Saturday, December 9, 2023

Saturday, December 9, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004. Mattie was two and half years old. By that age, Mattie was very ON and full of life. Mattie was a busy fellow and rarely sat still. His mind was always going and his body followed suit. As you can see, he LOVED his vehicles! Mattie naturally gravitated to all things with wheels. I remember prior to having Mattie, I would lecture my human development students about nature versus nurture. I always was a strong proponent of nurture, but once I had Mattie, I realized nature plays a huge role in one's personality and interests. One of the many many things I learned from Mattie!

Quote of the day: People die all the time. Life is a lot more fragile than we think. So you should treat others in a way that leaves no regrets. Fairly, and if possible, sincerely. It’s too easy not to make the effort, then weep and wring your hands after the person dies. ~ Haruki Murakami

This morning, my dad had a physical therapy session. I had paused his therapy for a month because I have been distraught and overwhelmed. But I realize this was having negative consequences on my dad's strength and abilities. So I was thankful Laura came over today. She can see that my dad has regressed and gets winded with any kind of movement now. However, I know with her support, we can restabilize him again. 

While my dad was in his PT session, our neighbor came over for a visit. She has become like an aunt to me. She cares deeply and is very fond of me. When she was ill not long ago, I went grocery shopping for her and her husband and I also helped to clean up their yard. They haven't forgotten any of these gestures and in turn have adopted me as a person they feel close to in the neighborhood. I am honored to have a neighbor that genuinely cares, has good intentions, and wants to be a part of my life. 

Later in the day, I took my parents out for frozen yogurt. Something my dad loves! Then ran to the grocery store for fresh fish for dinner. Truly after running around all day, I really did not want to walk Sunny. But at 5pm, he looked at me with his big sad eyes, so I grabbed a flashlight and out we went! It was a great decision because it perked me up. 

When in the kitchen, I love seeing this particular counter! I happen to love this little nook and I typically decorate it according to the season!

Within the last three days, I have received some lovely messages either by email or actual cards. People who want me to know how special Mattie Miracle is to them and to the children we serve. Here are a few messages that mean a lot to me:

From a therapeutic clinic (in which we pay for a young fellow's therapy)..................

Dear Victoria, Thank you so much for your generosity for X. We really appreciate it. Thanks, BB (billing manager)

From two long time supporters...................

Dear Vicki, Congratulations for all of the love, caring, and for making such an unselfish contribution to so many human beings. All good wishes. Love, H

Merry Christmas Vicki! It gives me joy to help your amazing organization. The spirit of Mattie lives on in so many families. Best, K

Friday, December 8, 2023

Friday, December 8, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004. I absolutely love this photo! We received some Christmas packages in the mail, and we stored them under the staircase. However, boxes intrigued both Mattie and Patches. Patches was rubbing her head against the boxes and Mattie simply wanted to open the boxes. Both of them had to fight their instincts. But what I love about this photo was it showed the sweet bond between Mattie and Patches. Even at the age of two, Mattie was learning the responsible behavior of being a pet owner. Over time, Mattie understood that he had to pet Patches gently and not to run after her or pull her tail. In fact, when friends would come over who were not cat owners, Mattie would give them a tutorial on how to interact appropriately with a cat. It was adorable. 

Quote of the day: We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another. ~ Sheryl Sandberg

I truly believe that tonight's quote is spot on, and it is a philosophy on how I live my life. My instinct is always to help people, to provide the space and time so others feel heard, and no matter who you are, I believe it is important to treat people with kindness and understanding. Of course I am human, and if I am threatened or mistreated in some way by a person, I will become guarded and my natural instinct will take over to protect myself. 

I had a full morning of my usual routine, Foundation work, dealing with repair people, and phone calls. However, in the early afternoon, I took my mom to Starbucks. Our local store is like our Cheers. We know all the people who work behind the counter and they all say hello and try to be as helpful as possible. Today, they even gave me a friends discount. That may not have meant a lot to the person behind the counter, but to me, I thought that was the nicest gesture. Someone looking out for me and letting me know that my presence in their store is appreciated. Kindness goes a long long way with me. 

