Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. This was clearly not one of Mattie's happy moments. We had many times like this actually, maybe not captured and shown on the blog on a regular basis, but those who cared for us in the Hospital saw these times often. They lived them with us. These were sad, anxious, and very depressing times. Times when you really weren't sure how Mattie or us were going to pull out of it. There were no quick fixes, happy pills, or changes of scenery. It wasn't as if we could alter Mattie's circumstances, and living with such tension, and this profound lack of control for so long I believe did some how alter our whole outlook on life.
Quote of the day: The soul is healed by being with children. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Today I went back on Mattie's school campus with my friend Linda. Linda is an avid blog reader and has followed the whole saga of Mattie's tree dying twice and wanted to see Mattie's new tree and the new location. So we walked onto campus today so I could show her the tree and the work we did this weekend to build out the base of the tree. When Linda asks to see a part of my Mattie world, I am always honored. She always self-initiates this! It is not unlike when someone wants to see your child's recital or school play, photos, and other accomplishments. I may not have those benchmarks anymore but instead, I have more non-traditional things. Such as the tree for example.
When Linda and I arrived on campus, I could see children running around on the AstroTurf where Mattie used to play but I did not think much of it since Pre-K to second graders could be using that space of the school. Linda and I instead approached Mattie's tree and as we did that several children decided to come over and chat with us. As is typical with children..... they were inquisitive and wanted to know about the tree! Who was it for and why was it decorated!??? One little girl loved the Legos and cars hanging on it and was intrigued by the acorn shaped birdhouse on the tree. However, what I noticed was that Donna and Leslie were outside with their classes of students. Donna is the kindergarten teacher who I work with in the spring, in which I come into her classroom and conduct a three part Matisse and Picasso art series and Leslie was Mattie's kindergarten teacher. We had a wonderful time chatting altogether!
Several of Donna's children wanted to get to know Linda and I! They wanted to show us that they could do head stands and though we came to look at the tree, we got much more than just a tree visit. The beauty of children is they have a way of engaging you immediately and taking you right into their world. The kindergarten age group is a priceless age and an age I relate to quite well. So many of them today reminded me of Mattie. One girl was struggling with a head stand, while the other one could easily do it. So literally I put my purse down and I grabbed the legs of the one girl who was struggling and lifted her right up and helped her balance. Something I would have done with Mattie without skipping a beat. I just knew the signs of a child wanting to try something, of wanting to fit in physically but not knowing how on earth to do it without help! As I always say..... Mattie was my BEST TEACHER! Seeing these children today reminded me of Mattie and it can be bittersweet, but they also bring me happiness. Because they remind me of a time in my life with Mattie when he was healthy and vibrant. Also in a way, children have a way of being very appreciative and happy to spend time with you, which in a way is different from the average adult.
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