Tuesday, July 15, 2025

Tuesday, July 15, 2025 -- Mattie died 803 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken on July 15, 2007. How do I know the exact date? Because those burgundy and blue goblets came out ONLY on our anniversary (July 15th). My paternal grandparents were also married on July 15 (obviously many decades before me), and these wine goblets were given to them at their wedding. When they died, my uncle gave them to us. It was our tradition to pull them out to commemorate our anniversary. If you notice, even Patches, our cat, was part of our special day!

Quote of the day: It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it. ~ Fred Rogers

Today was my 30th wedding anniversary. My first anniversary since the divorce. The traditional gift to mark this milestone is the pearl! There were no pearls, no gifts, and no cards. It is as if the day never happened, it has been erased. I heard from my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids, and my mother in law wrote to me bright and early and she sent me flowers. As she wanted me to know that I am special and never forgotten. 

My mom and me right before my Roman Catholic wedding ceremony. Of course neither of my parents knew what today was and there is no point to discuss it with them as we are all deeply saddened. How can a beautiful day in 1995, turn out to amount to such great loss, betrayal and abandonment? 

Making a commitment before God, family, and friends means something to me. It is a lifelong commitment and my brain can not compute any of this nightmare. I have no other words right now, or at least none that I care to put in print. 

Today was my dad's first day in rehab. As you can see from his calendar, he was up bright and early. By the time I got to him, around 1:30pm, he was luggage. I found him resting in bed and he had no recollection of any of the sessions he did today! 

This is my dad's schedule tomorrow and we have a family team meeting on Thursday. At which point, I will hear their plan, which I am sure will entail a discharge date! My mom and I got home at 7:30pm, and the bed rail I ordered for my dad arrived. After a full day, I had to pull it out of the box and figure out how to assemble it. I am the jack of all trades. 

Any case, after an hour of putting it together and attaching it to the bed, I HATED IT! I thought it was flimsy and actually the sliding bar wasn't long enough and definitely wouldn't prevent my dad from getting out of bed. So that meant I had to disassemble this bloody thing and get it back in the box. Which proved to be worse than trying to assemble it. But I did it and back it goes tomorrow. It is in all these stressful moments, I can't help but reflect...... who would hate me so much to leave me managing the impossible?