Mattie Miracle 2021 Walk was a $125,000 success!

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.

As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

December 25, 2010

Friday, December 24, 2010

Friday, December 24, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008. Mattie was in the Lombardi Clinic and had received an infusion of the experimental drug, MTP-PE. In usual fashion, this drug made Mattie ill with a fever and rigors (intense chills, that were frightening to see). In the midst of this reaction, in which he could barely keep his head up, Santa and Mrs. Claus came to visit Mattie. They brought him several gifts (one of which was a Lego set!) and for that moment in time, Mattie lifted his head, smiled for Santa, and then basically collapsed into the pillow right after the picture was taken.

Quote of the day: Tell me in mournful numbers life is but an empty dream! Lives of great men all remind us we can make our lives sublime, and, departing, leave behind us footprints in the sands of time. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

As I look at the picture I posted of Mattie tonight, it shows the innocence of a child, who despite battling cancer, appreciated the joy and magic of Christmas. Mattie was so sick that day in clinic, he was so debilitated, and yet he mustered the energy to greet Santa and take a picture. The spirit of Mattie speaks loudly and clearly to me here and though Christmas of 2008, was a horrible Christmas, I have found that the past two Christmases without Mattie in them have been even worse.

Though I haven't been reporting this on the blog, I have been suffering with a migraine headache now for about two weeks straight. It was my hope that it would subside with my change in scenery, but it has not. It can be very debilitating to have such intense headaches day in and day out. This morning, my mom, Peter, and I went for a walk. We walked over 3.1 miles and were out in the sunshine and the fresh air. Sometimes walking and air can make me feel better, but unfortunately that did not happen today. I do think the holidays are weighing heavily on Peter and I, and frankly the notion of another year feeling this way is a daunting prospect.

My parents were having friends over to their house tonight, and Peter and I tried to help them with the party. Peter and I actually work very well together in the kitchen and with party planning. Perhaps that comes to my readers as no surprise, since we (from my perspective!) did an excellent job coordinating Mattie's care. We have shared a lot of pain together as a couple but we also share a history of friendship. It is that history that we pull from in times of crisis and pain. We are fortunate to have such resources because our pain outweighs what most couples have to face in a lifetime.

Before my parent's friends came over tonight, we snapped some pictures of the evening to capture the moment. Though I haven't reported this on the blog, Peter began a diet over a month ago. Some of you may be able to see the wonderful progress he has made in this picture. The stress of Mattie's illness and death has been not only emotionally complex, but physically taxing for us. However, I admire Peter's commitment and dedication to regain his health.

Peter snapped this picture of my mom and I. Prior to this, we had worked for several hours to prepare for the party. We were sitting, catching our breaths, before the guests arrived.

My mom took this picture of Peter and I. Notice the metal duck and her duckling sitting next to me. These ducks remind me of Mattie and I. In fact, I recall the first time Mattie saw these ducks, he literally walked up to the mother duck and sat on her back. So though Peter and I were sitting by the fireplace without Mattie with us, he was with me in spirit as I sat next to "Mother Duck" tonight.

Christmas is a very challenging holiday for us. As I look at holiday photos friends are sending me, many of which include pictures of their children in them, Peter and I can't help but feel out of place and very confused. On one hand we are happy for our friends, and love seeing their children grow, and yet on the other hand, this seems like a reminder to us that Mattie is gone and we will never see this growth and development in him or in ourselves as parents. It is very hard not to harbor bitter and angry feelings, and then of course intense guilt for having these feelings toward others. In many ways visiting my parents for the holidays was a very wise decision. We are all feeling the same way, and when I lash out with my feelings they understand where they are coming from. I serve no purpose right now to my friends when I feel the way that I currently do. In fact, I find that my own toxic feelings, if not kept in check, could most definitely harm a friendship.

December 24, 2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008. Mattie was home and sitting on the hospital bed that was temporarily set up in our living room while he was recovering from his second limb salvaging surgery. As you can see Mattie had a very festive wreath around his neck. This creative wreath was made by his art teacher, Debbie, and many of Mattie's classmates wrote messages or drew pictures to him on the leaves of the wreath. This wreath was hung on the inside of our front door in 2008, and there it remains.

