they send a remind and in it tells you where to park, but more information is needed about how people with disabilities can access this building. She finally got it!

While I was talking or yelling at the staff, apparently a nurse came out and called my dad's name. I did not hear her. But you are going to love this! Apparently another man stood up, identified himself as my dad, and the nurse started an appointment with him thinking she was talking to my dad. As she was talking to this man, she realized his weight was different from what was reported in the chart and there were other irregularities. She quickly then deduced that the man she was talking to was highly confused and she was talking to the wrong patient. Do you love it? Eventually she came back out to get us and apologized for the appointment being 30 minutes late. 

It has been a day, but it did not end there! The second floor is back to having no air conditioning. It is over 80 degrees on the second floor. Truly I am ready to scream. So naturally I called the HVAC company and have an appointment on Friday. I am so sick of this back and forth with the HVAC company because they come early and that means 5am wake ups for me, in order to get everything done before he shows up. 

I went outside this morning and snapped this photo! Two years ago I was gifted irises from a local artist. She gave them to me in a small pail. I finally planted them in 2024. Look at them now. They are blooming and glorious. 

Monday, April 21, 2025

Monday, April 21, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2005. Mattie was three years old! An April tradition was visiting the US Arboretum in Washington, DC. My joke with Mattie was that the azaleas bloomed in honor of his birthday! Mattie LOVED hearing this! The Arboretum is a must see and given that Mattie loved open and natural spaces, it was the perfect spring adventure for him. Mattie opened up a whole new world for me, as he introduced me to the beauty of nature and appreciating the amazing colors, fragrances and wild life around us. 

Quote of the day: A kind word is like a spring day. ~ Russian Proverb

Last night while I was cleaning up Easter dinner and doing laundry, I happened to go upstairs. As soon as I climbed up the steps, I felt like I was hit by a wave of humidity! Literally upstairs was over 80 degrees. You want to see me panic, then give me a household problem! Not just any problem, but a mechanical one! Mind you this is the same furnace/hvac system I have been struggling with all winter long. Yet when the expert came over last week, and was with us for four hours, he seemed to have rewired the system and we were getting heat. Naturally as we are getting warmer days, I had to switch the system over to air conditioning. That was the kiss of death! Something occurred during that switch over. 

I checked that the system was programmed correctly, it was, so the next thing I did was shut the whole system down. I waited a few minutes and then tried turning it back on to the cool setting. That triggered an alert message.... system wait. You can imagine how much I liked that! So I Googled, system wait, and learned that this is a normal issue, indicating a protection measure designed to prevent damage to the HVAC system's compressor. I love when the system actually does what it is supposed to do! Like Google suggested.... I waited a few minutes and then tried turning on the system again! It worked, it went on! Yet I did not feel any cool air coming out of the vents. My mom was complaining and I was freaking out because I literally have one appointment after the other with them this week, making staying home for hours waiting for a hvac person close to impossible. 

Any case, by 2 or 3am, guess what I felt.... AIR! I do not know if the house just got so overheated during the day that it took a long time for it to cool it down or what. But for now it is working and naturally I will have to keep my eye on it for the next few days. When I awoke this morning, I literally felt this was an Easter miracle. I am not sure why the system decided to work and behave itself, but I take all blessings when they come.  

This is my garden fountain that I sometimes talk about. It is right next to our porch. I pulled weeds (why it looks brown) and it is in transition until the ivy grows back, but my friend Ilona brought me all sorts of wonderful seashells yesterday! I have added the shells to this area. When the ivy grows in, it will look lovely to have the shells there. 

Can you see the bigger shells on the stone wall? Now that the stones have been cleaned, and no longer black, these shells will stand out and be a wonderful new addition to the garden. 

Tomorrow, I am taking my dad for a post-hospitalization cardiology check. They were worried about my dad's cholesterol levels when he was in the hospital. Given that my dad is allergic to statins, I have no idea what tomorrow's discussion will be about! Naturally I am opposed to altering my dad's diet. At 90 if he wants cheese, ice cream, and other goodies, he will have them! Where this cardiology office is located is a nightmare for people with disabilities. So that means I have to get out Mattie's wheelchair and take it with me because parking is a total challenge. 

My dad's memory is basically non-existent. He has no memory of being in the hospital a week ago, he has no memory that people came over for Easter, and tonight he asked me the same question 15 times. I can't tell you how exhausting this is and how I carry the weight of everything on my shoulders. 

Meanwhile, in my office I have a family portrait on a canvas of me, my husband, and Mattie. I have had this canvas up for years. Tonight it literally fell on the floor. I have tried to rehang it twice, but it keeps falling. I am not sure if that is a sign, and I am sure for many of you reading this you are probably saying..... what? Why doesn't she toss that canvas out? This canvas is important to me. It symbolizes my life, my marriage, and the fact that I am Mattie's mom. So tonight it will be Vicki vs The Canvas! We shall see who wins round 3!

Sunday, April 20, 2025

Sunday, April 20, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken on Easter of 2006. Mattie was four years old. That day we took Mattie to his favorite restaurant for Easter brunch. Honestly I had NO IDEA they were going to have an Easter Bunny walking around from table to table. When Mattie saw this bunny coming over he was frightened. After all, this bunny was larger than life. I explained to Mattie that this was a friendly bunny, who just wanted to wish him a Happy Easter. It was a totally precious moment! Mattie understood and eventually even posed with the bunny for a photo! When I was Mattie's age, these life sizing characters freaked me out. Unlike Mattie, I would have hid under the table until that bunny actually left the room!

Quote of the day: Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there. ~ Clarence W. Hall

This morning while getting dressed, I was listening to the radio. The Thomas Rhett song, Be a Light, came on! Though it was written during COVID, I have to admit this was the first time I ever heard it. It seemed so appropriate for Easter, a time of rebirth and spiritual hope. If you haven't heard the song, click on the image. I would have to say in a world full of hate.... YOU are my light!

Today's table! I am so happy I was able to decorate, add a ray of spring into our home, and have good friends over for Easter. It was very good for me and for my mom. My dad is truly too out of it to process what is going on, and soon after he ate, he had no idea he even had a big Easter dinner! I realize I am no longer doing things for my dad to have memories, instead I am doing things to have my own memories with my dad. 

The kitchen buffet!

• Leg of lamb with fresh mint sauce
• Chicken with white wine and peas
• Twice baked mashed potatoes
• Ginger carrots
• Roasted Asparagus

I am saddened I did not get a photo with everyone. As we all had a lovely time chatting and eating! This is my God daughter Charlotte and her mom, Koseth. Charlotte wants to know where my husband is, and the details have not been shared with her. She knows he is gone, but has no idea where he is, but ultimately what she was asking me was does he still care about her?

My answer to this was wherever he is, I have no doubt he thinks of her often, cares about her, and wants what's best for her. In the mean time, she has me, and I represent both of us. 

Me, Charlotte and Koseth! I am now keeping a notebook, measuring Charlotte's height! Each time she comes I get the tape measure out and record it. Charlotte has also achieved a Brown belt in Tai Kwon Do. She did a demonstration today of her routine and even taught me some self defense moves! 

A selfie with us and my mom! We did not capture my dad. He was already resting in his recliner by that point!