Monday, July 28, 2014

Monday, July 28, 2014

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2008. Around the time that Mattie was diagnosed with cancer, Peter and I were in the Hospital clinic with him. Also with us in the clinic's library were his oncologist, social worker and art therapists. We strategized a way to explain Mattie's cancer to him. Right from the beginning Peter and I felt it was important to tell Mattie the truth about his condition in an age appropriate manner. His treatment was going to be aggressive and brutal, and therefore his buy in was going to be vital. Mattie LOVED bugs, and yet he most definitely did not want bugs floating around in his body. Therefore we designed a "bone bug" made out of clay to represent what was going on inside his body. We explained that his body was being attacked by bone bugs and that the only way to kill the bone bugs was to take medicine and to eventually remove them from his body, ie, chemotherapy and limb salvaging surgery. When Mattie was given the choice as to what to do with the clay bone bug, he grabbed a hold of it, and stomped on it with his foot, to kill it. Basically a symbolic representation of what chemo and surgery would eventually do in his body. It was a creative way to explain his cancer to him and throughout his battle, we always referred back to the bone bugs and when he discussed his cancer with others, he too used that language to explain his bone cancer. 

Quote of the day: 

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Last night my friends Tina and Ann held a birthday party for me. Ever since Mattie died, I have celebrated my birthday with friends in a party format. Perhaps though we don't talk about it, maybe others are listening when I say that my birthday falls two days after Mattie's diagnosis day!!! Maybe others can understand why it is hard for me to be joyous and celebratory, and therefore would need help negotiating through the funk that July ensues! The last birthday party I had though was in 2011. Mainly because parties have become harder and harder for me to attend. Over time, I feel as if I no longer fit into any group per se. I no longer identify with my former group of mom friends, I do not fit into my cancer group of mom friends, and for the most part I do not even identify with moms who lost children to cancer. Mainly because many of them are raising other children. So where does that leave me? Good question?! I suppose after a two year hiatus from parties, Ann and Tina strategized and felt the need to have a party in a way. If you asked them why they held the party for me, the answer would be different for each of them, I guarantee you, but ultimately at the end of the day, what the party did was it served as a reminder to me that even though I may not always fit in, I am surrounded by a truly caring group of people who appreciate me. So no other gifts were necessary, that is the GIFT. But it is painful and bittersweet to know that I no longer interact with this group on a daily basis like I once did.

There were around 26 people in attendance last night. The party was held outside, which was right up my alley. I love the summer heat and I suppose everyone else was fortunate enough that it wasn't an incredibly humid night out. The party was in Tina's backyard, which is a lovely setting, and I am grateful to Tina since she has allowed me to use her house to host two other events, one was in 2013 and the other was in March of this year for the Foundation. The cake in front of me was a Carvel cake. Which means nothing to anyone in the DC area, but means a lot to anyone who is from the New York area. I grew up on Carvel ice cream cakes and being that my birthday is in July, it was a tradition to have a Carvel cake. They aren't so easy to find in DC other than in the grocery store. But Ann tracked down a Carvel store and surprised me with the cake. Meanwhile this one candle was hysterical. As I blew it out, Bob kept relighting it! I think the goal was to have me blow it out for the number of times that coincided with my years! Fortunately he stopped after 3.

Vicki with the party hosts, Ann and Tina. 

Peter snapped this photo while I was at the other end of the pool blowing out the candle on the cake. People were gathered all around the pool last night. It was a beautiful evening and Peter and I were very appreciative of the attendance and efforts of all of our friends. Peter summed it up best for me when we got home...... "you have quite a group of friends, and they truly love you!"