Saturday, August 30, 2025

Saturday, August 30, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2003. Mattie was a year old. I snapped this photo of him! What was Mattie doing? He was crawling over to the bin by the couch, where I kept all of his books! Mattie loved pulling out this bin, pulling out every book, looking at them, stacking them, and having me read them to him. I absolutely LOVE his curious expression!

Quote of the day: You can find something truly important in an ordinary minute. ~ Mitch Albom

I did not get to bed last night until after 1am. I find the only time I can truly focus on anything is when I have safely gotten my dad into bed. Of course, going to bed late doesn't mean I can get up later. I was up at around 6:30am. I did not hear my alarm go off, my brain just naturally jolted me awake. Once my feet hit the floor, Indie somehow heard me moving and started meowing outside my bedroom door. Speaking of Miss Indie..... I don't want to jinx things, but I think I deduced what her issue was! If you recall, I have been facing Indie doing her business outside of her litter box. I approached this problem scientifically. I altered ONE THING at a time, to try to isolate the exact issue. What I can conclude is... she no longer likes the lid on top of the box. The lid has a swinging door, that she walks through and gives her privacy. I think she no longer likes to walk through the door, doesn't like the box covered, and seems to like the freedom of an opened box. So far, I have had a week of success! Indie gets great praise from me. When something goes right, even the small things, it is worth celebrating in my house. 

This morning, my dad had a physical therapy session. The therapist can see that I am wiped out. My dad is having another bout of constipation, and this makes for a very taxing day. At one point, I said to the therapist, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT THIS IS! To which she said, I CAN SEE WHAT YOU DO for both of your parents and you do it 24/7. It would be a lot for a team of people, much less one person. There are many reasons I love this therapist, but when I met her in 2022, I instantly connected with her. There are aspects of her that remind me of what I used to be like when I was her age. 

While the therapist was working with me dad, I sat down and created September's budget and cash flow spreadsheet. I do not know where I would be without my spreadsheets. I am juggling so much, that I have to time when bills are paid and track them. I have been using my spreadsheet method for a year now, and what I can say is it keeps me organized, less in a panic, and with each month that I have under my belt, it gets a little easier. Well maybe not easier, but MORE familiar. 

This afternoon, I took my parents out to lunch. As tonight's quote points out, you can find out something truly important in an ordinary minute. While dining, music was playing in the background. I could hear that the instrumentation was that of a saxophone. An instrument my dad LOVES, and played as a child. In fact as a teenager, he played on the stage of Carnegie Hall. Though for the most part my dad is quiet whenever we are eating and tunes out the world. I stopped him and asked him if he heard the saxophone. To which he smiled and said that it was an Eflat sax. I had NO IDEA what he was talking about because I had no idea there were six different types of saxophones. My dad played an Eflat sax (or alto sax) and he reflected on the challenges of playing a wind instrument, how he learned to play, and what kind of music he loved to play (big band music, my dad was in a band as a teenager that played at weddings and other events). It was an ordinary afternoon, in an ordinary weekend spot for us, but the conversation was revealing and provided me an important context into my dad's formative years and history. May we always try to find and be open to these important ordinary minutes in our lives.  

Friday, August 29, 2025

Friday, August 29, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2003. Mattie was visiting Los Angeles and that day my parents and I took Mattie to the LA Zoo. This Zoo had a hands on section which was geared to younger children. As you can see Mattie was so intrigued by what was in the water, he put his hands in and if we weren't holding onto him, he most likely would have jumped in with the fish! 

Quote of the day: When we focus on what is good and beautiful in someone, whether or not we think that they "deserve" it, the good and beautiful are strengthened merely by the light of our attention. ~ Katrina Kenison

The stars and planets aligned today, and I got my dad to his memory care center on time. This was important, because I was taking my mom to the city for us both to get our hair cut. Given the education I got a few months ago, I now know I have to cut my hair every three month, to maintain the health of my hair. Prior to this education, I cut my hair once a year. Could I go to a salon closer to my home? Probably, but since I lived in the city for two decades, I prefer going to a place I know well. I actually have a phobia about cutting my hair. I was telling this to our stylist today. I have had a history of BAD haircuts. People who feel like I would look better with bobbed hair. I mean very very short, I remember one stylist actually took an electric razor to the back of my hair. When I tell you it took me YEARS to grow out my hair, I am not kidding. My last stylist, I worked with her for almost twenty years. I loved her, but she retired. Fortunately our new stylist is lovely, listens and understands her clients. Ironically she told me today that many clients share my haircut phobia for the exact same reason!

