Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Mattie was in clinic at the Hospital and was visited by our friend Ann. Mattie had a request from her, that if she came and visited him, she had to bring him a big salted pretzel. I have no idea where on earth she found this pretzel but as you can see she did not disappoint or come empty handed. Which was why the pretzel made it into the picture!
Quote of the day: That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been. Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day. ~ Charles Dickens
Today is a Tuesday. Seems rather fitting on a day that marks Mattie's passing, that I would venture back to the Georgetown University Hospital. To be quite honest, today did not go exactly how I had planned at all. In all reality, my goal was to be supportive to my friends in cancer, but that was not what happened at all. Let me elaborate.
In June of 2013, one of Mattie's physicians at Georgetown contacted me and asked me if it would be okay for a mom who had just lost her only child to cancer to call me. The doctor explained that this mom felt the need to reach out to a parent who also lost an only child. What a smart mom! That notion never even crossed my mind in September of 2009. But this mom was absolutely right, since we do experience loss in quite a different way. In any case, we visited with each other in June, and since that time, we have been connected daily through text messages.
My friends Ilona and Attila want to honor their son's, Chris, love for technology, by providing iPads to children and teens battling cancer. This is a wonderful electronic form of psychosocial support and over time they have reached out to Mattie Miracle to ask for our support to help them navigate the fundraising and administrative complexities of running a non-profit. So I feel very proud in a way (NOT taking credit for their hard work) for supporting a family through this horrific grief journey and being able to be at Georgetown today to jointly participate in this iPad distribution ceremony.
I had no idea the crowd that would be before us this morning. Several of the people in this room, I knew! Many had worked with Mattie. This is what I wasn't prepared for! Certainly coming back to Georgetown is a sensitive issue in an of itself, but when I see people that I knew this triggers all sorts of memories for me. Then when these people talk to me about Mattie, as they did today, that provides a whole host of other emotions. I began crying in the meeting this morning and have been crying throughout the day. It was an emotional experience, which brought me right back to 2008. In fact, when Peter got home tonight, I was asleep. I was that tired. When he woke me up, I did not know what time or day it was.
in each of the departments. A Champion means someone who has trained to work with children and is committed to work with the iPad and engage children with it in their Department. The lady standing right next to me is Theresa. Theresa was Mattie's x-ray tech. Mattie called her Miss Theresa. Theresa is an AMAZING woman. Mattie was deathly afraid of any machines. He had to do x-rays conscious (without sedation) and yet getting up on the table and sitting still in awkward positions given all of his surgical sites was not easy. Any time Mattie had to do an x-ray, Linda and I always hoped he was assigned to Theresa. She was patient, calm, and worked with him to find a comfortable position for his body. She just understood what we were all up against and did not add further stress to the situation. I will never forget her, as I told her today!
I had two more special interactions at this meeting. One was with Mattie's bone scan technician, Alex. Bone scans were a pip. Because basically Mattie would get injected with a contrast and have to sit still for over an hour until the dye traveled through his body. This was very uncomfortable for Mattie, especially since he was starving and couldn't eat or drink from the night before. The scan itself took about two hours. Alex got to know Mattie and I quite well over time, since we had to do this procedure more than once. Today Alex came up to me to let me know that he visits Mattie's blog from time to time and he never forgets Mattie. That meant a lot to me.
But the real surprise came from a physician. A radiologist. Dr. Guiseppe Esposito. Who I later learned is the chief or nuclear medicine. Dr. Esposito came up to me to let me know that he remembers me and Mattie very well. He let me know that he worked with us many times. I honestly just looked at him perplexed. He kept talking. He has a beautiful accent, so one would think I would have remembered him. Chalk it up to trauma and having no sleep while living at Georgetown. As he kept on talking and he described walking me through the bone scan results, my response to him was..... "was that you!" Of course he said, "yes." Then I remembered him. But what he said next floored me. This is what separates out the good physicians from the outstanding physicians! I mean this sincerely. He said, "I remember your son Mattie and he has influenced how I practice medicine." He did not need to say that. He then hugged me. This whole interaction caught me way off guard and impacted my entire day, because what Theresa, Alex, and Dr. Esposito were saying is that almost five years later Mattie hasn't been forgotten.
I view today's meeting as a gift that Linda set up for me. She won't admit it, but I know it as orchestrated by her. I really needed such a gift. It meant a lot to me, I just wish Peter were there to hear it. It touched my heart, and it is only within the confines of Georgetown that I feel that Mattie is alive! Rather ironic, no?
After the meeting, I then journeyed up to the inpatient pediatric cancer unit. I knew our friend Bridget was there. I follow Bridget's caringbridge site religiously. Bridget is a young adult now, but started cancer treatment around the same time Mattie was diagnosed. She is a beautiful woman, inside and out. But what I love about Bridget is her down to earth nature, her sense of humor, and her incredible spirit. When fighting cancer for five years practically you need super human strength and sometimes you have to wonder how does she manage this and how does her family endure? I don't like coming unannounced so I had Linda find out if it would be okay for me to come in. While Linda was checking, I saw our favorite nurse, Tricia and Mattie's case manager, Catherine. Seeing Tricia is always a highlight for me!
I spent some time chatting with Bridget and her mom, and I will never forget my time with Cathy (Bridget's mom). When Mattie was battling cancer, she always had the kindest words for me. Words I won't forget. I just wish I could take this family's pain away, I wish I could grant Bridget's wish to really be able to live a normal every day life just like everyone else. It is so hard to receive visitors in the hospital. I remember it well. It disturbs the order of things within the room. I know when Mattie got visitors, and then they left to go home, Mattie became very depressed, because he knew they were going back to their normal life, and he wasn't. Yet Bridget knows I get her life. To Bridget I am safe, I am acceptable. I walk both worlds. I will always feel deeply saddened to have lost Mattie, but it is through Mattie, that I can connect with my friend Bridget. I saw that today, and that was a revelation for me!
No comments:
Post a Comment