A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



April 2, 2025

Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2003. We were celebrating Mattie's first birthday and the theme was ELMO! Mattie absolutely LOVED Elmo. In fact, Mattie would multi-task during Sesame Street. But when Elmo came on the screen, Elmo's voice would stop Mattie in his tracks! Mattie would be glued to the TV in the presence of that furry red character. If you look closely in the photo, you will see Mattie was in tot wheels and checking things out!


Quote of the day: When you go through something, you learn to appreciate little things – the birds, trees, flowers. ~ Grizz Chapman


This morning, I got up at 5:30am, in order to get myself ready, my chores done, my dad washed, dressed, downstairs for breakfast and then to his memory care program, so that I could then drive to the hospital for a blood test. Truthfully by the time I got to the hospital, I felt like I had a FULL day! The hospital is about thirty minutes away, so basically I drove an hour round trip. When I got back home, I juggled laundry, grocery shopping, and emails. 

Over the last week, I have been working with Nate, a professional power washer. For the most part I try to do everything at home on my own, if I can. But after talking to my landscaper, I realized I needed HELP. There was no way I could professionally clean our stone patio, clean our deck, stain it, and seal it on my own. I sent these before and after photos to Nate today, because I just can't get over how he transformed our space. 

When we bought this house, I fell in love with the on-line photos first, before ever seeing the actual house. I found the porch and backyard had southern charm, and was like a private oasis. However, in order to keep the beauty of this area up, it requires a lot of attention. It is a daily task that I take on. But no matter how hard I work, I could never accomplish what Nate did in a week! 

This was the BEFORE photo of our porch. You can see the wood turned different colors and was a mess. 

This is the AFTER photo! I spent two hours re-assembling the space this evening. I literally was carrying chairs, plant stands, flower pots, and moving rugs. I then dragged out the vacuum to clean the rugs. I just can't get over how clean the spindles are, they are no longer green from algae! Though I prefer a cherry colored stain, I was advised that this stain will last longer as it is meant for this IPE wood. 

Meanwhile, I think the most dramatic change is the stone patio. This is the BEFORE photo. Looking at this, you would think the stone was grey!










This is the AFTER photo! I just can't get over what power washing was able to accomplish. The stone has color and life. 

I would say the last two weeks have been filled with new challenges and experiences. Everything from:

  • Dealing with Ricki Raccoon. Trapping him, removing and dumping large items that were destroyed in the shed, disinfecting the space, and then beginning a more intensive clean out. 
  • Raccoon proofing the roof.
  • Patio and stone cleaning.
  • Flushing the sump pump.
  • Managing the septic tank pump out. 
  • Computer/technology tune ups.
  • Health insurance paperwork. 
  • Taxes.
  • Fighting my health insurer for medication and a MRI.
  • Literally the list just keeps growing.............. and today, I actually used a coinstar machine for the first time ever! I had a large collection of change and when I don't know how to do something, I first get nervous about doing it, but then charge forward. I asked the fellow at the Giant store today how the machine worked. He told me to follow all the instructions on the screen, and that I would find it easy! He was correct. 
I have been separated since September of 2023, and divorced since October 2024. Now a year and a half later, has it gotten any easier? The answer is NO! No for many reasons. Like losing Mattie, it is not something I have ever gotten over or have moved forward from, but I would say these are traumatic losses that have become part of my life. They become more familiar, but NOT any less painful. 

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