Monday, December 21, 2020

Monday, December 21, 2020

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004. Mattie was two years old and at that point he understood the notion of Christmas, the fun of decorating for the season, and of course my need to take photos! This photo was featured on the front of our family Christmas card that year. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 18,017,492
• Number of people who died from the virus: 319,270

I debated back and forth whether my dad should go for an x-ray today and keep his urology appointment tomorrow. I decided based on the fact that my dad was hospitalized in May for a kidney stone lodged in his ureter, that it was important to receive follow up care. Which included an x-ray today to see if his remaining stone has migrated and worse whether he has produced more stones in six months. 

We took my dad to a radiology center that is about two blocks from their home. It is a lovely facility and professionally staffed. However, today I wanted to be able to talk to a radiologist after the x-ray to find out the results of the test. Turns out in California, these testing centers are not allowed to share results with patients. The results must come from the patient's doctor. In any case, that did not stop me from demanding results. So after talking to the center's manager, she agreed to send me the radiologist's report by email. By the way, I don't care what coast you are on, patient's have rights, and therefore we should always have access to our information. I learned this through Mattie's journey, and I try to share this message with every one I know. 

I learned today that it doesn't matter how old we are, some emotional things stay with us. Today I was transported back to 1984, when my family moved from NY to Los Angeles. I was 14 years old at the time, and it was a hard age to move to California. I had a wonderful friendship network in NY, I had won a dance scholarship to study dance at the college level (while I was still in high school), and I felt like I was finding myself. But I was a child, and wasn't given the choice about moving. This lack of control stays with me, as does the fact that we lost bonds and connections with friends and family. Geographic distance is the fastest way to sever relationships. One of the painful lessons I learned. 

When I moved to LA, I felt like people here never accepted me. I sounded different and I certainly wasn't blond and blue eyed. Back in the 80s, the "valley girl" was not only a concept, it was a reality in LA. I did not fit the mold and truly wasn't happy living here for three years. Which is why I went to college back in NY, and never moved back to California again. 

Tonight over dinner, we were talking about moving. A topic I dislike on all levels. You would think with my experience with moving, that it would be an easy topic to discuss and easy for me to do. On the contrary, the thought of moving stymies me. In a way this is the first time I really reflected on our LA move with my parents, and I told them that I truly don't get why they moved in the first place. I understand it was for a job, but I personally feel there are so many factors that need to be considered and valued before moving a family 2,500 miles away. This caught my dad off guard and he felt that I needed to rethink what I was saying because it was hurtful and very self focused. Of course this is the whole notion of sharing feelings no? It involves sharing my reflections, thoughts and emotions. 

I dropped the subject, but needless to say when people tell me that I had to have these life challenges in order to grow, gain insights, mature, and become the person I am today......... my reaction is MAYBE! I would like to think that I would be the person I am today, without moving 2,500 miles away, without living on a separate coast from my parents, and of course without having a child diagnosed with cancer.