Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Mattie was invited by his art teacher, Debbie, to her studio. They worked together for a few sessions and created 'Mr. Sun.' Mr. Sun is an incredible masterpiece that hangs in our home. Debbie encouraged Mattie to sign the art and to date it when it was done! I do not think Debbie thought Mattie was going to make his name so bold and big, but now I have to admit that this is one of the many things I love about this painting. If you look at Mr. Sun, is it any wonder why Mattie Miracle's logo is the sun and that the Foundation's colors are ORANGE, YELLOW, and RED???? Mattie in essence guided his Foundation! Debbie and Mattie hit it off together on Day 1 of kindergarten! I will never forget Debbie's commentary about Mattie in his report card. One of the things she wrote was Mattie was an "old soul!" I couldn't agree more!
Quote of the day: We didn’t realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun. ~ Winnie the Pooh
Wow what a day! I got up at 6am today in order to get everything done and my dad downstairs for his 9:30am nursing appointment. When I got up, I went downstairs to feed Indie and once again she pooped on the basement area rug. It is no longer a one time issue, it is practically a daily problem. If that was the only thing I dealt with all day long, that would be bad enough. Bu when I got my dad up, washed and partially dressed, he had an irritable bowel attack. The bathroom and his body looked like a crime scene. Truly it is devastating, both to smell and to clean up. Of course when under a time pressure, because the nurse was coming, only seems to add to my stress level.
As it is, stage 2 will require two nursing visits a week, and I will have daily maintenance of the sore. The nurse was impressed that I knew to order silicone foam dressings and was already actively working on wound care. Fortunately, I had the wherewithal to address this early because my dad meets all the criteria to be the perfect candidate for developing sores.... he's sedentary, he has Alzheimer's, is incontinent, and has diabetes.
After dropping my dad off, I drove about 30 minutes to my doctor's appointment. My primary care doctor wants to see me every six months. Why? Well I learned today, it is not just because of my cholesterol issues. It is because he is worried about me. He feels like I am under a sickly level of stress, managing things alone, dealing with being divorced, and the list goes on. Keep in mind that I met this doctor for the first time in April of 2025. My doctor (of over 20 years) retired, and this fellow is her replacement. He is younger and has a much different philosophy on medicine. He works harder to get to know the whole patient, which means understanding their lives. Frankly for me it is a bit of an adjustment.
So today, I thought I was going in to talk about my cholesterol levels, but instead I got hit with much, much more. For the last six months, I have cut back on all the things I love..... cookies, cake, ice cream, bread, and cheese. These diet changes have had a direct impact on my cholesterol levels, as they all decreased. Before I went to the appointment today, I looked up my own blood test results and then charted my numbers from the last three years. So I was armed with data in the appointment.
But like I said, our discussion turned out NOT to be cholesterol related. The doctor said he can feel my stress, as I was talking and reflecting on things, and at one point he said to me.... if I were you, I am not sure how I could handle any of this, and said justified hurts and losses are the worst kind. Literally I felt like he wanted to play psychiatrist and not internist. He is encouraging me to let go of my numerous emotional hurts, not because they are not justified, but because he is terribly worried about my physical health. He then threw out another word I am not wild about... forgiveness.
Forgiveness is an emotionally laden word (which is why I suggest it be used carefully depending upon who we are talking to), because when we think of forgiveness, we think of what we have to bestow on someone else! However, as I have been reflecting on the doctor's numerous comments today, forgiveness in my case (which is the only thing I have control over), is to forgive myself. Forgiving myself for being devoted, loyal, and committed to a relationship for 35 years and to stop beating myself up for being so dependent and naive about this connection. At the time when he talked about forgiveness, I literally told him, it isn't me who gives out forgiveness it is God. Do I think God judges our actions and behaviors? Yes 100%, but I also think God understands our hurts, and can take our anger and also can accept if we do not wish to dole out forgiveness. But that said, it is my hope in time, God gives me the strength to forgive myself. I assure you it is an absolutely hateful reality to know that I am divorced and that I am facing the loss of a future I always imagined.
As my appointment ended today, the doctor wanted to remind me to turn to my supports! I literally said to him.... what supports? I am managing every crisis and issue alone. He paused and then said.... I am one of your supports. If you need to yell at someone or be angry at someone, talk to me. Literally he had me laughing... and reminded me..... I am seeing him in April.
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