Friday, December 19, 2025

Friday, December 19, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2006. Mattie was four years old. That day we went to the US Botanical Gardens. It was a December tradition, as the Gardens are beautifully decorated for the holidays and when you walk into the building, it almost feels like you are walking into the tropics! Which is a great feeling, when it is so cold, dark, and depressing outside! Mattie loved going to the Gardens (which are right next to Capitol Hill)! When I look at this photo now, it almost feels like I am peering into someone else's life.... as if I had a twin sister and this was her life, a life that I can no longer relate to in any way. 

Quote of the day: They say that time heals all wounds but all it’s done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you. ~ Elizabeth Wilder

It has been a crazy weather day! You know the kind of day that has almost every weather type.... warm, humid, frigid, blustery, sunny, and cloudy! I can't tell you how many times I picked up downed branches from the winds. The front yard looked like a branch war zone. I filled an entire garbage bin with just branches! My Christmas inflatable was blown feet from where it was, and I had to set it back up and tack it down appropriately! Despite the winds and cold weather, for the most part I enjoy being outside. It helps me clear my mind from what's going on inside. Both inside the house and inside my mind. 

My dad had another physical therapy session today. He gets four sessions a week. Two by his home health care agency, paid by Medicare Part A, and two from private therapists, which I pay out of pocket. So right now, my dad is working with three different therapists. Today's session was an hour long. She had my dad walk for 15 minutes consecutively and even had him go into the backyard and do more exercises. She is fantastic with him and she is the second therapist this week to let me know that my dad is doing great considering that he was bed bound for a week in the hospital. Today's therapist admitted that my dad is able to bounce back because I have him do activity daily and he has been doing physical therapy consistently since 2020! I swear by physical therapy and between their professional assistance and my daily care, I have concluded I made the right decision to discharge my dad from the hospital on Sunday! In fact, the movement and sitting with a heating pad have reduced his pain level significantly. 

I went out to get the mail today and found a package in my box from my friend Leslie. Leslie was my freshman year college roommate and I was her maid of honor at her wedding. When in college, I went to visit Leslie in Vermont! During our visit we went to the Ben & Jerry's factory. I am a big ice cream fan and don't get me started on Holstein Cows! I LOVE them! Which was why, Leslie sent me this adorable kitchen towel that says.... we wish you a Mooey Christmas! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!

This cow and the meaningful message that came with the cow brightened my day!

I promised to share more meaningful ornaments on my Christmas tree! I bought this ornament years ago! Which is ironic, because it wasn't until 2021, that we started decorating again after Mattie died. I bought the ornament, but did not use it until then! It says.... LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK! This was an expression I used to say to Mattie all the time! Now of course it is very symbolic, as whenever I see a moon in the night sky, I think of Mattie. 

My friend Ilona, made this beautiful Mattie Miracle ornament, for the Foundation's tenth anniversary! That year, I gifted these ornaments to my core volunteer committee! It is a beautiful ornament, created by a mom, who also lost her only child to cancer. 

Notice the cardinal!?? I love cardinals, as they also symbolize my Mattie. Whenever I see them flying around our backyard, I take it as Mattie's reminder to me that he is always with me. When I was a little girl, my grandmother always hung a red bird at the top of our tree, close to the star. Now I do it subconsciously, as a tribute to having had the world's best grandmother!

In 2022, my other half took my mom and me to the local nursery. The nursery had a lovely Christmas store inside and together we picked out some special ornaments for our tree. This was one of them.... a cardinal sitting inside a pinecone birdhouse!

We also picked out this fox! It is a tribute to all the foxes that roam around our property! 

The other wonderful ornament we picked out together was this golden crescent moon, for our beautiful Mattie Moon! How does a couple pick out these wonderful ornaments (not that long ago) that capture aspects of our life, and now we have nothing to do with each other? I will never understand this, I will never forget how this makes me feel, and I will never get over having to face life alone. 

The last ornament I want to share with you is this jingle bell! This bell belonged to my maternal grandmother. She suffered a massive stroke in 1990. She remained alive for four years after her stroke, with three out of these four years living in a nursing home. One December we brought her this jingle bell to wear. In fact, her room number (101) is still written on the bell itself. 

I develop deep connections to those I love, and when they are gone from my life, it is crushing. A forever loss.