Two nights ago, I attended my fourth therapy session. I have to admit that my previous week's session set me off because the therapist put her lens on what I was telling her and downplayed what I was saying and feeling. What it showed me was she wasn't getting me, she wasn't seeing my point of view, and instead inserted her lens into my thoughts and feelings. Needless to say, I was hesitant to go back to this therapist and thought.... what's the point!? I have my hands full already, I don't need another stressful encounter in my life. In any case, on my way to therapy this week, I was chatting back and forth through my phone with my friend Mary Ann. She and I met each other in graduate school and we formed a bond over ethics class. We have been friends ever since. But it was something that Mary Ann said to me in a message that empowered me to speak up and be upfront with this therapist. 

Confronting someone and sharing my thoughts and feelings, enables me to see how they will respond. Will my concerns be taken seriously or will the person become defensive? The therapist heard how her behavior and comments affected me and she apologized. In fact, my honesty enabled us to work through the differences we had the week before and I found at the end of the session we both had a clearer and more effective communication style. Bottom line, honesty and communication are always the way to go to develop a meaningful and trusting relationship of any kind. Would I have confronted the therapist without Mary Ann's message? Most likely yes, but my friend's message empowered me to realize that if the therapist couldn't handle my confrontation, then what I would conclude is she isn't the right fit for me. 

Thursday, December 6, 2023

Thursday, December 7, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2005. We went to Boston for Christmas to spend it with Peter's family. While there, it snowed! We took Mattie for a walk by the pond and that trip he got to play in the snow, sled, and even build a snowman. Mattie gravitated to the colors red and orange, which is therefore no surprise that these colors now represent Mattie's Foundation. 

Quote of the day: Here’s the thing: every loss is valid. And every loss is not the same. You can’t flatten the landscape of grief and say that everything is equal. It isn’t. ~ Megan Devine

It was another whirlwind of a day. It is 9:30pm, and I am still working on one thing or another. I took my dad to the doctor this morning, to check his A1C. It is my hope that we have his sugar under control and he doesn't need to be on diabetes meds. As every med he has tried so far has produced horrific side effects. 

After the appointment, I got my parents back in the car and then I took them out for soup. Once home, Sunny wanted attention, and after dealing with laundry and other chores, Sunny and I went for a walk. While walking, he finally had a bowel movement, and I was able to collect a specimen to bring back to the vet today. More running around. I came home and worked on bill paying and other issues, and then by 7pm, I scrambled to make dinner. 

Of course what I know is tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, will be more of the same!

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003. Mattie was a year and a half old. We took Mattie to Boston for Thanksgiving and one of the gifts Peter's mom gave Mattie was this talking Elmo. Mattie was absolutely mesmerized by this toy! He wanted to understand how it could move and talk. Elmo was Mattie's all time favorite Sesame Street character and he loved this gift so much that he even brought it to his preschool for show and tell!

Quote of the day: We have trauma, and we have grief. People die, and we find it baffling. Painful. Inexplicable. Grief is baffling. There are theories on how we react to death, how we cope, how we handle loss. Some believe the range of emotions mourners experience is predictable, that grief can be monitored, as if mourners are following a checklist. But sorrow is less of a checklist, more like water. It's fluid, it has no set shape, never disappears, never ends. It doesn't go away. It just changes. It changes us. ~ Mira Ptacin

Yesterday when I got the mail out of our post box, I saw a Christmas card sitting there. At first I thought it was for us, as the house number was the same, but I noticed the street was different. It was also not addressed to us. So the postman delivered the card to the wrong address. Literally it was meant to go to a house about four blocks away. Truthfully given all that I am dealing with, my initial thought was... I am going to toss the card! Then I thought about it and decided instead to get in the car and personally deliver the card to its intended recipient. Why was I compelled to do this?

I chalk it up to watching the Hallmark series called Signed, Sealed, and Delivered. Before moving to our house in 2021, I used to watch the Hallmark channel religiously. I see and live with enough unhappy endings in my real life, which is why Hallmark resonates with me! There are only happy endings on Hallmark! Where people learn, grow, and love each other! If life was only like a Hallmark movie! In any case, this is the premise of Signed, Sealed, and Delivered.........