My stylist was not born in this country, so she has a more traditional view on family. Which works perfectly for me, because I share the same values. In any case, she was working on both me and my mom simultaneously. Juggling one and then the other. As I always say, it is amazing what people observe. When I get my haircut, the staff really tries to take care of me. They are running around getting me cappuccino and making sure I am comfortable. I told Sonya today that I am NOT used to all this attention and someone looking to take care of me. With which she said to me....  you are very unusual for an American. She says she doesn't know many daughters who would devote her life to caring for her aging parents. In fact, she went on to tell me about some of her older clients, who only see their children maybe once a year. Sonya went on to say that she knows the toll this has to take on me, but it is thanks to me that my parents have a good quality of life, they both get out of the house daily, and their every need is taken care of. That meant a lot to me, because caregiving is a sacrifice. It is not easy work, and certainly undervalued in our society. 

While having a peaceful moment in the salon, it quickly ended. I was getting emails from the company who cleans our pool. They wanted me to add more water to the pool today! I literally flipped out in the salon because I had the hose running three hours in the pool last night. In fact, I have to refill the pool multiple times a week. I am so busy juggling countless issues at home, that I really did not connect the dots until today! THE WATER ISN'T EVAPORATING, it is leaking out somewhere! So my house repair rolodex is growing once again, as now I need to get a leak detection company out to the house, because this has to get addressed before this pool is closed for the season. What I have learned over these last two years is if you ever want a home with a pool...... JUST SAY NO! It is a nightmare to maintain and a total money pit! 

So let's keep the tally for current problems.... I have a hole in my dining room ceiling, I have a bathroom upstairs that has been dismantled from a leak, and now I have the pool issue! Truly I am on overload and some days I wonder..... how much stress can a body and mind take? I guess we will find out, because I am at my breaking point. 

Thursday, August 28, 2025

Thursday, August 28, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2007. This has to be one of my favorite photos! We took Mattie to the island of Coronado in San Diego. The red turrets in the background belong to the iconic Hotel Del Coronado! That afternoon we went for a bicycle ride on the island and stopped in the perfect location to get this special photo! Mattie looked like the picture of health and at that point in time the notion of childhood cancer was no where on our radar scope. Of course by the following summer, Mattie was diagnosed with cancer and the fun, happiness, and plans for our future ended.  

Quote of the day: I've never been in love, but I've always imagined it--weirdly--like some sort of OxiClean commercial. The TV host shows a scene from an ordinary day, and then takes a big old sponge soaked in love and swipes away the stains. Suddenly that same scene is missing all the mistakes, all the loneliness. The colors are like jewels, ten times richer than they were before. The music is louder and clearer. "Love," the host will say, "makes life a little brighter." ~ Jodi Picoult

This morning, I got a text message from the fellow who helps me with my lawn, sprinklers, and trees. He wanted to let me know he was coming over to deal with weeds growing in the grass. I have gotten to know Steve quite well over the last two years, and I appreciate him checking in with me to see what is working and what needs attention. However, we both are not strangers to traumas. Our traumas are different of course, but ironically the outcome looks similar. I think the tell tale sign of someone being a trauma survivor is disengagement. We disengage from those we were once close to, most likely for various reasons. But the key reasons being fear, safety, feeling misunderstood or judged, and not having the emotional bandwidth to absorb the lives, thoughts, and feelings of others. In a way, it can become a very 'them versus us' mentality. 

Before our conversation ended today, Steve wanted me to know how easy it is to talk to me, how understanding I am, and though talking doesn't change his situation or mine, we at least feel heard. Which brings me to my point. It is a very powerful and empowering feeling to discover YOU ARE NOT ALONE, that someone else in the world understands your thoughts, feelings, and insecurities. Not because they are just listening and giving you platitudes, but because they too have experience with something similar. Of course the immediate difference I find when talking with someone working through a trauma, is we both know there are NO QUICK fixes. It is painful, it can consume you, and these experiences impact our ability to move forward in the world to trust, love, and engage again. I am not saying that we like these outcomes in our ourselves, but we know they exist and we also know that saying things will get better to us, or you won't always feel that way, is pointless. It is pointless because right now, IN THIS MOMENT, we are hurting and that hurt needs to be acknowledged.

