Monday, October 20, 2025

Monday, October 20, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Without a doubt, I know it was a Friday! Why? Because Mattie was participating in the Chemistry Club's experiment. Every Friday, the University's Club came to the pediatric units. Mattie loved this Club and got along splendidly with Chris, their president. That day they were making snow balls out of dry ice. The kids were given gloves and as you can see Mattie was holding a big ball of ice and was absolutely fascinated. One of the many things I loved about this Club, was I got to experience Mattie the child, NOT Mattie the child with cancer. 

Quote of the day: A person’s memory is everything, really. Memory is identity. It’s you. ~ Stephen King

This morning after I dropped my dad off at his memory care center, I ran back home to pick up my mom and take her to the hospital for her pulmonary function test and follow up appointment with her doctor. I can't tell you how much my mom dreads this test. She started worrying about it on Saturday and by Sunday, she had worked herself up into a silly! There was NO rationalizing with her. Mind you this test is NOT new to her! She takes it yearly, and has done so for years. Nonetheless, you would have thought she was signed up for a horrifying and invasive exam! 

Yesterday, after trying to calm her down about today, I finally said...... this fear is irrational! I told her she doesn't have a tumor, she isn't gravely ill, and this test doesn't hurt! In addition, I told her Mattie, who was six, managed all sorts of tests. So if Mattie could do it, so could she! 

Any case, we know the pulmonary function test tech quite well. He is lovely and understands my mom's anxiety about this procedure and truly works with her every step of the way. Keep in mind that I am right next to her and helping throughout the process. Thankfully the test is behind her, her results are consistent from last year, and when I told the doctor how much she hates this testing, he agreed to forgo it next year. Truly music to my ears, because my mom's level of stress and anxiety adds a whole other layer upon my own. 

When I got home later in the day, I went to my Foundation's email account and guess what???? I couldn't access it! I literally tried everything. I could log onto it with my phone, but not on my computer. I dislike doing any serious work on my phone, so the fact that I couldn't access email through my computer almost sent me over the edge. I finally called the company's customer service and I learned there is an outage and it isn't my fault or problem. The level of stress immediately dissipated. But since my separation, little things frighten me. It is scary knowing that I no longer have my other half to turn to for support, help, and to brainstorm ideas. This has been a massive adjustment for me, because after 35 years, it is only natural to develop a dependence on someone. 

This evening, I made fresh tomato sauce. Since my dad hates tomato skins, I blanch the tomatoes and peel the skins off before making the sauce. Needless to say, my parents ate well tonight. But then again, every day, I work hard to provide them with nutritious and tasty meals. As I always say, thank goodness, I took after my grandmother..... because like her, I am a work horse. She was the ultimate caregiver, so I learned from the best.