Sunday, August 30, 2015

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2007. This has to be one of my favorite photos that Peter took of Mattie. While we were staying in Coronado (San Diego), Peter frequently took Mattie for a bicycle ride around the Island. One particular afternoon, they paused for this wonderful photo with the historic Del Coronado Resort (the Victorian Lady with the red roof!) in the background. 


Quote of the day: By changing nothing, nothing changes. ~ Tony Robbins

Though I reflect on Mattie's life daily in some shape or form, most of the time my thoughts do not seem to translate into dreams. Or if they do, then I do not remember them when I awake. But the past two weeks while I have been in Los Angeles, I had two very vivid dreams in which Mattie was visiting me in my dreams. In both dreams, he and I knew that he died from cancer and therefore he wasn't alive. Therefore it begs a bigger question as to what form he was appearing to me in? Was Mattie a ghost or a spirit? I have no idea, nonetheless Mattie was talking to me and it seemed quite real.

In the first dream, I am sleeping in my bed at home. The sensations and feelings within the dream seemed like they were really happening to me! I was lying down and sleeping and I could feel as if someone was crawling up on my bed and on me. As this person got to my ear, I heard that it was Mattie and he gave me a kiss. In my dream I awake and confront Mattie and tell him that he died from cancer, so how could he possibly be there with me. There were no answers, but it was at which point, I woke up dazed and confused.

The second dream seemed just as real and vivid as the first. Again, in the dream Mattie and I both knew he wasn't alive. Mattie seemed to find me in my dream and asked me if I would buy him a new shirt. A shirt that a 13 year old would wear, not a seven year old (the age that he died at). Mattie wanted a shirt because he wanted to see how much he actually had grown over the years and he felt the shirt that would fit a 13 year old would help him determine his growth. He assured me that he would visit me again, so it was necessary to get the shirt! The irony was in my dream, though he was talking to me like his current age would be (13 years), he appeared to me to still be 7! 

I certainly could stop and ask myself what does all of this mean? I typically do not have such vivid dreams with Mattie in them. Or at least I can't recall them, in which he is talking to me, and telling me that he is coming back to visit me because we both acknowledge he is DEAD. To me this is a very unusual set of dreams, which perhaps is timed with the fact that Mattie's sixth anniversary of his death is fast approaching, or perhaps there are other explanations. Either case, with Mattie in life and in death, I believe anything is possible.