I spoke to Steve for an hour. Which was wonderful, but in my house I run on a tight time line. I have morning chores, have to make breakfast, and I always have to factor in time to get my dad up, showered, dressed and downstairs for breakfast. Today I felt extra pressure because my dad's physical therapist was coming over for a session. So literally after I spoke to Steve, I ran upstairs to start my routine with my dad. Personally I find it exhausting to never have a free moment, a moment where I can choose how I spend my time, or time to talk with someone without worrying about the next task or issue I have to address. This is the life of a primary family caregiver and most days I just take a deep breath and move on, but there are other days, when people around me are trying to talk to me, and I get frustrated that I can't have a conversation in peace. For example, I took my parents out to lunch today. We visit this restaurant weekly. We know many of the servers there and each week, this one fellow comes to chat with me. I am learning about his college work, personal struggles, and today he was telling me how his car was hit by another driver. Unfortunately we were having this conversation after we had lunch and we were on the way out of the restaurant. Though I stopped to talk to this fellow, my dad kept walking to the door of the restaurant. Typically he can't get too far, but today, other customers held the doors open for him, and literally within minutes he was outside on the sidewalk. I never let him out of my sight, so I told the server I couldn't talk with him and went running outside the restaurant. While running out the door, I told the server, that we would pick up this conversation next week.... and we will, not unlike a serial! 

When I got home, I realized I forgot to go grocery shopping after my dad's therapist left this morning. So I got my list together and headed back out while my parent's were resting. While in the parking lot I noticed a mom with her baby in her arms. This baby was very social. She literally was waving at each shopper who passed her by. Here's what I noticed, every adult that passed the baby, smiled and waved back. I am not sure why this caught my attention, but it did. I guess this stunned me because typically shoppers are hustling and bustling about and not paying attention to one another. But this baby got many people to stop in their tracks and be mindful of that moment. Was it because the baby was cute? Was it because the baby symbolizes some sort of innocence? Would this have happened with any baby passing them by? Yes this is how my mind works. I am constantly trying to understand the actions and behaviors of people all around me, and given that we live in a complex world where killing one another seems so commonplace, I paused and thought.... what if we could capture and harness the positive feelings people got today from this interaction with a baby? Could that positivity influence their next human interaction and course correct their overall day? I have no answers, but I do know for myself having positive moments/interactions can help counteract the negativity I am feeling and experiencing. May we all actively work on being someone's positivity today, it isn't always easy to do, but I do believe one person can make a difference in the lives of others (even without us knowing it).  

Wednesday, August 27, 2025

Wednesday, August 27, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2007. We were visiting my parents in California and that week, we went to San Diego. This was always a favorite spot for Mattie, and there were countless things for him to do there.... everything from Legoland, Sea World, to touring the USS Midway. These were happy times, times when childhood cancer was no where on my radar scope, nor did I have the foggiest understanding of the long term psychosocial consequences of this disease on a family. 

Quote of the day: See beauty in those unexpected places. (she asked herself how people could let Bach be background noise.) See the opportunity in what looks like inconvenience. (she steered clear of the traffic jam and went to the bakery she's been meaning to stop at.) She embraces the undeclared possibility in what seems like just another ordinary day. (her friend is scheduled for cancer surgery and suddenly everything around her seems so very precious.) ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

This morning was another winner of a day with my dad. So much so, that I contacted his doctor. I think as my dad becomes less mobile, this impacts every aspect of his life. It was such a difficult start to the day, that I wasn't sure I could get him to his memory care center. But fortunately I found a window of time in which I could safely get him in the car, and it worked. Thankfully the team at the center understood today's issues and it made such a difference knowing that the team is on it, and I can get a break for a few hours. After I dropped my dad off, I moved along to my computer appointment with a technician. Since today is ironically national "Just Because Day," I decided that it was important for me to take charge of how my computer backs up data. JUST BECAUSE! I know, not very exciting, but definitely very important. In January of this year, I started a membership with the Geek Squad, and literally I am talking with these folks every other month. I am so grateful to have this support. 

In my last virtual Geek Squad appointment, they suggested that I come into the store today, with my computer and old external drive in tow. The representative who helped me, reminded me of my college friend Dave. You know when you see mannerisms and traits in one person and transfer them onto another? Well this happened with me today. The tech was bright, helpful, but calm. Which is perfect for me, because with technology, I can get worked up in seconds. He listened to my concerns and even pulled his colleague in from the back to help. 