Signed, Sealed, Delivered is a wonderful combination of romance, comedy and drama that follows the lives of four postal detectives who transform themselves into a team of detectives to track down intended recipients of undeliverable mail. Their missions take them out of the office and into an unpredictable world where redirected letters and packages can save lives, solve crimes, reunite old loves and change futures by arriving late but somehow always on time.

When I picked up that Christmas card, what immediately came to mind is that perhaps there is an important message in this card! Perhaps someone is writing to support someone else and the words in this card could potentially transform someone's day! All these thoughts flooded my mind, which compelled me to get in the car and deliver the card! Who knows the nature of the card, but what I do know is WORDS can instill hope, make us feel comforted, and remind us WE ARE NOT ALONE. I am hoping this card provided all these things to the intended recipient! 

Tuesday, December 5, 2023

Tuesday, December 5, 2023 -- Mattie died 740 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003. Mattie was a year and a half old. While visiting Peter's parents in Boston, we also went over to my cousin Donna's house for dinner. Donna was Mattie's Godmother. When I was growing up, I felt very connected to Donna and her sister, Rosalinda. Which was why, I was thrilled Donna could serve this important role in Mattie's life. I absolutely loved that big Mattie smile! It is something I will never forget. 

Quote of the day: They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies. ~ William Penn

This afternoon, I took my parents to the dentist in the city. I have been going to this dentist office since I was in my 20s! So a long time indeed. I like this office because they use evidence based, state of the art care. However now that I live outside the Capital Beltway, it literally takes me an hour to commute each way to go to the dentist. Why? Because I have to drive there, park, and walk my parents to the office. Nothing about traveling in the city is easy with 80+ year olds. 

My hygienist's name is Annie. I absolutely LOVE her. She knows that I am a full time caregiver and balance a great deal of stress. Today she greeted us in the waiting area and said that she found another hygienist that could work with one of my parents, so that instead of one parent going followed by the other, both of my parents could get treated at the same time! I thought that was a very generous and thoughtful offer. I let my mom have her appointment with Annie and I accompanied my dad back with Alisa. I had never met Alisa before, but within minutes, I knew we would get along splendidly. 

Getting my dad in a dentist chair is no easy feat. He needs pillows behind his neck and legs. I also have to lift his legs onto the dentist chair. In any case, what I learned today is that dental hygienists are a bit like a bartenders. In that they can size up and read people very quickly. I am telling you within minutes Alisa figured me out! She basically gave me a read out of myself, without having to say very much. Alisa said that I strike her as a person who gives much more to others than receives, that I am a born caregiver, and that my parents are doing as well as they are because of my attentive, loving, and around the clock care. I am telling you I wasn't looking for compliments or feedback, but I must say given all that I am dealing with now, hearing loving comments about me and my role was like the best Christmas present someone could have given me. I will never forget Alisa and today's conversation. 

Alisa wanted to know how I learned to be a caregiver. I told her I come from a long line of family caregivers and have also had lots of personal experience. I spared her the story of Mattie. I will leave that for next time. But I received an A+ today on my dad's dental care, as the office knows I am the one who brushes and flosses my dad's teeth. 

After my dad's appointment, we went out into the waiting area. My mom was waiting for us and was talking to a fellow patient. It turns out that this patient also commended me and said he wished he had a daughter in his life who cared for him as half as well as I do for my parents (this patient watched me bring my parents into the office and prepped them for their appointments). As I always say, I am amazed by what people absorb and observe. I know when I took my parents on cruises, by the end of each cruise, passengers would approach me and say.... we have observe you the entire cruise and we are so impressed with the care you provide your parents. Mind you I wasn't looking for kudos and I certainly wasn't aware that people were watching me. 

Being a full time caregiver is not an easy role, but I do think it is one of the most important roles I have taken on in my life. Whether it has been for my grandmother, Mattie, or my parents. It maybe why I was placed on this earth. It is my purpose and I do think the skills I have acquired over all these years could help me create a caregiving assistance company of my own.  

