Wednesday, February 25, 2026

Wednesday, February 25, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2003. Mattie was ten months old and was invited to a birthday tea party that day. The children were asked to get dressed up, as if they were going for high tea. So Mattie was wearing a cute shirt and a blue cardigan. Naturally he had no idea why he was getting dressed up, but he was a good sport and put up with the request. I snapped this photo before we headed to the party. When I look at this photo now, it is truly impossible to believe that all I have left of Mattie are photos! 

Quote of the day: A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work. ~  John Lubbock

It was another 5:30am rising today! I have a running joke in my head as every neighbor of mine goes to bed early. I typically am the last one up on the street, based on house lights. Yet many times I am also the first one on the block who is awake. It speaks to the chronic exhaustion I have, as I operate on very little sleep. Trying to herd my parents out the door at 9:20am today for a doctor's appointment, was almost impossible! 

We see my parent's rehabilitation physician every three months. Like all of my parent's doctors, this doctor today is also very aware of how much I balance. However, these doctors don't know the whole story. They don't know about the loss of Mattie and they most definitely do not know about my separation and divorce. Instead, they assume that I have a spouse at home helping me! Managing the full-time care of parents is hard, but add to it a divorce and it is truly a diabolical combination. Any case the doctor wanted to know how I was doing today. I commented to him that I am dealing with a painful flair up of costochondritis (inflammation of the cartilage connecting the ribs to the breastbone). It never dawned on me but while talking to him, we concluded that my flair up is from trying to lift my dad up out of chairs and bed. I am not sure why I did not put two and two together, but when the doctor saw my dad's physical decline, he quickly assessed that I must be helping him! 

Honestly there are some days when I say to myself..... how much more of this can I do? This is a heavy question, because if I am not caregiving, that will mean that my parents are no longer alive. Then what? Then I am alone and the reality of being divorced and emotionally hurt will become a 24/7 nightmare. Since I couldn't sit too long with these feelings today.... outside I went. I spent an hour picking up downed branches and limbs in the yard from the horrible winter. I have a ton of work ahead of me this spring, but I had to start somewhere.  

Tuesday, February 24, 2026

Tuesday, February 24, 2026 -- Mattie died 834 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2008. That day Mattie worked hard on creating this prop plane out of tinker toys! As you can see, he was very proud of his creation. All I can say was life was never boring with Mattie Brown! 

Quote of the day: You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. ~ CS Lewis

So if you have been following along on the blog, then you know I had countless fire trucks here on Sunday night during a snow storm and then last night, I saw flashing lights again! I naturally panicked. I thought the fire in the neighboring street reignited. I am not sure what I find more stunning..... that no one else on my street was aware of these flashing lights, or that if they were aware of these lights they were not interested in getting involved!

Last night, I was in my pajamas, but I put my boots and coat on and literally walked up the block to find out exactly what was going on! When I got there I interacted with two neighbors... a man who was walking his dog and the actual person who called the paramedics. Turns out someone fell outside on black ice and she broke her leg. But you want to know what? The woman who called 911 was thrilled to talk to me and was so happy someone took an interest and wanted to help! So now I have met a new neighbor who I never knew before! Perhaps it is just me, but if I see a problem, I want to know what the problem is and I want to know if I can be of assistance. 

This morning, I got up at 5:30am. I will need to do this for the next several days, because of back to back doctor appointments. Today my dad was scheduled to see the cardiology nurse who is working hard at stabilizing his heart condition. She is an absolute love, knowledgeable and professional. While waiting for her, the room had a computer screen that flashed tonight's CS Lewis quote. Somehow reading it made me smile, mainly because I consider the best years of my life are over. 