I have an external drive, used to back up files. We have used it for years, but when I plugged it into my computer, forget it. I couldn't access it! I assumed I was doing something wrong. So that was one of the first issues we addressed. As he said to me today.... it's not you, it is this device. He told me it was old and NOT functioning! No one could get the drive working and open. The tech helped me with the purchase of a new external drive and showed me how it worked. From there, we talked about the cloud. Another thing I am clueless about. However, turns out I am not as clueless as I thought! I explained to the tech what I have deduced about my computer and that is I have to work through the desktop, which then automatically backs files up to my cloud account. In the past, our home had its own private server, but this server doesn't back up to the cloud. So now I have to work on uploading files from this server onto my desktop, and I believe me this will take me weeks. But I am on a mission. I am on a mission because I am afraid of losing data, losing Mattie photos, losing Mattie videos and all the things I need to keep me organized electronically.

I am on a journey of self discovery, rather funny at my age, but I guess we are never too old to learn something new, to gain independence to navigate life on our own, and find the resources needed to accomplish this journey. I view today as a success. I feel more confident in how to back up files and I have learned that celebrating the small things, is definitely important, not JUST BECAUSE, but because life is comprised of many small things, and these many small things, add up to large things that define our existence. 

Tuesday, August 26, 2025

Tuesday, August 26, 2025 -- Mattie died 809 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2004. Mattie was two years old and was visiting my parents in California. Going West with Mattie was always entertaining. He was a great traveler.... he loved the whole airplane experience and was all about adventure. However, California, being three hours behind Washington, DC time, Mattie's sleep and wake cycle would be off for days. Literally Mattie would wake up at 2 or 3am, bright eyed and ready to start the day. As you can see Mattie found my sandals and was walking around the house in them. An adorable face and not a day goes by when he isn't missed or thought about!

Quote of the day: It's so weird how that can be, how you could have a night that's the worst in your life, but to everybody else it's just an ordinary night. Like on my calendar at home, I would mark this as being one of the most horrific days of my life. This and the day Daisy died. But for the rest of the world, this was just an ordinary day. Or may be it was even a good day. May be somebody won the lottery today. ~ R. J. Palacio

Today is National Dog Day! A time to recognize the loyalty, companionship, and service that dogs provide. The day honors family pets as well as working dogs that serve in law enforcement, search and rescue, and therapy roles. It also raises awareness about adoption and the importance of caring for animals in need.

Though Sunny is no longer by my side, his memory remains alive and well in my house and heart. A dog never to be forgotten! 

This summer marks 17 years in which I have written this blog DAILY! Not ONE year, not TWO, not ten, SEVENTEEN! Not a day goes by when I do not write. For my loyal readers, you know exactly what I am talking about. In the past, if I traveled, even on a cruise, my computer came with me, and there was always a blog posting. My blog readers have traversed with me through the hospital, Mattie's diagnosis, Mattie's treatment.... the good, the bad, and the horrific, Mattie's death, my 17 year journey with grief, my health scares, all my vacations, my role as a caregiver and now my divorce. This blog is many things, but at the heart of this blog is candor, honesty, and it reflects my inner most thoughts and feelings. Mattie's blog has always been a PERSONAL space to write, reflect, process, and of course share Mattie photos and memories. Each reader of this blog, becomes a part of my Mattie family and helps me carry on his legacy. This is a personal quest, NOT a professional one, and I am so honored you join me! 

What would my life be like NOT writing the blog? I truly don't know, but I do know, if I am not writing, this would mean something is profoundly wrong with me. There are many ways, both positive and negative, that we as human beings learn to cope with life's daily grind and crises. My coping strategy has always been writing. When I first started writing the blog in July of 2008, I really had NO IDEA what I was doing or what to write about! Mattie was just diagnosed, I was traumatized, couldn't sleep and wasn't eating. It was as if someone sent an electric current through my entire body! I was wired, anxious, and couldn't settle down. On a daily basis family, friends, and our school and work communities wanted updates about Mattie. It was exhausting telling the story countless times a day, and sometimes I just couldn't talk because I was with Mattie. Which was when we decided to set up a blog. Back then, Caringbridge, or other platforms did not exist. So we turned to blogger! 