Quote of the day: For I know the plans I have for you; plans to comfort you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

We woke up to sunshine today, so we decided to take a day trip to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara is located about 90 miles from Los Angeles, along the Pacific coast. This stretch of coast along southern Santa Barbara County is often referred to as the "American Riviera" because of its geography and similar climate to that of the French and Italian Rivieras. The drive to Santa Barbara was lovely and we passed many farms along the way. Somehow I do not recall these sights on previous trips. While Peter was driving, I couldn't get over that right along the freeway, pumpkins were growing. I took this picture quickly since the sight was flying passed me at 70mph, but this was definitely an unexpected surprise.

We had lunch at the Biltmore Hotel, which is a historic property in Santa Barbara. I remember visiting this hotel when I was in high school. At that time my maternal grandmother was alive and she traveled with us. It is funny how visiting a place can bring back certain memories to you. The hotel's restaurant overlooks the ocean, which was a sight to see, and the patio doors of the restaurant were open, and sparrows were flying all around us. Peter and I are bird fans, so to us we felt like we were in and amongst nature. Initially as you can see the sun was out, but by the time lunch was over, so was the sun.

Peter snapped a picture of my mom and I on the grounds of the hotel with the pacific ocean in the background. Seeing the ocean and being by it are very therapeutic, not to mention seeing grass and trees! We spent the rest of the day walking through old town Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara has changed a great deal since I last visited it. State Street was charming, vibrant, and filled with people. My mom and I walked for over an hour and explored various stores and sights.

While in Santa Barbara, I received an email from Ann with pictures of Mattie's oak tree. Notice the colorful butterfly hanging from Mattie's tree! This is a new addition to the tree as of TODAY! Thanks to Erica (a fellow preschool mom) and Ann, my mission has been accomplished. I felt terrible leaving on Tuesday without having placed an ornament on Mattie's tree. I wanted Mattie to know that Peter and I are thinking of him on Christmas and everyday. I was deeply touched to get this picture today because we are only a few days away from Christmas, yet Erica found the time to meet up with Ann to give her this ornament, and Ann found a way to get to Mattie's school and place it on his tree. To me these two women gave me a wonderful Christmas gift, and I am not sure they even know it. To me this is what Christmas is about. It is about connections, friendship, and acts of kindness. As you can see in the picture, there are various items hanging from Mattie's tree. One looks like an acorn. This acorn is actually a bird house my in-laws gave us for our wedding anniversary in July. The other item in blue is an origami crane that my friend Junko and her mom made for Mattie's tree gathering event (which was held on Mattie's one year anniversary of his death). As you can see these items are doing beautifully on the tree and I am so happy that this colorful butterfly has now found a home on Mattie's tree. The butterfly has become such an important symbol of Mattie to me, and based on his love for bugs, I can't think of a more appropriate Christmas ornament to remember such a cutie.

On our drive home I snapped several more pictures of Christmas lights. This particular house caught my attention because every part of it seemed to be glowing!
This picture doesn't seem to do this display justice. But basically there is a mechanical Santa on a sleigh and he is trying to land his reindeer on this front lawn. The lawn has red and green flashing lights on it, set up to look like a run way landing strip. It is absolutely adorable and very whimsical.
I would like to end tonight's posting with a large picture of Santa. This fellow caught my attention and I have a feeling Mattie would have absolutely loved him! So in honor of Mattie, I post this Christmas display!

December 23, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008. Mattie was in the Hospital again and despite his surroundings, we tried very hard to make it feel like Christmas for him. Linda (Mattie's Childlife Specialist) gave Mattie Christmas lights, and they were taped all over his room. In fact, at night time, we would turn all the overhead lights off, and the room was aglow with Christmas lights. As always, Mattie's room was the place to "hang out" and we had lots of visitors (both HEM/ONC and PICU nurses) who would come by and chat and play with Mattie. These nurses will always have a special place in my heart. In this picture, you can see a more whimsical side of Mattie. Someone from Team Mattie brought him Christmas stockings, and instead of hanging them up, he decided to wear them! In his hand was one of his favorite items, a Dunkin Donut's frosted donut, and attached to his wheelchair was the magnetic Santa Alison gave him. Over the course of Mattie's illness, more and more things were attached to his wheelchair. I am not sure the statement Mattie was trying to make, other than I know he appreciated the gifts and they made him feel connected to the outside world.

