Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2008. Mattie was six years old and believe it or not, a month later he was diagnosed with cancer. Little did we know how our lives would be forever changed. I look at this photo now and it makes me pause. I pause because there are times I forget that Mattie did sit with us at our dining room table, and yet my mind has brushed over all our family meals together. Thank goodness for photos, which jog my memory! I also look at my parents here and realize how much younger and vibrant they were, and just like Mattie, I would never have guessed their decline.
Quote of the day: No matter how badly people treat you, never drop down to their level, just know you’re better and walk away. ~ Unknown
When I tell you that most mornings I wake up and ask myself..... what shoe will drop today? I am NOT kidding. Again, today did not disappoint. I am so exhausted from the weekend and life in general, but I pulled myself out of bed at 6:45am. Thankfully I did, because at 7am, the person who helps me maintain the pool rang the doorbell. The pool company is working very hard at correcting my murky bathtub outside, which I have been looking at for a month now. Literally she added 30 gallons of chlorine to the pool on Friday, and our pool is a salt water pool. But it needed to be "shocked" back into normality. Slowly but surely it is working. I spoke with Jessica at length today in my pajamas, as there are various issues that I am seeing and needed to be reported.
Once I finally got showered and dressed, I started on breakfast downstairs, before beginning my cleaning and caregiving routine. All of a sudden while prepping stuff, I heard my mom screaming from upstairs! Naturally I stopped what I was doing and asked her what was wrong. At which point she told me she was bleeding and couldn't stop the blood flow. Fortunately the blood was coming from her nose, and I have seen her massive nose bleeds before. Typically dry air makes her nose dry and then she blows her nose incessantly and that causes her to burst a blood vessel. If you have never seen a burst vessel, I assure you the amount of blood coming out is impressive. It was all over her and the floor. It looked like a crime scene. Once Mattie got cancer, there is no longer even a part of me that is squeamish. I have seen it all. The issue on top of stopping the blood was also calming my mom down. She was hysterical and shaking like a leaf. When someone is hysterical and traumatized..... you literally have to talk to them, like you are going back to basics. I told her to sit down. The to stop talking, then to take a deep breath and then I shoved a wadded tissue up her nose and ran to get an ice pack. I brought her back to her bed, had her sit on the heated blanket, and I propped her up with pillows, with her head slightly tipped backward. This enabled the ice bag to sit properly on the bridge of her nose. Literally I was at it with her for 30 minutes. I finally got the blood to stop and she began to calm down.
Of course in the process my dad was confused, as I was in their bedroom. Therefore in his mind that meant he was ready to get up and start his morning routine. At which point, I literally told him... NO! STAY PUT! It isn't time to get up! I couldn't juggle him and her at the same time, and the one who was bleeding and hysterical took precedence!
Any case, my morning schedule was thrown off and I got my dad to his memory care center about 15 minutes late. Which was a bit problematic, as he had a physical therapy session scheduled. After dropping my dad off, I went home and spent TWO HOURS working through June bills. This was a hateful month and you would think since I have been doing bills since September of 2023, that I would be used to it by now. I AM NOT! I HATE IT with every fiber of my being. In fact, overall, to me life is one big chore, with no end in sight, and with no hope for a future. My future walked out the door in September of 2023, and since that point, I have been forever changed. YET AGAIN!
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