As I began to write, sure I reported things out like a reporter.... giving the facts about what Mattie was facing and what we were facing as a family. However, my personal nature and professional education are centered around emoting! So as I began to get more comfortable with writing the blog, the blog began to explore raw emotions and issues... fear, joy, sadness, depression, anxiety, grief, trauma, you name it! All the natural and understandable psychosocial issues that arise when your child has cancer and how this altered my life in every way. I do believe it is my candor, honesty, and ability to walk you through my day that has brought so many readers to Mattie's blog. After all if you just wanted facts, you could easily search for that on the Internet. This blog is about my lens, my perspective, and it is my journey of survival, survival of many impossibles! Some days, I joke to myself, that you are tuning in just to see.... did Vicki make it through another day???? Through sharing my innermost thoughts and feelings, which I assure you takes great courage, I have gotten connected to so many of you. Which is a blessing! Over the years, I have gotten feedback about my writing and how it has helped you. I laugh at times, when a reader says..... "I did a Vicki, or I channeled my inner Vicki," which usually means being assertive and advocating for your own medical needs or that of others in your care. 

For me being open and honest on the blog is easy. It is easy because I have had 17 years of practice. But even with practice, it requires a great deal of courage and vulnerability to write and share my journey. However, with time and daily discipline to write this blog, it makes it easier to be open in this space and I would like to think that through my openness, my words and experiences resonate with you. You may identify with what I am expressing, perhaps I am putting your own fears and thoughts into words, or at the very least you are seeing.... YOU ARE NOT ALONE! One of my favorite lines in the world. It conveys just so much, because at the end of the day, none of us want to feel alone. We all want to be connected in some way, because it is through human connections, that life is far more meaningful. 

So for example, why do I tell you about the specific caregiving challenges I face on a daily basis? Issues such as intensive clean ups. Could I spare you the details? Probably, but then that wouldn't be real! It wouldn't be authentic! Could I give you a briefer overview of these issues? Probably, but there is NOTHING about caregiving that is for the meek. I think through open and honest dialogues, it normalizes issues that maybe more difficult to discuss out of fear that we may be misunderstood or that we are different. By sharing thoughts and feelings openly, we can see that we are actually more alike than different! Similarly, for those of you who lost someone meaningful in your life, then you know how crushing this is, and frankly the only way to deal with grief (of any kind) from my experience is talking about it, talking about it some more, and MORE, and MORE, and MORE. Yes I have done 17 years of writing, but many of you have done 17 years of reading! People are reading my words around the country and beyond our 50 States. For each and every one of you who absorbs what I write, who shares in my journey, who reads my blog before you go to bed or when you wake up every morning (so touching to be part of you daily routine!), I am GRATEFUL! This shows the power of my Mattie Brown, a mother's undying love, and the willingness to be vulnerable. 

Monday, August 25, 2025

Monday, August 25, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2004. Mattie was two years old and we were in California visiting with my parents. That day we went on an adventure, I believe this was Westlake, but since it was so long ago, and a place I never went before, I don't remember exactly. But if there were ducks around, rest assured Mattie wanted to feed them! Mattie always commented on the relationships and bonds he saw between the birds. The apple didn't fall far from the tree on that front! When my mom was a child, she feed the birds with my grandmother, when I was a child, I remember feeding the birds with both my mom and grandmother, so in a way, this photo featured three generations who were in love with connecting and feeding the birds. 

Quote of the day: For them, it was nothing but an ordinary day on an ordinary day on an ordinary weekend, but for her, there was something revelatory about the notion that wonderful moments like these existed. ~ Nicholas Sparks

My lifetime friend, Karen, sent me a video last night of Arnold, the Canadian Goose, who was injured in New England. The story captured my heart, because it shows the power of connection, commitment, and love. As humans, we think we are the only ones who can possess such deep and meaningful feelings and thoughts. Of course any pet owner can tell you the special bond they share with their dog or cat! Our pets love us unconditionally, they are good listeners, they get us interacting with the outside world, and they seem to know when we need to take a break from working. Goodness knows, Sunny (my Australian Shepherd who died in 2024), left an indelible mark on my heart and he will be forever missed. But what about birds? I know when my mom was a teenager, she had a parakeet named Flip. I have heard countless stories about Flip over the years. Flip apparently could tell when my mom was coming home from school and walking up her apartment staircase. Flip sensed her and would flip out! Flying about, making a racket, and greeting my mom at her front door. 

Canadian Geese truly intrigue me. They always have, mainly because in the winter time, they are beautiful signs and reminders that nature is alive and well. I love seeing them dotted all over the winter grass, flying in their V formations and I admire their ability to form strong bonds and live as part of a community group. Did you know that at the age of 2 or 3 years, geese begin to seek a mate through the process of assortative mating, which means they look for a bird that is about the same size as them. Geese can live between 10 to 25 years, so it's not uncommon for a pair to be together for a decade or longer.