The nurse was very pleased with my dad's progress. But then she spent about 15 minutes chatting with us about personal things. I learned that her husband is in the Coast Guard and as such she has been stationed all over the place. Her son is living in Brooklyn and she is originally from North Carolina. That is where she would like to go to retire and she and her husband are talking about their next chapter together. I am not sure what happened in my mind, but the notion of North Carolina and retirement flipped a switch. Some times in my mind, I still think I am married. I know.... crazy as that sounds. Legally I am not married, but morally I am through the Catholic Church. When someone is in your life for 35 years, it is the natural thing to think of them and turn to them with thoughts, feelings, and memories. I can't tell you how many times we visited the beaches of North Carolina together and I always imagined that in retirement we would travel to different place and have adventures together. Not having my other half has robbed my future and instead has only left a complete blank, a hole, and emptiness ahead. I feel lost and the grief from this loss is indescribable. Any case, the nurse's dialogue today sent me for a tailspin. You wouldn't know if by looking at me, as I hold all my angst inside.

Later today, I had to interface with PayPal. The Foundation has a PayPal account, however, the account was not associated with my email address and cell phone number. Therefore I couldn't access it! Despite my best attempts, there was nothing I could do to access this account. PayPal sent me instructions for what I needed to do, which meant writing a formal letter and submitting copies of my social security number and my driver's license. I wasn't THRILLED having to do it, but considering it was for the Foundation I did it! PayPal said they would contact me in a week to ten days after receiving the mailing. They didn't so I called customer service today! When I tell you I was screaming for an hour, I am NOT KIDDING. Though I wrote a formal letter, they would not change the email and phone number associated with the account. Instead, they kept saying that I needed the code sent to a phone number I did not have access to. Honestly it was mind numbing. After an hour of screaming, after mailing countless documents to them, at the end of the day, I shut down the Foundation's account and then created a whole new PayPal account today. A thorough waste of time, which could have been averted if they knew their own system and policy!  

Monday, February 23, 2026

Monday, February 23, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2003. Mattie was almost a year old and that day he received a toy that was like a drum. However, it played music, did a light show, and allowed Mattie to beat along with the music. As you can see from this photo..... Mattie was down right fascinated with this toy!

Quote of the day: Don't be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything. ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafón

Last night, as it was snowing, I happened to look out my window. Up the block, I could see red flashing lights. I thought it was an ambulance. So I immediately contacted my neighbor to see if something was going on, or if she or her husband were ill. Fortunately she was fine, but as she walked downstairs and looked out her window, she told me she saw a fire truck. Literally a firefighter was using our hydrant and was running the long hose through our street, over a fence onto the neighboring street. Why? Because there was a huge house fire!

As I continued to pan around our house, I then saw this through my windows!!! Do you see all the red??? The whole street behind us was lined with fire trucks. I am talking BIG trucks with ladders that went flying up into the air! I immediately alerted all the neighbors around me and some tried to walk over to the next neighborhood to determine whether this was contained or whether we were in danger as well. I feel like I have become the safety officer for my street. Neighbors know that I report everything.... people coming onto properties who shouldn't be there and all other issues that arise! Given my heightened state of existence, I find neighbors understand where I am coming from, and certainly fire makes anyone uneasy. 

My heart goes out to the owners of the house on fire and of course the water damage it sustained from trying to put out the blaze. I am grateful all the homeowners and the dog were rescued and are safe, but imagine your belongings, your memories, and things you hold dear up in flames? I honestly can't even wrap my head around this, and if we had to evacuate, I truly would be beside myself with two 90-year-olds in tow and not having the help of my other half. Nothing puts your life into focus faster than a crisis. Frankly I am sick of living in crisis. 

Sunday, February 22, 2025

Sunday, February 22, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. Mattie was home between cancer treatments and eating a food of choice.... a donut with vanilla frosting! Mattie loved water play and since he was unable to go into a bathtub with his broviac catheter, I brought the water to him in a big pot. Just like in the bathtub, Mattie threw many of toy cars and things into the pot and the play schemes just unfolded from there! Just loved that smile.

Quote of the day: The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others. ~ Albert Schweitzer

Over the course of this last week, practically all of our snow from January's storm had melted. It was a wonderful sight to see grass again. But by the end of the day today.... we got hit with another storm and as you can see we are back to everything being white again. What a horrible winter.

Typically we go out for brunch on Sundays. I had to determine whether this was going to be a safe trip today given the pending storm. But I tracked the storm and figured that the snow wasn't going to be sticking until 5pm or later. So we went out earlier today, in order to be back home by 4pm. By the time we left the restaurant however it was sleeting. One of the managers helped me. He held onto my mom and used his umbrella to escort her to my car and I managed my dad. I did not ask him to do this, he just did this on his own accord. To me this speaks volumes about his character. I am so used to doing everything on my own now, that when someone shows me an act of kindness, it makes me pause and feel thankful. 

