Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Mattie had his first limb salvaging surgery on his right arm. As you can see Mattie's arm was in a sling and it was also casted. That evening, he came outside onto our deck and I snapped this photo of him. Notice the pumpkins! If it was Fall, Mattie always wanted to see pumpkins. Pumpkins became a fall tradition. After Mattie died, I never bought another pumpkin again. That is until we moved into our home in 2021. This house was supposed to be a new chapter in our lives, and given that my parents are living with me, I decided it was important to resurrect Mattie's pumpkin tradition!
Quote of the day: The world is shaped by two things — stories told and the memories they leave behind. ~ Vera Nazarian
This morning, while showering my dad, the doorbell rang. My mom went to see who was at the door. It was a young couple holding a bible. My mom did not open the door, but came to tell me what was going on. I am sure each person may react differently to such a visit, but for me, when you come onto my property, and I haven't invited or expected you.... I don't like it. Religion and being religious is a private matter and I do not like being solicited to feel a certain way on my own property. So I paused my process with my dad and went downstairs, opened the door and told this couple to move along. I literally called the police to find out what a property owner's rights are and if it is legal for religious groups to go house to house in a neighborhood looking to recruit members. Ironically the answer is YES. The police officer said the only thing I can do is ask this person to leave my property, but I can't prevent them from going door to door. This was not the answer I was looking for, especially since I wouldn't be going door to door to share information about childhood cancer and solicit funds, therefore, I do not expect any other group to do the same.
But today's encounter reminded me of what my doctor said to me yesterday! In our dialogue he discussed God. Again, not a typical conversation one has with a medical doctor. I explained to him that I am Catholic and I asked him about his religious beliefs. His response caught my attention. He said... Religion is for those afraid of going to hell and spirituality is for those who have been through hell. He then told me he is no longer religious, but is spiritual. My response to him was I am sorry you have been through hell and perhaps one day you will tell me more about that.
So what do I think of this doctor's philosophy on religion? Again, I think to give a blanket statement that everyone who follows an organized religion does this because they are afraid of going to hell, is inaccurate. People turn to religion for different reasons and I certainly know many people who have gone through their own personal hell, but through this experience it brought them closer to God. Or that it is religion that has helped someone have the faith to make it to the next day. When Mattie died, I was angry. I was angry that God did not save Mattie and therefore left me with a future of being childless. I have been on my own personal journey of grief and trauma, but I do believe that God is along this painful road with me. His presence, I see in the wonderful signs of nature and the many wonderful and kind people who help me along the way with my divorce and with my parents. As I told the doctor, I haven't jumped out of the window yet, so there must be a greater life force at play, helping me manage through each minute, hour, day, week, month, and year!
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