Quote of the day: Cancer is not God's will. The death of a child is not God's will. Death from automobile accidents are not God's will. The only God worth believing in does not cause the tragedies but lovingly comes into the anguish with us. ~ Madeline L'Engle

We both woke up early this morning since we are still on East Coast time. At 6am, it was still dark out and it was pouring. However, Peter was determined to exercise while away from work, and seeing him in rain pants, a rain jacket, and all bundled up for terrible weather was a sight to see! I have to admire his commitment, because honestly just looking outside the window was uninspiring to get out of bed.

While Peter was out walking, I tried to put some decorations together that my mom had out. However, none of us are really into the spirit of decorating. I have a feeling if my parents weren't having friends over during the holidays even this much wouldn't have been done. It rained today in a way that is almost indescribable. The intensity was terrible and though our intention was to go to the movies, we never got there. Instead we watched movies at home together. We watched a movie today from the 1940s called Good News. It was light, airy, and captured the innocence of a different era. I have found that with Mattie's illness and death, I can only handle watching certain things. I really can't watch and hear about traumas, illnesses, or anything involving violence. Which if you think about most modern TV and movies, this truly limits what I can see. Fortunately I have always been an old movie fan and can turn to these wonderful diversions for stimulating stories, entertainment, and inspiration.

In the midst of a really rotten weather day, I exchanged some very meaningful e-mails with a mom from Mattie's preschool. The irony is I never met Erica, yet she was part of Team Mattie and continues to read the blog. Erica sent me a picture of this beautiful butterfly ornament on her Christmas tree. She wanted me to know that the butterfly is on her tree as a symbol of remembrance of her aunt and Mattie. I was deeply touched by this, especially since she did not know Mattie. Erica has come to understand Mattie through our blog. Through our email exchanges today, I asked her where she got this butterfly ornament, because I have been looking for one to go on Mattie's tree for the holidays. In fact, before I left for California, my goal was to put an ornament on Mattie's tree, as a symbol of our love and remembrance of him at Christmas. However, I never found the ornament I was looking for and while at the airport yesterday I was upset with myself because I was leaving without hanging this gift for Mattie on his oak tree (at his school). So yesterday, I e-mailed Ann and told her about my feelings, and she responded back right away with her willingness to help me accomplish this. Which leads me back to Erica. Erica actually has another butterfly ornament that she wants to give to me. I was thrilled to hear this because what Erica did not know was she was helping me accomplish what I really wanted to do before I left. Erica is coordinating a time with Ann to drop off the butterfly ornament. I am telling you this story because to me all of this was an unexpected gift. I did not expect others to understand my desire to remember Mattie in this way, much less find friends to help me execute my desire. There are so many lessons I have learned in Mattie's death, and one thing that continues to take my breath away is the kindness and generosity of those around me.

Later this afternoon we finally mobilized and got out. Peter snapped this picture since it was the first sign of a blue sky we saw today. It was short lived, but we captured it. As we drive around, it is clear that Christmas is all around us. Yet for us it is bittersweet. I see my parents too are struggling with making sense of Mattie's death, and really none of us get why he had to suffer so much and die. It is a profound loss to our family, and despite the fact that the four of us are together, we all are very aware of the vibrant piece missing from this family equation. I recently heard an analogy which was, losing someone you love is like being left behind and forced to live without a vital organ. Most definitely!

This evening as we were driving home, I snapped some pictures of lights in my parent's neighborhood. Some of my readers may remember in October when I was visiting my parents, I took a picture of a house near them which had hundreds of jack-o-lanterns in the front window of the house. Well low and behold, this house is now decorated for Christmas with hundreds of Santa's in the window. My picture doesn't do it justice, but believe me it captures your attention from the street!
My parents live in the hills of Burbank, and one community near them was once known as "Starlight." Most likely because the houses are in the hills, giving you a feeling of being close to the stars in the sky. Any case, though the community is no longer known as Starlight, they continue to decorate their front yards at Christmas time with huge STARS. It is an amazing site to see, one star after another. As I pass these sights, all I can think of is Mattie's reaction. He would have loved to see the lights and we would have loved to watch him seeing the lights. His joy, happiness, laughter, and smiles were my joy, happiness, laughter, and smiles. Without Mattie around things seem a little less bright, clear, and worthwhile.

