Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2002. This was newborn Mattie, just days home from the hospital. Honestly at that moment in time, I did not know if I was coming or going. I was recovering from a c-section, had post-partum depression, and as a new mom, I had no idea what I was doing. However, the beauty of being Mattie's mom was I rose to the challenge and for that I will always say he was my greatest teacher in life.
Quote of the day: A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won’t be too bad. ~ Robert Wagner
Some days I have no words! Today was just one of those days. I was dealing with one issue, after the other, after the other. Frankly I haven't had a minute's peace since I moved into this house and now almost living here for three years, my life has been permanently altered in a catastrophic way.
At 4pm, I was interviewed by a reporter for a childhood cancer article. Truthfully, I had a hard time focusing, as internally I felt anxious, angry, and sad... ALL at the same time. Yet I got through the interview and the reporter said I gave her a lot to think about. Things she hadn't heard before. I chalk that up to Mattie working his magic through me. How I wish Mattie were alive, as he would be my best ally.
I have no idea how I made and served dinner tonight. But I did. As I was about to sit down, my mom was going to head into a lament. I literally LOST it. I told her she had two choices tonight, one she could keep quiet and change the subject, or two, she could go upstairs. I was in no mood to absorb any more commentary, as I have enough rolling around in my head.
Tomorrow morning, I have to get up at 5am, in order to get my chores done, my dad showered, dressed, and downstairs, before I run to my doctor's office for my yearly bloodwork. Of course when I get home, I will once again hit the ground running with more chores and issues to resolve. All I can say is God give me strength, because some days I don't see a path forward whatsoever.
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