Monday, June 2, 2025

Monday, June 2, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2004. Mattie was two years old. That day we drove to Connecticut to visit my mother in law's mom. Gladys was a real spit fire and she and I got along right from the beginning. Like me, she called it as she saw it, and enjoyed conversation and food! Gladys was in the hospital and I packed all sorts of goodies for our visit. I even brought her one of Mattie's birthday plates! Gladys loved children and I am so glad that she got to meet Mattie.

Quote of the day: There is always a lesson of a lifetime to learn in every betrayal. ~ Edmond Mbiaka

When we moved into our house in 2021, the portico over our front door already had issues. However, given all the other things that needed to be fixed, we tabled this problem. However, now that the wood is actually falling off the house, I had no other choice but to address this structure that is crumbling apart. I consulted my neighbors who introduced me to their contractor. I actually got the estimate months ago, but since I am so frazzled with bills and issues, I kept putting this problem off. This week, I decided I better address it before it got worse. So this morning started with the contractor coming over while I was showering my dad. I literally stopped the shower, handed my dad a towel (while he was sitting in his shower chair) and I told my mom to watch my dad, as I would be back in less than five minutes. Sure enough in the few minutes that I was gone to talk with the contractor, my mom was not watching my dad, and my dad somehow got himself up and out the shower and was walking around without clothes on. You can imagine my reaction to this! 

If you come down our staircase and look out of this big Palladian window, what do you see? Well if you are like me, you see those horrible spindles on top of my portico. What you can't see is that these spindles are rotting and the whole thing is tipping and slanted. It is a sight that has always bothered me for years. Today all those spindles were removed and to have an unobstructed view of the sky is wonderful. Thankfully I am addressing this issue now, because some of the ceiling portion of the portico was also rotting and the contractor said I made the right decision to address this before the whole thing would have needed to be reconstructed.  

I spent hours on the phone today dealing with both Prolia issues and issues associated with the MRI of the breast. Here's the kicker, my health insurer approved the MRI, but I would still need to pay $2,100 out of pocket. Truly I can't make this stuff up! I naturally lost it on the phone! Why have insurance, if insurance doesn't cover any portion of this scan!? Any case, I learned today that this radiology center has both outpatient centers and office centers. If I get the scan done at the office center, it will be half the price! I wanted to know what the catch was.... meaning is the technology different, is the radiology team who reads the scans different, what? She assures me that the quality is the same, so once again, I canceled my MRI which was schedule for this Friday, and rescheduled it to the end of the month at the office center. I truly hope this wasn't a mistake, but given that I regulate every expense in my house, I can't justify the outpatient center cost. 

Back to Prolia, GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH. I had it out with my doctor's office because the nurse from hell, sent my script to a different infusion center. When I asked her why she did this? She had no answer, but was playing confused. She basically said to me.... what's your problem, at least there is an infusion center that your insurer approved! She totally missed the point, as for me going to an infusion center is hard enough, but I had gotten used to the other infusion center and its staff. This kind of change makes me very anxious. But she is too dense to listen or to understand the psychosocial consequence of certain decisions. This nurse and I are like oil and water. So she was no help! I finally reached out to the new infusion center, and they turn out to be very lovely and extremely helpful. What a concept, and now I have an appointment for the end of June. But I have had it on every level. I am constantly fighting one system or another, and I fight alone! I HATE IT! I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS, AND I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WILL I WAKE UP TOMORROW AND THINGS WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL?!!!!

I end tonight's blog with this amusing story I read today, entitled, I Trade Marriage Counseling For Camel Rides: Why Adventure Travel Heals Divorce Trauma Better Than Therapy. The title alone had me chuckling, so I just had to read it! I for one, agree with this woman, that some issues transcend therapy. No amount of sitting or talking is going to improve your situation! The therapist can't change your reality and I know sitting in pain and trauma is counterproductive for me. So what I learned early on with Mattie's diagnosis and then death was the art of diversions and distractions! THESE are the KEYS to surviving the impossible. Why do I jump from one task to another? Why do I never stop moving? The simple answer is this is MY THERAPY. I can't possibly sit in my reality 24/7! It would consume me and I would be unable to see a way forward to the next day.

Now the woman in the article talks about the art of traveling and the DISTRACTION this causes, because when you are busy trying to translate what you are hearing, and trying to understand the culture and currency in front of you, you are too busy to focus on your divorce! Too busy to see that the one person you trusted and loved most in the world, LEFT, and too busy to absorb that the future you once expected and hoped for is GONE. So all I can say is.........send in the camels, I am ready!