Peter took this picture most likely because of the reindeer. Mattie loved mechanical reindeer that lit up, we had several of them, and Mattie always loved watching them from his bedroom window. Mattie's window faced the light show that Peter and he would formulate each year!

I would like to end tonight's posting with a wonderful poem my friend Charlie sent to me today. She captured the feelings we are struggling with this Christmas, and most likely every holiday yet to come.

Holiday Time by Charlie Brown

Of all the special times of the year
Christmas is when we hope to hear
That those we love and hold most dear
Will come and celebrate from far and near.
But what do you do when the one you love
Has gone ahead to heaven above?
When the absence of one is such a void
That the holidays are something you want to avoid.
Then what do you do at this special time
When there no long seems to be reason or rhyme
Or a way to celebrate this special day
When all the joy has gone away?
Christmas is about giving and joy
And the love one has for a little boy
When hope is gone and he is no more
It's hard to pick your heart up from the floor
For those of you who've walked with me
And seen how difficult loss can be
I hope you take the time to say
How much "I love you" everyday
For life is fragile and we never know
When fate will extinguish that lovely glow
So treasure your loved ones while you may
But for those who've lost them, remember to pray.

December 22, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 -- Mattie died 67 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008, Mattie's last Christmas with us. Of course at the time, I had no idea this was going to be our last Christmas together. Perhaps not knowing was a good thing. That particular night, we took Mattie to Zoo Lights, at the National Zoo in Washington, DC. This is a special event in which the Zoo is opened at night with magical light displays. Mattie was joined by his cousins: Nat, Sydney, and Will, and some of his preschool friends: Kate, Eric, John, and Christopher on this adventure! The one thing I recall about Christmas 2008, was it was VERY hard for Mattie. He was in a great deal of pain, he was upset because he was different from the other kids, and emotionally he was very down and angry. This of course translated down to Peter and I, and it took great strength to keep it together during that time. So unfortunately our last Christmas together was memorable, but NOT in a positive way at all.  

Quote of the day: Thank you for letting me talk and letting me cry. Thank you for cheerful hello's and tearful goodbye's. Thank you for asking questions and saying her name. Thank you for not understanding but sharing my pain. ~ Jacqueline Savageau

Peter and I made it safely to Los Angeles, but what a flight we had. As many of my readers know, flying is not my favorite mode of transportation. The plane left Washington, DC about 45 minutes late. Why? Because each time the plane left the gate, it was sent right back! At least twice!!! I never experienced this before. Our flight was overbooked and literally the plane was taxing away from the gate when the rest of us observed a man still standing in the aisle. This man did not have a seat, yet no one noticed this until we were away from the gate! So naturally once the flight attendants realized what was happening, the plane was sent right back to the gate to drop off the man who did not have a seat. The door closed again and the plane taxied away. While we were moving, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a woman behind us jump up and grab her luggage in the overhead compartment. She then ran up toward the front of the plane and guess what? She wanted to get off the plane because she realized her boyfriend wasn't on it. He was the person asked to get off the plane. So yet again, the plane was sent right back to the gate for a second time. By this point, all of us were laughing, because this was like a comedy show! Eventually we took off and contended with a lot of turbulence. Between being confined in such a small space for almost 6 hours and dealing with all that motion, I am thoroughly worn out tonight. Also I think poor Peter is finally getting feeling back in his hand now, after I had a death grip on it for hours!
Needless to say, we are here safely, but only after a very wild roller coaster ride as we landed. Los Angeles has been inundated with rain for over a week now and we landed through some very thick and ominous clouds.
On Monday night, Peter was very up and very energized over the lunar eclipse. He took some amazing pictures and at 3am he woke me up so I could see this once in a lifetime sight. The moon before my eyes was a brilliant red! I thought I was looking at a red planet and NOT the moon! In a way I couldn't help but think of Mattie when I saw this incredible sight. The moon was reflecting his color. It was a true Mattie Moon!

Peter took many pictures last night, and I am sharing three of them with you. These three photos show you the progression of the eclipse that Peter saw last night.

Isn't this an incredible sight?!