The notion of shoveling snow is sickening but we have two doctor appointments tomorrow. One of which is my appointment, to get follow up help regarding my never ending sinus infection. I will have to scramble tomorrow morning to figure out whether it is safe to drive and have my parents walk around outside. 

Saturday, February 21, 2026

Saturday, February 21, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. I know exactly what happened here! Why? Because I see the cupcake! What the cupcake means was that Mattie completed a physical therapy session and therefore he earned a cupcake. I honestly would bake dozens of cupcakes and bring them to the hospital to use as an incentive system. Mattie went through various food phases and at that point it was the cupcake phase. Chemotherapy greatly impacted Mattie's ability to eat, so whenever he requested a certain food, we jumped at the chance to get it for him. We went through the potato chip phase, the vanilla shake phase, the chicken nugget phase, the donut phase, and the cupcake phase!

Quote of the day: The best way out is always through. ~ Robert Frost

My life is VERY structured. I try to carry that structure over to Saturdays and Sundays. Weekends have always been an emotional nightmare for me since Mattie died. Unfortunately I can't say that feeling has ever gotten better over time, and in fact I think it has gotten more intense with caregiving for my parents. During the week, my dad has appointments and his memory care program. It gets us out of the house and interacting with people. But the weekends are different, which is why I take my parents out to lunch each day. 

Each Saturday, we go to our local diner. So this afternoon, after my dad's physical therapy session, I loaded everyone into the car and drove to the diner. As always, I park in the fire lane, and help each of my parents out of the car one at a time. I help them inside and get them chairs to sit down on until a table opens up for us. Today, I got them both inside, and then I went back outside to the fire lane and it was at that point I heard an explosion. I honestly thought a bomb went off. I couldn't tell where it was coming from, but since I did not see panic around me, I figured it wasn't an imminent danger. Any case, I parked the car and then went back inside the diner. As I entered the diner, I could see the diner was without electricity. It got so quiet inside, it felt like I was entering a library or a church, mainly because the darkness impacted every person eating. 

I began asking around as to what happened, and I was told a transformer blew and the whole street is without power. The manager came over to me and told me there is no way they will be able to serve food given the current condition, so I literally had to get my parents up, back in the car, and come up with plan B. Of course my dad was thoroughly confused and I was scrambling to figure out where to take them, as I just can't go anywhere with them. The environment has to be very accessible for my parents and the menu has to meet both of their needs. If you have never had to assist an older adult with all sorts of needs, then it is hard for me to describe the complexity of moving them from one place to another. But trust me, it is a lot to juggle alone. 

As we were driving to another local restaurant, we passed a car on the road which crashed into the pole with the transformer. We are very lucky that this issue is far enough away from our neighborhood not to affect us. Any case, going to the other restaurant worked out. My mom actually liked the change and there is a server at this restaurant who I just love.... she is getting her college degree in English Literature and she is just a bright, friendly, and lovely woman. When she saw me, she commented that she hasn't seen us in a long time. It is true. I stopped going to this restaurant because my dad refused to eat a lot of the food! I have to say that my divorce has done a number on me as a person, but what today reminded me of was that no matter where I go, I try to make connections with everyone I meet. I remember them and they remember me! I make these connections not because I have a motive, but because I am truly interested in people, their lives, and I appreciate anyone who takes good care of my parents. 

Friday, February 20, 2026

Friday, February 20, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. Mattie was home between hospital treatments and that afternoon we worked on building a volcano from a kit. Mattie loved these kinds of hands-on activities. I honestly never did this kind of stuff as a kid, so in many ways, it was like having a second childhood with Mattie. Mattie had a level of energy that was contagious, even while battling cancer. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not miss that smile, laughter, and his love for learning and life. 

