Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2003. Mattie was a year old. That day, my parents (who were visiting from Los Angeles) and I took Mattie to the Reston Zoo. It was a family favorite, because this Zoo is small, perfect for younger children, never crowded and children can experience hands on activities with the animals. I look at this photo now, and see the dramatic transformation in my dad. This was my dad before Alzheimer's took over. This photo shows the cute bond between Mattie and his pop pop!
Quote of the day: Betrayal annihilates trust. The more trust there is to begin with, and the more deception is involved, the more damage is done. ~ Sandra Lee Dennis
My college roommate and friend, Leslie, sent me the article entitled, A caregiver dad, Bradley Cooper and how a national crisis inspired an unexpected film. She sent it to me because she thought it would resonate with me. WOW, does it! The person highlighted in the article, Bradley, has shared his caregiving stories on TikTok. I admit I haven't watched them, as I am not adding one more app to my life. However, what I do admire, is his courage to share his story, and more importantly to highlight the many travesties family members endure each day, while caring for a loved one. Bradley talks about the poverty he is facing because of huge caregiving expenses. Yet there really are NO benefits that he is entitled to, to assist him with his vital role. Ironically most long term care insurances and other benefits are for paid services, NOT to help reimburse family members. Keep in mind that family members are doing the MAJORITY of the caregiving work in the USA.
As Bradley points out, most of us do our roles, without much regard for being classified as caregivers. I remember when I was doing my dissertation research and had the opportunity to work with 100 caregivers..... interview after interview, the majority of caregivers did NOT identify as such! Many caregivers do not identify with the term because to them caring for a loved one is just what is expected. They wouldn't have it any other way.
I absolutely LOVE Rosalynn Carter's quote. In fact, I used this quote to begin chapter one of my dissertation. She stated, there are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers! Why this quote is so captivating is because she allows us to see that caregiving isn't just my problem or the next person's problem..... it is something that affects ALL human beings.
Ironically, unless you read this blog, most people do not know the extent of care I provide for both of my parents. People in our community see my parents out and about and therefore deem that they are fully independent. In the sense that they can meet all their own basic needs. But this couldn't be furthest from the truth. When I mentioned to someone that I couldn't get the phone because I was showering my dad.... she just looked at me. She did not realize that my caregiving involves heavy duty tasks each day. I manage all my dad's activities of daily living (dressing, bathing, and toileting) and I manage ALL instrumental activities of daily living (cooking, cleaning, transportation, managing finances, and all communications, and scheduling) for both of my parents.
If you think that Medicare will cover ANYTHING of what I do, or what other family caregivers perform, you would be WRONG. Medicare only covers professional services (nursing, PT, OT, and speech therapy), and even that would be on a short term basis, and as for Medicaid, that would only kick in to cover institutionalization after you have depleted all your loved one's assets. So truly you can't expect help from these resources. Likewise, don't get me started on long term care insurance either! It is costly, but also doesn't cover family members who are providing the care. Insurance will cover certified caregivers or facilities providing care, but keep in mind at best, long term care insurance will only cover 3-4 hours of care a day! Mind you there are 20 more hours in a day that a family will then be financially responsible for!
It gets better, I am THRILLED Bradley mentioned it..... he says he hasn't hired certified caregivers to help with his wife, because he can't afford it! This isn't a commentary on Bradley, but a commentary on how DOWNRIGHT expensive outside care is for our family members. What am I talking about? Let me paint the reality, why like Bradley, I am ALSO not relying on outside help!
The going rate for a certified caregiver (someone who performs activities of daily living and instrumental activities of daily living) is $30 an hour. I provide 24/7 care! So let's do the math.... $30 (an hour) x 24 (hours in a day)=$720 a day. Then let's calculate the weekly rate: $720 (a day) x 7 (days a week)=$5,040. There are 52 weeks in a year: $5,040 (a week) x 52 (weeks in a year)=$262,080. This is in theory how much I would be paying out for the care of one parent. But I need care for two. If I hired a caregiver through an agency, they would insist that each parent has their own caregiver. So for all intensive purposes you can take the yearly rate of $262,080 (a year) x 2 (parents)= $524,160! Do you see how this adds up quickly and that is only for ONE YEAR. I have been performing my 24/7 role for four years. So for fun and giggles, this would look like........... $524,160 (a year for two parents) x 4 (years) =$2,096,640. I am telling you this to give you a bird's eye view..... this is why the majority of family caregivers are performing this critical role! As I always used to say, caregivers are the unsung heroes of our society!
Family caregivers do NOT perform our roles and endure certain sacrifices because we want MONEY. We do it out of LOVE, RESPECT, and COMMITMENT to those we care for and as a result you could NEVER put a price tag to what we do each day.
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