I would like to end tonight's posting with a very touching message we received from Mattie's oncologist and our friend, Kristen. Kristen captured the essence of Mattie's spirit in last night's moon beautifully. Kristen wrote, "I've been thinking of you a lot lately because of the Holidays and in the last day or so because of the Lunar Eclipse. I can't help but think of Mattie's Moon. Today is the Winter Solstice and the shortest day (or darkest day) of the year. I heard the last time a full moon was totally eclipsed on the Winter Solstice was in 1554 but read on your blog the last Winter Solstice was 1638. Either way...quite a long time ago. I can't help but believe Mattie is talking to you from heaven saying "Even on the darkest day of the year, even when you can not see me behind the shadows, I am here..."

December 20, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2002, Mattie was 8 months old. This was a classic Mattie look when he was consuming a bottle. His eyes would zone out, glaze over, and he would be in absolute peace. It was an expression that stays with me even today, because besides calm and peace, to me Mattie's eyes were showing true love.

Quote of the day: Our grief always brings a gift. It's the gift of greater sensitivity and compassion for others. We learn to rise above our own grief by reaching out and lessening the grief of others. ~ Robert Schuller

Tonight's quote resonates with me because of an email exchange I had today with Karen. As many of my readers know, Karen (not the same Karen who is my lifetime friend) is Keaton's mom, and Keaton lost his battle with Osteosarcoma this year. Karen and I write to each other periodically, but when I read her most recent comment on our blog yesterday, I felt compelled to reach out to her. As I told her, she has a way of writing to me at the most needed of times. At times when I feel quite alone, misunderstood, and worse when I feel like it is hard to continue on. When she responded to the email I sent her today, I wasn't expecting to hear mutual feelings in return. Karen is in Arkansas and I am in Washington, DC. We never met each other, ever! Yet despite this lack of knowledge and history with each other, we are operating and living in parallel worlds. Sometimes when I read Karen's postings on her son's website, I find that my head it nodding up and down in complete agreement with what she is expressing. Not all mom's experience grief in a similar way, or even express it in a similar fashion. Yet Karen and I understand each other, and it is in such moments when someone truly understands and feels what you feel that a deep gift is given and received.

My day began by having to catch Patches (our cat), cage her, and then transport her to our vet for boarding. Patches is a very sensitive and anxious cat, anything from her normal routine is very upsetting to her. I always feel terrible having to put her in her cage and then feel a sense of guilt as I drop her off for boarding. Fortunately though this vet understands Patches and her whole staff LOVES Patches. In fact, as soon as I enter with Patches in hand, everyone makes a big fuss over her. The staff was disappointed today to learn that she will only be there for a week. Remember they are used to having Patches for months on end when Mattie was in treatment.

I went today for a manicure and pedicure. Sometimes I find that relaxing. I brought a book with me, with every intention of reading and not engaging in conversation. But that did not happen. The young lady doing my nails began talking with me, and needless to say we talked the entire time. I learned that she is studying to be a physician's assistant at Georgetown University. That is all I needed to hear, because I had a lot to say on that subject. We talked about careers, family, pets, and of course Mattie. What I find ironic about myself is part of me wants to shut off the outside world and keep to myself, and the other part of me won't. I enjoy learning about other people, how they live their lives, hearing about their observations, thoughts, and feelings.

I spent the rest of a day in a funk however, and my lack of sleep isn't helping how I am feeling emotionally. Though we are boarding a plane tomorrow afternoon, Peter has big plans for tonight. He will be up and watching the Lunar Eclipse. He promises to take pictures, and I find it amazing how the moon will be turning an orange/red color. Seems like a true sign that "Mattie Moon" is out there and exists. Red was Mattie's favorite color, and if the moon is going to turn a color, red seems like the appropriate choice. I have a feeling watching this eclipse will be bittersweet for Peter since this is something he most likely wanted to do with Mattie. They both had this fascination with weather, the moon, and the stars. For those of you who want more information on the eclipse, I included it below.

Tonight I sign off from Washington, DC and will be writing to you from Los Angeles tomorrow. As always, it means a great deal to Peter and I that you continue reading, that you stay connected, and that you care about the future of the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation.

