Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Mattie was recovering from his first limb salvaging surgery. The whole thing was traumatic, particularly managing the pain. That day, we got Mattie up and in his wheelchair. But it wasn't just any day! It was a Friday! Sitting next to Mattie was Chris, the president of the chemistry club, who came to the pediatric units every Friday! I will never these visits. Mattie loved Chris' activities and when Mattie was too sick to go out into the hallways, the chemistry club came right into Mattie's room! That day they were making slime together. I am NOT AT ALL surprised that Chris is now a physician!
Quote of the day: But when they were walking in the gardens one of them, or perhaps both, began a sentence with 'Do you remember...', that powerful insidious phrase which can upset the most carefully formal conversation. ~ Barbara Pym
Tonight's quote is quite poignant. I have a lot of "do you remember" moments. However, throughout my married life, I never shared any of these moments alone. As hard it was to lose Mattie, when I was married, we shared joint memories. Life before Mattie, life with Mattie, Mattie with cancer, Mattie's death and our journey with this forever loss. Joint moments from our many decades together and I always knew our memories were stronger together. It is harder carrying the baton on my own and frankly I do not think human beings were programmed to be alone. Or at least I wasn't, which is why I got married at the age of 24. In so many ways, I can't remember my life as a single person, and now that I am forced to face this reality, I hate every minute of it.
This afternoon, I took my parent's out to the local restaurant we visit every Saturday. I have gotten to know the manager of this restaurant and today we were chatting about the complexities of people today. In fact, she is the third person this week who discussed this very topic with me! The challenge they mentioned to me is selfishness, of people being self absorbed, and solely focused on their best interest with no regard for others around them. In each conversation I had this week, the culprit we all focused on was the internet. The internet is wonderful and awful at the same time. We have become a species which prefers interacting with things rather than people. Case in point... look at Halloween.
When I was a child and this applies to Mattie's generation too, Halloween was a time when you walked door to door, rang the bell, and the homeowner would greet you, comment on your costume and then give you candy or other treats. If you still do this...... answer your door and hand out candy..... all I can say is amazing! Good for you! It is a lost art. Because for the most part now people leave candy out in a box or bin by their front doors. Or some people even mentioned to me that they shut their lights off altogether and they do not give anything.
Somehow we lost the compassion, focus, and pride for caring about other people around us. All I know is this is not a topic I can relate to, as throughout my life, everyone else around me was always number one, and I came second. This is not a complaint, it is just who I am, and I am saddened that we live in a culture where turning inward is rewarded and has become the norm. Why.... because, I think the most memorable moments, the ones that bring us long term happiness, are those moments shared, united together for a greater good.
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