Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2004. Mattie was two years old. That year we went to Target together and Mattie gravitated to this Winnie the Pooh sweat suit! I knew getting him a costume would NOT have worked because Mattie had issues with tags and tight clothing. He preferred soft textures. Which was why the first several years his costumes were made from sweat material. In any case, I thought he made the sweetest looking Pooh! Notice the little pumpkins behind him. Mattie loved to collect these orange cuties and of course the Mattie telltale sign was.... he was carrying a toy train in his hand! He was never empty handed.
Quote of the day: I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; Yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; Yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge. ~ Og Mandino
Tonight's quote truly made me laugh! I think if I am given one more obstacle in life, I will lose it! Figuratively and literally. Do I think obstacles make us uncomfortable, challenge thinking and feelings, and force us to change? Yes but as I always say...... NOT all change is positive and for good.
Mattie's cancer was ONE VERY LARGE OBSTACLE. Managing and coping with Mattie's care in the hospital on a daily basis for 14 months was harrowing. It didn't provide me with one challenge, it provided me with thousands. Some obstacles arose on the hour or minute by minute. Making it close to impossible to process what was going on, much less learn from it. I would say, 15 years later, I am still working my way through this life altering loss. A loss that most can't or won't comprehend.
What I do know, is from childhood cancer, I learned what needed to be done to help and assist other children and their families. I use these life and death obstacles to try to help others and in the process, try to put into context the fact that I lost Mattie. A fact that doesn't diminish with each passing year.
Today, after dropping my dad off at the memory care center, I took my mom to the city to go to the salon. I am so thrilled I changed salons and have returned to the one closer to my townhouse (when I lived in the city). This salon holds fond memories for me as does my former neighborhood. Going to this salon is so much easier, as parking is simple, and there are no cobblestones for my mom to walk on! While at the salon, I had the opportunity to chat with my manicurist. I have known her since 2009, when Mattie died. We have shared many ups and downs together and today, I got to see another side of her. Each time we meet, we can talk for two hours straight with no problem. Needless to say, I thought I knew everything there was about her. But today we talked about the value of forgiveness. Forgiving those who hurt us and how to move forward once you have been emotionally hurt.
I found her insights into her own life fascinating, and after our talk what I concluded with her is that it actually takes MUCH MORE strength to love and forgive than it actually does to have hatred and anger. Any case, while in the salon, I forget about my own problems and for two hours, while my mom was occupied, I had meaningful chats, with people I have known for decades.
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