Thursday, March 9, 2023

Thursday, March 9, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. That day, Mattie received a visit from his "girlfriend," Charlotte. Mattie and Charlotte met in kindergarten and as I always said.... they brought out the best in each other. Throughout Mattie's cancer journey, Charlotte visited. Mattie wasn't always in a great mood, and could be snappy. But that did not prevent Charlotte from coming to the hospital. The hospital is a daunting place even for an adult. But for a young child, it is overwhelming and frightening. I learned a lot about friendship from observing Charlotte and Mattie. In any case, that day, Mattie's art therapist dropped off some silk screen hoops to Mattie's room. Mattie and Charlotte used markers and created all sorts of art work on these silk pieces. This particular one was designed by Mattie. It featured Charlotte front and center. Of course no Mattie creation would be complete without a sun, sky, and grass!

Quote of the day: Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. ~ Maya Angelou

Peter sent me some photos from his flight to Seattle yesterday! Look at all that snow in the mountains!

Coming into Seattle. 

The last time we were in Seattle was in 2011. Peter and I met my parents there and then we boarded a cruise for Alaska. It is hard to believe this was 12 years ago. My parents were much healthier back then, and my dad was able to walk without any assistance. Honestly the sad part about caregiving for parents with dementia, is that this is how I know and experience them. The sharp, clear minded, and active individuals I may have once known, have completely drifted from my memory. 

Peter is ready for a full day of job interviews. He starts at 7:30am and goes until 6pm! We wish him luck!

I would have to say being a caregiver to parents is beyond challenging. My parents have different needs and different personalities. My dad is very needy, almost child like, but takes direction and is a happy camper. My mom on the other hand is equally needy, but doesn't like support, supervision, and resents it. My mom reminds me often that her mom, my grandmother, was the ultimate caregiver. Meaning that I am NOTHING like her! It is true my maternal grandmother was an extraordinary person. Calm, patient, loving, and very competent at providing care. My grandmother and I, have different personalities. As I am much more temperamental, feisty, and have a mind of my own. So when my mom says nasty comments to me, I don't sit back and take it. In fact, yesterday I landed up screaming yet again. She has no appreciation at all for the multiple things I juggle. Instead of acknowledging this, she piles more stuff on me. Constant demands! So I snapped. Of course when I snap, that's when I get to hear about me versus my grandmother. 

Yesterday, I took my parents out for an early dinner. Whether I am home or out to eat, it is a show. There is no eating in peace. One of them constantly needs something, and it is hysterical trying to have a conversation with Cheryl, our server. As Cheryl was catching us up on her difficult week, she highlighted that she was at a storage facility (moving some boxes into storage) with her son and ex-husband. While at the facility, they all got locked in the elevator for 30 minutes. Which of course is scary. Instead of being able to hear more about this story, my mom interrupted to say that this happened to her too. This is a typical thing with my mom. I don't know if it is a competition thing, trying to get attention, or what, but she will always bring the conversation back to herself and outdo whatever story is being told. 

For example, my mom told Cheryl that she too was once stuck in an elevator, and the only way she was able to get out, was she had to do what is depicted in this photo. She had to scale the wall and climb through the ceiling hatch. I listened to this and honestly this is the very first time I ever heard this story! I would think something this traumatic, I would have heard before at some point in my life. My mom was dead set that this happened and my dad and I were just looking at my mom. I personally concluded that this was yet another one of her delusions!

What is a delusion? A delusion is a belief that is clearly false and that indicates an abnormality in the affected person’s content of thought. The false belief is not accounted for by the person’s cultural or religious background or his or her level of intelligence. The key feature of a delusion is the degree to which the person is convinced that the belief is true. A person with a delusion will hold firmly to the belief regardless of evidence to the contrary. 

There are many explanations for why delusions occur, but for this particular circumstance, I am chalking it up to dementia. Despite the fact that my mom's brain scans are completely normal, there is something NOT normal about her behavior. So in addition to all the other tasks I manage, I also have this psychological component that makes my days endlessly exhausting.