Quote of the day: The best way to handle a heartbreak of any kind was to move through it, rather than around it. ~ Belle Burden

A friend of mine recently sent me this book in the mail. She heard the author on a podcast and felt that I had to read this story! Typically I have to admit, I do not enjoy reading about other people's stories, because the natural instinct when going through a hard time is to compare your own story to what you are reading. 

So when I picked up this book, I went into it with skepticism. But Belle captured me in her first chapter. Yes our stories are quite different, and honestly if you are a blog reader, then you know that my life is filled with constant grief and trauma (not just a divorce), but I found that there were aspects of what Belle was writing about that resonated greatly with me. 

I rarely get time to read a book with full-time caregiving, so I decided that when I take my mom out for tea, while she is pecking away at her cell phone, I read this book. While reading today's chapter, Belle was talking about heartbreak and how she "moved" through it rather than around it. I couldn't agree more with what she is saying. I learned this early on with Mattie's diagnosis, death, my grief journey and now my painful divorce. The only way to manage such intense pain, loss, and trauma is to move! Belle talks about her walking routine, going to the grocery store on a certain day of the week, and even drinking tea and doing a puzzle at the same table and chair each night. The point is ROUTINE, STRUCTURE, and if I were to add my own word... DIVERSIONS. There is NO WAY you can survive great heartbreak without diversions and structure. Your brain and body must have breaks from the flooding of emotions, feelings, and turmoil. 

When Mattie died, I developed panic attacks for the first time in my life. At first I had no idea what they were, as I thought I was having a heart attack. After several cardiology visits and testing, we ruled out a heart issue. I then deduced I had panic attacks and instead of turning outwards for help (not my style), I turned inward. I was compelled to find a way to manage this anxiety and what I did was I developed a walking routine. I would walk ten miles a day, while walking I was talking internally to myself..... nothing is wrong with your heart, the symptoms will go away, take a deep breath, and keep walking. All I can say is after two months of walking, the panic attacks subsided. Do I still get them? Yes, they began again in 2023, with my separation. But this time I knew what they were and now I do not have the luxury to walk, so fortunately I have the mental fortitude to manage my own internal dialogue to calm myself down. 

Though I haven't finished Belle's book, I find one thing is for certain, which she describes so well, and that is..... when you love someone deeply and that person leaves, it produces a whole host of personal devastation. It impacts how you feel about yourself, it makes you question whether anything you had was ever real, and it makes you feel like your life is over. Not that I needed to read this book to know this reality, but what caught my attention and what I do appreciate is....here is a bright, well educated lawyer, who faced this emotional nightmare..... she did not see it coming either, and this most definitely was something I needed to hear! I AM NOT ALONE!

Thursday, February 19, 2026

Thursday, February 19, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. I snapped a photo of Mattie outside his hospital room door. It was not unusual for me to decorate Mattie's room while he was hospitalized. In fact, I traveled with a bin of decorations, so that we displayed different creations at every admission. Since we practically lived in the hospital, these colorful things brightened up the hospital space. Mattie painted these wonderful creations, so naturally I posted them to the door that day. As Mattie's cancer treatment wore on, his artistic creations enabled his care team to have something to converse with him about, before jumping into a medical exam. So though these were visually appealing they also served a psychosocial purpose! 

Quote of the day: We do not realize the extent of the energy we are losing until we find where it is seeping from. ~ Elliot Page

As of today, I have been feeling unwell for a good three weeks. I have interacted with a doctor, a physician assistant, and was prescribed antibiotics and over the counter medications. This morning, I felt like I was struggling. I am very tired, and need to rest to recuperate. But in my house, rest is not possible, because I run the schedule and everything within the house. My dad had a physical therapy session today and I had to get it together. In fact, next week, I have early mornings each day because there is one doctor appointment after the other and the stress of herding my parents out of the house in the morning is sickening. 

So at some point, I had a meltdown today and contacted my doctor's office. No one can see me tomorrow, so I am seeing my doctor on Monday instead. Mind you I have a thirty minute window for Monday's appointment because after that, I have to take my mom to her bone density appointment. So my mom will be in tow with me for my own appointment. Why? Because my mom is not capable to find her way to her doctor's office, even though it is in the same building as my appointment. Therefore, she has to remain with me. 

