Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Tuesday, July 3, 2012 -- Mattie died 147 weeks ago today.


Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2006. I recall this lunch very well, because it was Easter Sunday. We took Mattie to his favorite restaurant, and to our surprise, they had a life sized Easter Bunny going from table to table to take pictures with the kids. When this bunny approached our table, Mattie was hesitant to take a picture with this character, until I told Mattie it was alright. Mattie was much braver than I was at his age. Because at age 4, I would have been hiding under the table to avoid this big rabbit coming near me!



Quote of the day: Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate. ~ Albert  Schweitzer

As it is another Tuesday, marking Mattie's death, I reflect on his loss and also am aware that today is the day before Independence Day. It is hard to believe that this will be our third Fourth of July without Mattie in our lives. Somehow time keeps marching on, but in our hearts no holiday will ever be the same.

I was doing chores today, and when I got home, I noticed Mattie's sandbox had its lid off and also had an occupant. A little girl who couldn't be more than 3 years old, was playing in Mattie's box! Mattie's sandbox no longer sits on our deck. Instead it sits right outside our deck door in our common space. It sits there because I am just not sure what to do with it otherwise. Removing Speedy Red (Mattie's ride on car) off the deck was hard enough, but the sandbox goes much further back in Mattie's history. Mattie loved his frog sandbox and if you open the lid now, you can still find several of Mattie's favorite sand toys in there.

In order to get inside my front door, I had to pass this little girl and her grandmother. I did not stop to chat, but did acknowledge them and said hello. I just did not want to get into a conversation about the sandbox, or to even have them thank me for the use of this wonderful diversion. For getting into a conversation would naturally lead to.... whose sandbox this was! This is not the only little person near us who plays in Mattie's sandbox. Actually many of the little ones who live in our complex get great use out of Mattie's box. I am not sure if this would make Mattie smile or if it would displease him. As for myself, I have been on both ends of the continuum over this issue, from being very opposed to seeing other children touching Mattie's box, to now being okay with it. That sandbox brought Mattie hours of pleasure and his creativity inside of the box was amazing. He created ramps for his sand cars out of wooden scraps Peter had, and some of these ramps are still within the sand today. Seeing the box in use now, simply reminds me of Mattie and our many hours together outside.