Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008. This was a classic May photo in our home! Why? Because it was tent moth caterpillar season. Mattie would bring many caterpillars home from school in Alexandria, VA. Then we would put the caterpillars in jars, with holes on top for air. Mattie and I would feed the caterpillars oak leaves (the only thing they seemed to like), replenish leaves every couple of days, and also clean out the jars on a regular basis. Caterpillars could eat and eat, and therefore, with eating came the by products. Needless to say, we fed them until they created their cocoons. Then after about two weeks the moths emerged and we would have a releasing party on our deck. Mattie had a natural curiosity to learn about nature and the scientific process of metamorphosis. At first I wasn't thrilled with these caterpillars invading our home, but I came to appreciate the spring activity and watching Mattie learn from the process. 


Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• number of people diagnosed with the virus: 1,036,652
• number of people who died from the virus: 60,475

Peter and I went for a 5 mile walk today in Alexandria, VA. We rarely leave DC anymore, but on occasion we venture out. It was a good change of scenery. 

Mattie's school designed lawn signs for all the graduating seniors. The school even made a sign for Mattie. I picked our sign up today. At first I was going to just put it in the closet, but then I had a change of heart. I asked Peter to put it in our flower pots. Ironically the windows you see here are to Mattie's bedroom. Which is now my office. If Mattie were alive, and we still living here, he would be able to look out his window and see his sign on display. 

A close up of the sign! Most of the people who live around us now probably won't understand the sign. After all, they never see us with a child and they did not know Mattie. For them the sign is meaningless. For us, the sign is bittersweet, bordering on painful. 

To be honest, I am fine with graduation being canceled, and I fine that graduation parties can't happen and I am also fine not hearing about Mattie's class and their college decisions. Probably sounds mean or selfish, but it is my reality. A reality I share with other bereaved moms. So many bereaved moms in the childhood cancer community are saying..... 'now (because of COVID-19) others understand how I really feel.' As COVID-19 is showing the rest of the world what it is like to live with missed opportunities, health anxieties, and uncertain futures. 

Meanwhile, Peter and I are tracking the number of states participating in the Mattie Miracle Virtual Walk. Participation can mean through registration, donations, or purchasing raffle tickets. As of today, we have 20 states participating.
Our goal is to get all 50 states represented!