Tonight's Lunar Eclipse

If the sky is clear, experts say the show might be extra spectacular, as the moon will have a reddish glow.
A lunar eclipse takes place when the sun, Earth and moon are all perfectly aligned with the Earth in the middle. When the moon passes behind the Earth, the sun's rays are blocked from striking the moon. This can only occur when the moon is full.  As the moon moves deeper into Earth's shadow, indirect sunlight passes through Earth's atmosphere, casting an orange and red hue over the moon.

Tonight’s Lunar Eclipse for December 20, 2010 makes history as the first Winter Solstice Eclipse in 456 years. In fact, tonight’s total lunar eclipse is so significant that NASA admits that researchers aren’t sure when the next solstice eclipse will happen. To understand the significance of tonight’s event, NASA this week revealed to news how this spectacular differs from other eclipses this year and next year.

First, tonight’s eclipse is a total lunar eclipse. The last total lunar eclipse was two years ago on February 20, 2008. If you miss tonight, you are in luck. Two total lunar eclipse will light up the sky early next year on June 15, 2011 and later on December 10, 2011.

Second, tonight’s spectacular is the second eclipse this year. A partial lunar eclipse lit up the sky on June 26. Another partial can be seen in just days from now on June 4, 2011.

Third, this is the first Winter Solstice lunar eclipse since 1638. When will be the next one? NASA doesn’t even know the answer. “This solstice eclipse is the first in 456 years, although so far it appears that no one has figured out when the next solstice eclipse will be.”

So when is the start time? Unlike other spectaculars in the sky this year, tonight’s total lunar eclipse will reach different peak times on the west coast compared to the east coast, says NASA to news. The east coast won’t be able to see the totality commencing until after midnight. But on the west coast, the totality will begin before midnight. Outside of North America, it will appear as a partial, not total, lunar eclipse, says NASA to news.

Start time will be Tuesday December 21st at 1:33 am EST on the east coast; west coast residents will see tonight’s total lunar eclipse commence on Monday, Dec. 20th, at 10:33 pm PST. This time refers to when the eclipse will begin (partially).

“Totality”, which refers to the total lunar eclipse, will be achieved at 02:41 am EST on the east coast, and 11:41 pm PST on the west coast. Totality will last 72 minutes, says NASA to news.
And when is the best time to see tonight’s event? NASA reveals they know the exact peak time for tonight’s total lunar eclipse. It will be at 03:17 am EST or 17 minutes past midnight PST.

December 19, 2010

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. Mattie was a year and a half old and was sitting in my parents backyard. We had just finished picking their orange and grapefruit trees, and Mattie was having a great time with sorting, counting, and examining the fruit. The idea of picking fruit right off of a tree was intriguing to Mattie and it was at that point I began to refer to him as my "farmer Brown!"

Quote of the day: Absent in body, but present in spirit. ~ Corinthians 1:3

I began the day in a bad mood and unfortunately it did not improve as the day went on. I do think lack of sleep isn't helping my state of affairs either. Peter is a wise man, and during these moods, he knows that staying home and being couped up isn't going to improve my situation. So out we went today. Along the way, we went shoe shopping, which typically can perk me up. But despite doing that, I was still in a terrible funk. As I sat quietly in the car, suggesting that we go home, Peter decided that most likely wouldn't be a good idea. So instead he took me out to lunch. At lunch, Peter looked at me and told me just how exhausted I looked and that he was worried about me. I think I handle grief in waves. With the holidays fast approaching, I am being hit by a full blown grief tidal wave. When you are trying to stay afloat it is sometimes difficult to talk and reach out to others, which is where I am currently at.

Peter and I chatted about a lot of things over lunch and we are getting ready to leave for our trip to Los Angeles on Tuesday. We decided to spend the holidays with my parents. It makes no sense for us to spend it apart, especially since we are all feeling the same way about Christmas and New Year's. Peter will be in California for a week, and I will stay there two weeks. In order to get ready for this trip, there are many things we have to do, such as assuring that Patches is going to be well taken care of and in good hands. In addition, over the past two days I have been working on uploading pictures to the blog as well as quotes, so that I do not have to worry about doing this component of my blogging while away. So on Tuesday, you will be hearing from me in California. It is my hope that being away helps my sleeping and my intense migraines.

I realize tonight is not a typical blog posting. But based on how I am feeling with utter exhaustion, it is my hope that my readers understand.