Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2007. Mattie was five years old. That day, we went over to Zachary's home. Zachary and Mattie were best preschool buddies. The lady in the photo is Sara. Sara was Zachary's nanny. Sara had a baby and we went over to meet the baby! This was Mattie's first time holding a baby! You can tell he was nervous but wanted to do it! We knew Sara very well, because every day after preschool, Mattie and Zachary wanted to do things together. So naturally that meant Sara and I spent a lot to time together and we got to know each other's values, parenting styles, and driving styles. For the most part, I was always with Mattie, but there were times that I had other things to do and therefore Sara was kind enough to pick up Mattie at preschool with Zachary and then I met them later. I mention this because this tells you my comfort level with Sara. So when Sara had a baby, we wanted to congratulate her and welcome her new bundle into the family. I am so happy I captured this adorable moment in time.
Quote of the day: Grief only exists where love lived first. ~ Franchesca Cox
Today was NOT a good day. I got up early in order to take my parents to the dentist. They had 10am appointments, which sounds reasonable. Until you factor in all that needs to be accomplished, including driving an hour into the city. Somehow I got to the office, was five minutes late, but still I made it! I learned last year that the only way I can take my dad into the city and to this appointment is using Mattie's wheelchair. Otherwise, he would be unable to walk the distance. But it is hard to get him into the wheelchair and then push him about a city block, while also holding onto my mom.
When I arrived, I learned that my dad was assigned a different hygienist. My mom always works with my hygienist, which is important because I can't sit in two appointments at once, and I trust my hygienist. So I know my mom will be okay! The woman assigned to work with my dad today, though a long time hygienist in the office, was someone I had never met before. She took us back to her work space and I had to transfer my dad from his wheelchair to the dental chair. That was NO EASY feat, as his back was very sore, given how he slept on it last night. With every movement, he was screaming in pain. The hygienist couldn't get him in a position where she could work on his while seated. So I told her this is true, in the past his previously hygienist had to stand and do his cleaning. Any case, we continued to talk and she learned I was my dad's caregiver.
At first she said to my dad.... how lucky that you have a daughter! She has a son, and she says she has NO IDEA who will take care of her when she gets older. My response to her was that her son may surprise her! However, after getting to know her better, I would say whether she had a daughter or a son, I am NOT sure either would care for her. She is judgmental, difficult, and cold. Why do I say that?
I say this because she proceeded to tell me that it is dangerous for me to care for my dad. I love unsolicited advice! She feels he requires three people to move him alone, and therefore, it just being me is dangerous for him and for me because he could fall. I pushed back, telling her that I disagreed with her about the danger! So she proceeded to say I should hire someone. I then told her that SOMEONE, no matter the person, will face the same challenges as me! An aide will have no greater skills to care for my dad than me. She then said... no, you have to hire multiple aides! I then asked her whether she has ever been a caregiver. She said, yes, but I sincerely doubt it. Since she responded yes to being a caregiver, I then said, well since you supposedly have experience hiring aides, then you know how costly it is to have multiple people working with your loved one around the clock! She did not respond!
I am giving you a rough overview of how this dialogue went, what I can't capture in words was her tone and condescending attitude. I could feel my stress level increase tenfold. So I decided I have two options.... one I could tell her off and start screaming, or two, I could be mature, not stoop to her level, and remove myself from the situation. I chose option two. I told her I had to check in on my mom and walked right out of the cubical space. I then proceeded to find my mom and told Annie, my hygienist, that we can never work with this other hygienist again. I told her what had transpired and Annie understood immediately, as Annie knows what I have been facing and as she said today, this woman has NO IDEA what you are balancing and have overcome.
Dealing with this scenario would have been more than enough, but the hits just kept coming today as my pool company gave me a quote to fix part of the pool that is leaking. It is a structural issue and I budgeted so much based on what I was reading on line. Today's estimate was double the cost of what I thought it would be. Truthfully when this stuff hits me, I want to SCREAM. I want to SCREAM because what I am balancing is beyond unfair. I took a deep breath, wrote back to my pool company, and said, I needed time to figure this out budget wise and would get back to them with a response in a few weeks. All I know is if the rest of my life is going to look like it does now, I see no point. To me life is a chore, just when I have the hope that maybe there could be a glimmer out there that could potentially cause me to view things differently, I have days like today (and unfortunately I have had many, many of them over the last two years).
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