It was rainy and depressing day today, but despite the weather and how I was feeling, I took my parents out for lunch. Just getting each one of them in the car and inside the restaurant is a show. I now can't manage them together, so I manage one by one which means a ton of running back and forth to the car for me. Seriously every place we go..... people know me! You would be amazed at what people observe and absorb! The joke at today's restaurant is..... do I have wings? They always turn me around to look on my back for angel wings, and every time, I laugh! All I can hope is that the angels are watching out for me, because I am tired of this sinus infection, drowning in fluid, head pressure and now a foul smokey smell in my nasal passages. Managing this on top of caregiving and everything else is wearing.  

Wednesday, February 18, 2026

Wednesday, February 18, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. This was what a typical physical therapy session looked like for Mattie. He had an entourage! Behind him were his art therapists, his social worker, and a physical therapy intern! Literally it took all of our energy to motivate Mattie to try to walk and take a few steps. Mattie was weak and very scared that he was going to fall and further injure himself. The emotional support of the team is something that remains in my mind and heart always. Amazing women!

Quote of the day: And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore. ~ Anne Lamott

If you have been following along, then you know I have been feeling sick since the last week in January. I am still struggling, and I am wondering if these sinus infection symptoms will ever disappear! Of course not being able to rest for a minute doesn't help. For the past two days, I have been dealing with my dad's irritable bowel issues and I will spare you the details, other than mornings are hellish in my house. 

This afternoon, I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up four different medications for my dad. What does it say when the pharmacist knows me?! I am not kidding! She literally saw me today and screamed out from behind the counter.... how is your dad? She is a wonderful person and very knowledgeable. She has a countless number of customers, but she gets to know your story and who you are caring for! She knew all about the medication changes we recently made, because I inputted this feedback in the CVS portal and she called me immediately on Saturday to discuss it! I told her today that I am grateful she is on our case, because I appreciate all knowledgeable eyes on my dad's prescriptions. 

When my dad goes to his memory care program, I take my mom out for tea. Our local Starbuck's has become a form for therapy for both of us. I know the general manager and mostly everyone who works there! They all know I am a caregiver and whenever the manager is working, he brings all the items I order directly to the table for me. That may not sound like a big deal, but to me this form of kindness is so deeply appreciated. The manager is going on a trip in about two months and every time he sees me he says..... I so wish you were going on a vacation too..... you deserve it more than me. To which I usually laugh, as he works very hard interfacing with the public. But to some extent his comment reminds me that the last time I went on vacation was in 2021 (and I was married, when the world made more sense to me). Since that point, I have never had a day without great responsibility, caregiving, and intense house and financial pressures. 

Later in the day, while putting the laundry away, I noticed an SUV pull up on my street and dropped two young people off. They weren't purposefully visiting someone, they were literally standing in the middle of the street for five minutes. This caught my attention, as we live in a world now, when safety and security are of utmost importance. I watched these two people go door to door to my neighbors. So I texted my neighbors inquiring who these people are and what did they want! Thankfully my neighbors understand my desire to be in the know and how I take our community's safety seriously! These two were apparently selling windows, and fortunate for them they did not come to my door. However, they saw me watching them and I photographed them too!  

Tuesday, February 17, 2026

Tuesday, February 17, 2026 -- Mattie died 833 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. What was going on here? Well Mattie was having a physical therapy session! In typical Mattie fashion, he wasn't going to do something we did not try first. So me and Anna (his physical therapist) got down on the floor to play Twister. Mattie was calling out the moves and once he observed the process and how we managed this, he was then willing to give it a try! But he did not do it alone. 

Whatever Mattie did, I always joined him. We were a team and I was committed to every aspect of his cancer journey. 

Quote of the day: The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Yesterday I mentioned the Lost Screen Memorial and the impact of social media on mental health. Today, I came across an article entitled, Inside Open AI Leaders' Decision to Take Down A Beloved AI Model. Honestly we live in a world that I do not understand most days and I think technology is a big contributor to a great deal of problems we face as a society. Certainly technology can be beneficial, but when we have the need to turn to technology for emotional support, this is where a red flag goes up in my head. I don't mean turning to your phone to call, email, or text a LIVE human being. I mean turning to a chatbot for advice, input, and guidance. It almost seems like something out of a sci-fi book, however, it is our 21st century reality. A reality that also charges you for access to these chatbot services!