Now hears the part that always gets me, when a goose loses its mate, it typically enters a period of deep mourning, exhibiting "human-like" signs of grief such as hanging its head, appearing apathetic, or becoming withdrawn. The widowed goose may also stay near the site of its mate's death, searching for them for extended periods.

The video below highlights the story of Arnold and his mate, Amelia. Amelia saw that Arnold was captured by the wildlife center staff and she literally followed them back to the clinic and pecked at the sliding glass door of the surgical room, because she wanted to get in and to see what was happening with Arnold. Arnold needed surgery, and just like any of us who had a loved one in surgery, we would want to meet the doctor and see what was going on for ourselves. Amelia apparently felt the same way and also visited Arnold daily while he was recovering! No one was talking about the psychosocial impact or benefits for Arnold by having Amelia present, but I wouldn't be surprised if his recovery time was shortened by having her daily visits. I think Arnold shows us, that being ill is NOT JUST ABOUT THE MEDICINE. The power of bonds and connections are an incredibly healing factor that can not be overlooked or ignored. 

Sunday, August 24, 2025

Sunday, August 24, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2006. Mattie was four years old. This was a typical sight in our living room..... Lego, cars, trucks, and trains. Mattie loved to build and create and he would create elaborate play schemes and of course always wanted us to play along. I may have been Mattie's mom but the other important role I served was play buddy! Watching Mattie in motion was something I will never forget, as he had a sheer love for life.

Quote of the day: I think that the so-called average person often exhibits a great deal of heroism in getting through an ordinary day. ~ Harvey Pekar

This morning, my friend from England, sent me a two minute video to look at about finding the good in each and every day. The video mentioned that on tough days it maybe hard to see anything other than the negative, and yet we can still find moments of joy, things to be happy for if we look for them. The video pointed out that as humans we are almost conditioned toward negativity bias. Meaning we focus on what is wrong, overlooking the positive. Certainly focusing on the negative is crucial during a crisis, when we have to assess all the things around us that could cause harm and danger. However, what happens when we are not in crisis? It takes a lot of focus or to retrain ourselves to notice the good and the bad, in order to create a more healthy balance. 

I let the the content of this two minute video sit in my head all morning. I do think in between sadness, anger, and feeling distraught, that I am aware to never forget the things I should be thankful for. So for example, do you know every morning, while I am toweling my dad off and working on getting him dressed, he usually says to me..... YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL and SMART LADY, or I LOVE YOUR NECKLACE, WHERE DID YOU GET IT? In my dad's way, this is his way of telling me that he appreciates me and he is aware of my efforts. Before I got my dad out of bed this morning, he started asking me questions about what he could see from his bed, hanging in the hallway. My dad wanted to know about these photos by the staircase. I was impressed he could see them from his bed! He says he has been admiring them and wanted to know where I got them!

I explained to my dad that these frames and photos were Mother's Day gifts to me in 2012. As I was recounting to my dad the photos in these frames, he wanted me to know that I am a special person and I was a great mom. These moments of clarity and connections with my dad are positives, which I absorb and never overlook.

Before I took my parents out to brunch today, Indie and I sat on the porch for 15 minutes together watching the hummingbirds. The hummers fascinate me because it is hard to believe something so tiny and beautiful can actually fly and buzz around! Indie is equally fascinated! She never tries to chase or scare the hummers! GOOD GIRL! When I can pause and look at greenery, I can see glimmers of positives in the world. They maybe fleeting, but I am aware of them. 

Since talking to the vet on Friday, I am trying to understand why Indie is pooping outside of the box. This is a behavior she has never done before. On Friday, I decided to white vinegar her box. White vinegar is like the magic cleaning solution to about every household problem! Though cats don't like vinegar, I think Indie appreciates it more than my Clorox based products. I am hoping that my new cleaning routine will make a difference. 

While at brunch today, one of the managers came over to talk with us. She is a new mom and shared many new mom issues with us. She literally sat down with us and was chatting. I listened, was supportive, and then gave her my two cents. After talking with us, she literally said to me.... thank you for letting me vent, for listening to me, and for making me feel better. To me, if I can think beyond my own issues and problems and help someone in some way, then I view this as a positive, which ultimately gives my life meaning.