Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2006. Mattie was four and a half years old. This was what our weekends looked like in most cases, regardless of the season. We always went out and about for an adventure with Mattie. Our adventures were typically outdoors because Mattie thrived in wide open spaces. Though I wasn't in love with the outdoor prior to having Mattie, I came to appreciate nature quickly. Mainly because this was where Mattie was happiest, even as a baby! If something engaged Mattie, then it engaged me big time. Just look at that smile, I also can't help but say...... didn't we looked almost exactly alike?
Quote of the day: There is no timeline for grief, no template for healing, no guideposts to follow. There is only our heart letting us know when we’re ready to heal in our own way and time. ~ Melvina Young
For the past three mornings, I have gotten up, gone downstairs to feed Indie and I am hit with a horrible smell! Why? Because for the last three mornings, Indie has pooped on the rug in the basement. Somehow seeing this makes me very upset, as it takes me time to clean this up and deodorize the area. I am particularly troubled that this is a behavioral problem, and I can't figure out what triggers it. The vet is encouraging me to buy a second litter box, because she says as cats age, sometimes they like multiple boxes to do their business. I have been holding off on this because I don't want to clean out two boxes daily, but something has to give. In fact, my joke is every morning I have the trifecta.... 1) Indie pooping on the floor, 2) cleaning linens that line my dad's side of the bed, and 3) dealing with my dad's irritable bowel syndrome. Which I assure you requires a cast iron stomach.
After I dropped my dad off at his memory care center, I ran around doing all sorts of chores. One of which was going to the bank. When I tell you I know everyone who works at our local branch, I am not kidding. I know the bank manager, the bankers and all the tellers. In fact, when I walk in the door everyone greets me with "Hello Victoria." I am so grateful to all these amazing people who have helped me over the last two years.
Later in the day, I took my mom out for tea. This is our Monday, Wednesday, and Friday ritual, while my dad is at his memory care setting. We started doing this when I became separated. Truthfully my mom and I are so traumatized, that it is hard for us to do much else. Where we go for tea is honestly like going into the TV series, Cheers. I know the general manager, all the baristas, and I even know many of the regulars. Today, I was chatting with one of the baristas. I get to know each of their stories, what they are studying, and the struggles they are facing in any given week.
Today's dialogue was fascinating. This young woman is in school and has a statistics test on Monday. She was telling me how she was studying for the test and that she is nervous because she wants to do well. Typically I am not a big fan of math (sorry to my mom and my lifetime friend Karen, both math teachers). However, statistics is one of those things that I find is crucial to understand, especially if you are going to read and evaluate research findings. So this young woman and I chatted about this, but then it led to a more deeper conversation.
Understand that this young woman knows NOTHING about me other than that I am a caregiver to my parents and that I am a licensed mental health provider. She started talking to me about the podcasts she is listening to, mainly because she is dating a fellow now and likes him a lot. But she is very introspective and sensitive and said to me that she is learning that NO EVERYONE reveals their true self. She was telling me that she was listening to a podcast and was absorbed into the dialogue between people calling in and the host. She said several men called in and revealed that they were asking their girlfriends to move in with them. So the young woman asked me.... if a guy wants you to move in with him, what would you think? My response was that he had serious intentions and was making a commitment toward marriage. Her response was EXACTLY, that is how many women calling in responded. But she said that was NOT the intention of several of these men. Instead, one admitted to the radio host that he wanted his girlfriend to move in with him because she had a good job, and the money she gave him would help pay off his college loan quicker. You get the drift, each one had a back story. A story he wasn't revealing to the woman he was involved in.
Needless to say, the young woman I was talking to said to me.... I don't want to make any of these mistakes! She said she wanted a stable life and one where she can commit to another person and he will feel the same way back. But then she went on to say, and keep in mind she is in her twenties (so young!)....... if you are in a committed relationship, then each person in the relationship should be honest and communicate and most of all find a way forward, because that is what a commitment is all about. Honestly, I wanted to hug this young woman! Given that this young woman and I are from a completely different generation, I felt we shared core values.
Naturally I have a lot to say on all of the issues she was discussing, but didn't! All I said to her was, you can only do the best that you can do to evaluate the person you are involved with, try to triangulate information by getting to know his family and friends, and then at some point, you have to follow your gut instinct. But then I said, some people in life do have hidden agendas and though you may think you are on the same page with them, you may find out that you are not. This revelation, this reality, can be very painful and may cause you to doubt yourself and the world around you. That said, we can't beat ourselves up for trusting and loving someone, because if we don't, we will be spending a lifetime alone. With that, she said...... everyone deserves to have someone in their lives. That we were not meant to be alone.
Any case, what today showed me was my expectations for life, love, and commitment are NOT just Vicki things. In fact, many women (even this younger generation) share the same hopes, values, and desire for meaningful relationships. She and I covered a lot of territory together in less than 15 minutes, and in the process we felt like we understood each other better, and were less alone in our thoughts and feelings.
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