Monday, December 4, 2023

Monday, December 4, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003. Mattie was a year and a half old and was doing another favorite thing.... puzzles. Mattie gravitated to puzzles early in his life. He had a few favorites, and this vehicle themed puzzle was one of them! I remember these moments in time like they were yesterday. 

Quote of the day: I've found that there is always some beauty left -- in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself; these can all help you. ~ Anne Frank

It was a whirlwind of a day. I got up at 5:30am, because there was that much to get accomplished. Once I got my dad to his memory care center, I came back home to return some emails, then got my mom and Sunny in the car and took Sunny for his annual wellness check, including vaccines. I am happy to report that the Sunman has gained two pounds, since starting steroids! Steroids are a wonder drug for him. He has more energy and an appetite! 

After Sunny's exam, I brought him home and then jumped back into the car to drive about thirty minutes to the Foundation's post office. I dropped off our mass mailer for the Foundation and then drove to the hospital for a doctor's appointment. I have been dealing with intense sciatic nerve pain for a month. What I learned today is that it will take time for inflammatory to subside, I will take anti-inflammatories for another ten days, and use heat. It was recommended that I go to physical therapy because this is a recurrent issue that I get. So we shall see how I fit that in, but I already am consulting with my dad's PTs, who I love. It is easy for me to retrigger this sciatic problem! I just have to turn the wrong way. In this case, I was pushing a heavy box that came in the mail in October. While crouching down to move the box, I literally fell backwards on my backside. At the time it didn't hurt, but a few weeks later this flair up occurred! 

My very first experience with sciatic nerve pain was when I was pregnant with Mattie. So I literally associate this pain with Mattie/Motherhood. Perhaps it is a sign from Mattie, reminding me that he did existed and is still watching over me! 

Once my appointment was done, I then ran more chores with my mom, including picking up scripts for my parents. Needless to say, my mom and I did not eat lunch today. Just too much running around. I did make a nice dinner for us, and now it is almost 10pm, when I take my dad up to bed for the evening. Unfortunately tomorrow is going to be another whirlwind, as it involves taking my parents into the city for their dentist appointments. When my dad is with the hygienist, I am in the room with him. Given his cognitive decline, the dentist has asked that I brush my dad's teeth. So when my dad gets a good report, the dental team literally gives me a gold star. We shall see what tomorrow holds.

Sunday, December 3, 2023

Sunday, December 3, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2004. Mattie was two and a half years old and this little table was a relatively new purchase back then. Mattie loved having a table designed for his height and I can't tell you all the fun and games we had in this small space. What Mattie showed me early on was that with a little creativity and imagination, anything was possible. 

Quote of the day: Here’s the thing: every loss is valid. And every loss is not the same. You can’t flatten the landscape of grief and say that everything is equal. It isn’t. ~ Megan Devine

Do not ask me how long I have been working on this year's Annual Drive mass mailer for the Foundation! It feels like I have been at it for weeks! Between designing it, getting it printed, ordering supplies, and then refining our database. Yesterday I finally was able to create mailing labels, print them out and then I started assembling. 

This kind of logistical issue is something that I excel at, in fact when I was a graduate assistant at the University, I took on many of these kinds of tasks. After a while, they become second nature to you. As long as you are organized, it can go smoothly. I have been working slowly but steadily and was determined to get all 400 letters in the mail tomorrow!

A year ago, Peter bought this folding table for us. It is very helpful for projects like these because if I were to use the table we eat on, I would have to shuffle things around constantly. With this table, I can just leave it as it is and get the work done. Notice who was in the background? Indie was by the window sleeping in her perch! She is never far, and as I am typing this, she is sitting practically in my lap.

All 400 envelopes are ready to go and now in the trunk of my car. I am thankful to Darryll, who works in the post office where Mattie Miracle's PO Box is located. He has helped me with getting enough holiday stamps, weighing the mailer to make sure one stamp would cover the cost of postage and then of course he gave me the bins to organize the letters. I have been working with Darryll for over 10 years and his kindness to me and the Foundation never go unnoticed.