Monday, September 12, 2022

Monday, September 12, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. Mattie was a month into treatment and if you look closely you can see a very unhappy camper. Mattie wanted to hide and to escape the noises from his hospital room. So we created a tent like structure made of blankets on top of his bed. Inside the tent was a sad, uncomfortable, and anxious Mattie. These were the sights and sounds that I absorbed all day and night, and though you may get bits and pieces of what I am trying to describe, words can't possibly do justice to the daily fears and stresses we faced. 

Quote of the day: I will never forget the moment your heart stopped and mine kept beating. ~ Angela Miller

Our power was out for 11 hours yesterday, from 3pm to 2am. The issue was a tree branch took down power lines in our neighborhood. It was a very eerie feeling to see darkness all around us last night. There are only two of us on the street with a generator. Many of our neighbors did not understand why we wanted to install a generator when we moved in, as they said they rarely have lost power. But with my parents living with us, we weren't going to take a chance. All I know is since we moved in, we have had MANY power outages at all times of the year. 

The highlight of yesterday was to see two deer (mom and baby) on our front lawn. Peter views them as pests as they eat all our roses and other flowering plants. I get it, but I still love seeing them, and I know full well that this would have been a sight that Mattie would have approved of, as he loved seeing animals with their mothers. 

It was my usual chaotic day. I got my dad up, washed, dressed, and had breakfast. He then went to his memory care program, as I took my mom to physical therapy. Honestly my days are filled with managing needs, issues, and more needs! I joke that I am running a nursing home, but I am truly not kidding. I wanted to spend a portion of today writing the Foundation's September newsletter, but in typical fashion here I was interrupted every two seconds. It is frustrating and stressful and at times I can feel waves of anxiety come over me. When this happens I want to literally just leave the house and everyone around me behind, so that I can get a moment of freedom, peace, and no demands pulling on me. Of course this never happens, and thankfully I find a way to re-equilibrate.  

It takes a lot of inner strength to manage these tasks each day, as both of my parents ask the same questions over and over, they have constant needs and demands and expect things done instantaneously. They no longer have any insight that others exist in the world and some of us may actually have needs too.