Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Mattie was in his third month of treatment. It was an exciting day on the pediatric in-patient floor. A big donation of toys, games, and videos arrived at the hospital. Mattie's child life specialist, Linda, understood that Mattie thrived on having responsibility and a task. So literally Linda invited Mattie into the hospital playroom to help her sort items. Naturally with sorting also came the option of picking several toys for himself! I will never forget Linda and the amazing work she did with Mattie. They were best buddies.
Quote of the day: The people we most love do become a physical part of us, ingrained in our synapses, in the pathways where memories are created. ~ Meghan O’Rourke.
If I told you about my morning, you would most likely say.... are you kidding?!!!! Here is a highlight:
- Fed Indie, the cat
- Tried to medicate Sunny and feed him. No avail.
- Went outside, picked up newspaper and brought trash bins back.
- Then took a shower, got dressed.
- Prepped breakfast for everyone.
- Cleaned Cat litter box.
- Vacuumed first floor.
- Cleaned kitchen counters.
- Went back upstairs. Woke my dad up.
- Got my dad in the shower, made my parent's bed, cleaned the bathroom, and collected upstairs trash.
- Got my dad out of the shower and dressed.
- Back downstairs to try to eat breakfast, while balancing my dad's bathroom needs.
- Assisted my dad on his morning exercise routine.
- Then went grocery shopping.
- Came home, put groceries away, folded laundry and put it away.
- Opened up all Amazon Gift boxes delivered to our home for the Foundation. Processed items inside.
- Tried feeding Sunny again, and cooked him fresh chicken thighs, in hopes that would entice him to eat.
When I was done with that, I would have loved to sit down for a minute, or actually get Foundation work done. Forget it! Instead, it was time to take my parents out to get soup. I wanted them to eat something mid-day, but nothing heavy, as I cooked dinner at home. I believe getting out of the house is important each day. At the very least it gets my parents moving, walking, and interacting with the outside world.
While at the counter today, the manager took my order. I opened up my wallet to get my Panera loyalty card and the manager saw this photo! He asked me if this was my son? I said yes. He said that his son looks just like my son. We both laughed. I told him my son's name is Matthew and he said his son's name is Adam. He asked me how old Mattie was, and I said 7. Technically that is true! He said his son is the same age and he showed me a photo of Adam.
I know after Mattie died, when I would open up my wallet and someone commented on his photo, I would feel mortally wounded. Sometimes I would bluntly say that Mattie died, and other times, I would say nothing. It depended on my mood and how I felt about the interaction I was having!
It has been a LONG time since someone commented on my wallet photo! This manager at Panera is so nice, and he was making conversation, I did not want to burst his bubble by telling him that my son died 14 years ago. The other issue that comes to my mind is that I am clearly not as young as this manager. His son is 7 and mine would be 21. However, he did not seem to skip a beat thinking that I had a 7 year old. Not sure what to make out of that, other than for me Mattie will always be 7, and in a way, I feel locked at the same age I was when Mattie died. Time marches on, but my mind and heart have not.
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