There are many chatbot users who claim that these interactions have saved their lives. That of course is the positive side of usage, however, there are a host of victims to this technology as well. In fact, doctors claim they have seen links between chatbot usage and the development of psychotic delusions and there is a lawsuit in California regarding users who killed themselves, attempted suicide, suffered mental breaks or, in at least one case, killed another person. It is alleged that these chatbot models give priority to user engagement and prolonged interactions over safety, which is similar to the debate on social-media sites which are accused of pushing users into echo-chambers of their own views and rabbit holes of disturbing content.

Never using a chatbot, I truly can't comment on the entire experience. But I guess when it comes to emotional issues, I am not likely to turn to a device. Especially when I know the device doesn't know me, doesn't know my situation, has no concept of my history and certainly it can't be impartial! So it intrigues me that someone would use this method, especially during a crisis. I see the dangers in this, as it is like seeking therapy from an unlicensed professional, with little oversight or regulation. 

But what this says to me is people are turning to these options because we as a society have stopped listening. We have stopped talking, we have stopped connecting, and we have prioritized things, tasks, and jobs over human interactions. This should make us all pause, because at the end of the day, intentional care, compassion, and support for our family and friends in our lives should be our priority, our goal. 

More valentine's day surprises in the mail today! I am grateful for every gift and card, that are reminders that I am worthy of love, respect, and commitment. 

Monday, February 16, 2026

Monday, February 16, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. Mattie's kindergarten classes put together Valentine's for him and also sent along this huge lollipop. As you can see, these items were a hit and though these cards may seem like little things, I have found that it is the little things in life that are really the most important and memorable. 

Quote of the day: If love could have kept our children alive, they would all still be here. ~ Lost Screen Memorial

For the past week, I have been hearing about this landmark trial happening in Los Angeles that is bringing attention to the role of social media in the lives on young children. Check out this article, Social media 'addicting the brains of children,' plaintiff's lawyer argues in landmark trial. Countless families have lost their children to suicide, which they feel is the result of their children being addicted to social media. An addiction which is suggested to be caused by social media companies who purposefully design algorithms to lure these young and impressionable minds onto their sites. In fact the analogy is that social media is like a drug and the media companies are the drug pushers. Needless to say the outcome of this trial could impact how social media handles children using their platforms in the future.

Mattie died at the age of 7, so I never had to face the social media challenge with him. Nonetheless, I can see society as a whole is attached to their cell phones and they are constantly posting every move on social media. I know after Mattie died, and as I am facing my continual grief and trauma, I had to remove myself from social media. Why? Because social media is not real. Instead, people post about all sorts of things to get likes and attention and in the process it is very easy to get sad, down, depressed, or upset that your own life doesn't look like the ones posted on our screens. I have the wherewithal to remove myself, but I would not have such skills and abilities as a child. 

Along with the trial, parents who have lost their children to social media usage created the Lost Screen Memorial. I encourage you to check out this moving website that features the beautiful faces of children who were taken too soon. It is heartbreaking reading each and every story, because you can see each of these children had a talent, skill, and spark. Yet our world will never know what they could have contributed to our greater good. Certainly how these parents lost their children is very different from how I lost Mattie, yet I can absolutely appreciate the horror, pain, and anger they are feeling. This creative memorial features the photos of children, as they appear on their parent's cell phone lock screens. The stories highlight depression, body image, and things like the choking challenge which children learned about on social media.  

Check out this two minute news video on the issue:

Switching topics, a have a Canadian Goose on my front lawn. She has been there ALL DAY today. She can walk and move around and is not injured. But she is being very territorial in my front yard. I tried calling animal welfare groups and animal control. NO ONE will help me! Geese are Federally protected and if she was injured multiple groups would assist me, but since there is nothing wrong with her, she is my problem. 

A lone goose is unusual, as these animals tend to stay in groups. Typically a lone goose is grieving the loss of a partner, tending to a nest, guarding an injured mate, or is young/unmated. Needless to say, I now have added a goose to my daily check list!