Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2003. Mattie was one year old and that day we went to the Reston Zoo. This photo just gets me! Mattie was checking out a goat at his eye level, and I had one jumping up to greet me! Naturally they were looking for food! Whenever I pass this Zoo now, I can't help but have flashbacks. I am transported back to all the priceless moments I had with Mattie.... feeding goats, the pony rides, or riding out on a tractor into the fields to see all the other animals living at the Zoo. Life with Mattie was never boring and the adventures I had with Mattie were a daily occurrence.
Quote of the day: The waves of life will keep coming. It’s your choice whether to stand and face them or keep running up the beach. ~ Tyler Knott Gregson
Has someone you loved died? Are you disconnected from someone you love in your life? Chances are you can answer YES to one or both of these questions! We are human and therefore LOSS (in some shape or form) is part of living. It is the ONE universal characteristic we all SHARE! Yet how we do deal with loss or the trauma associated with certain losses? Don't worry, I will NOT be presenting you with my TOP TEN LIST! Many of you know what I think of lists! I find them trite and they border on insulting that such pain can easily be sifted down to a list.
What I do think however, is that many of us impacted by loss look deeply to nature and the world around us to stay connected and bonded with those we lost. I will give you two examples that remain with me always. Even though they occurred in 2009, shortly after Mattie died, I think these signs say it all. Sometimes things happen that defy understanding and if they did not happen to me personally, I am not sure I would NOW believe in the power of signs presented in nature. But I wholeheartedly do, and if you are facing your own grief, trauma and heartbreak, I invite you to look for these special signs in nature, that are provided to keep us going. They are reminders..... we are NOT ALONE.
PHOTO: The car where my two stories occurred!!!!
So I am now taking you back to September of 2009, the month Mattie died. One day I was driving my car (a car that I bought while pregnant with Mattie, so he spent a lot of time in the car both while healthy and when he had cancer) to a friend's house. I parked the car, locked it, and went inside to visit with my friend. After several hours, I came back outside, opened the car door and sat in the driver's seat. When I looked over to the front passenger seat, I was perplexed! Why? Well the back of the seat was completely reclined. I hadn't left it that way, so what caused this to happen? Mind you the only way to move the back of the seat into this position, was with the car on, because the positional adjustments required electricity. There was NO manual way to move this seat otherwise!
This oddity may not capture your attention as it did me, but perhaps when I tell you the following it will! After Mattie had his second limb salvaging surgery, his right leg was in a cast. Therefore, he could not bend his leg at the knee. Therefore, to transport Mattie back and forth to the hospital, I would recline the back of the front passenger seat so it was horizontal, and while Mattie was sitting the back seat, I would prop his casted leg on the front passenger side seat. That was the ONLY time that passenger seat was reclined. THEREFORE, when I saw this seat magically reclined on its own, I thought Mattie was somehow in the car with me. That he was sending me a sign. Do note, that I never saw this happen ever again! So it wasn't like there was an electrical malfunction. It was an unexplained incident, that to me has NO logical explanation, other than MATTIE WAS WITH ME!
The second unexplained happening, was while I was driving this same car. The radio in the car was OFF while I was driving! Then all of a sudden the radio magically turned on, and not just on, but was playing ABBA's Dancing Queen. Why was this noteworthy? Because this was a song Mattie loved, and many of his physical therapy sessions in the hospital were done to this very same song! How I did not drive right off the road that day, I don't know. I literally felt a surreal feeling come over me while driving, as if someone was in the car with me, turning on the radio, and wanting me to hear this song! If you have a logical explanation for the radio turning on and playing Dancing Queen, please leave me a comment. But like with the reclined front seat, my interpretation of this sign was..... MATTIE WAS WITH ME!
After Mattie died, besides being devastated, I worried about Mattie. Yes I believe in heaven, and I believe Mattie was headed straight there, but as a 7 year old, I felt like he needed his mom. How would he manage without me? Remember feelings do not need to make sense. They are what they are! These two very bold signs that transpired in MY CAR, I interpreted them as messages from Mattie that he was okay, and though he may not be with me physically, but he is never far away.
No comments:
Post a Comment