Sunday, August 24, 2025Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2006. Mattie was four years old. This was a typical sight in our living room..... Lego, cars, trucks, and trains. Mattie loved to build and create and he would create elaborate play schemes and of course always wanted us to play along. I may have been Mattie's mom but the other important role I served was play buddy! Watching Mattie in motion was something I will never forget, as he had a sheer love for life.
Quote of the day: I think that the so-called average person often exhibits a great deal of heroism in getting through an ordinary day. ~ Harvey Pekar
This morning, my friend from England, sent me a two minute video to look at about finding the good in each and every day. The video mentioned that on tough days it maybe hard to see anything other than the negative, and yet we can still find moments of joy, things to be happy for if we look for them. The video pointed out that as humans we are almost conditioned toward negativity bias. Meaning we focus on what is wrong, overlooking the positive. Certainly focusing on the negative is crucial during a crisis, when we have to assess all the things around us that could cause harm and danger. However, what happens when we are not in crisis? It takes a lot of focus or to retrain ourselves to notice the good and the bad, in order to create a more healthy balance.
I explained to my dad that these frames and photos were Mother's Day gifts to me in 2012. As I was recounting to my dad the photos in these frames, he wanted me to know that I am a special person and I was a great mom. These moments of clarity and connections with my dad are positives, which I absorb and never overlook.
Before I took my parents out to brunch today, Indie and I sat on the porch for 15 minutes together watching the hummingbirds. The hummers fascinate me because it is hard to believe something so tiny and beautiful can actually fly and buzz around! Indie is equally fascinated! She never tries to chase or scare the hummers! GOOD GIRL! When I can pause and look at greenery, I can see glimmers of positives in the world. They maybe fleeting, but I am aware of them.
Since talking to the vet on Friday, I am trying to understand why Indie is pooping outside of the box. This is a behavior she has never done before. On Friday, I decided to white vinegar her box. White vinegar is like the magic cleaning solution to about every household problem! Though cats don't like vinegar, I think Indie appreciates it more than my Clorox based products. I am hoping that my new cleaning routine will make a difference.
While at brunch today, one of the managers came over to talk with us. She is a new mom and shared many new mom issues with us. She literally sat down with us and was chatting. I listened, was supportive, and then gave her my two cents. After talking with us, she literally said to me.... thank you for letting me vent, for listening to me, and for making me feel better. To me, if I can think beyond my own issues and problems and help someone in some way, then I view this as a positive, which ultimately gives my life meaning.
2 comments:
One thing that always amazes me when I read your blog is how consistent your drive to help others is. When we are in crisis that drive should (and usually does) diminish or disappear, but somehow you seem to retain it. Just yesterday, you were talking about how much distress it causes you to hear about other people's pregnancies and/or babies (understandable!). However, in this situation, while you were simultaneously managing both of your parents, you took the time to only allow this manager to to talk to you about this sensitive topic, but you made her feel comfortable enough to sit down and join you and you offered her the exact support she needed. As a bereaved parent myself, I can admit that hearing people complain about the challenges of parenting is almost enraging at times. They are complaining about things that I would give the world to have back! The fact that you can put these feelings aside and be there for someone else at this point in your life gives me hope for myself...and I think it is a perfect illustration of who you are and why you are so loved by the people who really know you.
My dear reader, I saw your comment today and it brought a smile to my face. First off, I am deeply saddened that you know about child loss first hand. NO parent should have to ever bury a child. It goes against the natural order of life. Such a nightmare forever changes us and only those of us in this forever loss club, know the heartache this produces DAILY, YEARLY, DURING HOLIDAYS, and other MILESTONES! In addition, no matter how much time goes by, we are still bereaved parents and I find that some things will always set us off. Others may misinterpret our feelings, because they live life with an alternative lens from ours. But I get why you are enraged at times and I had to comment to say..... I understand, and I still have these moments, more than I care to admit. It is very hard seeing healthy children around me with parents who are glued to their phones or short tempered.
Thank you for seeing ME for who I REALLY am! Though we do not know each other, I am honored that you read this blog, and you can see that what brings me happiness in life is helping others. That is me at the core. The fact that you can see this and took the time to write to me, means the world to me.
Now all that said, given that you took the time to write to me, and brighten my day, says a lot about you and your character. May we both find the strength and courage each day to carry on without our children. Some days we take it day by day, some days we take it minute by minute.
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