Saturday, June 20, 2026

Saturday, June 20, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007, during our trip to Dutch Wonderland. I learned about this theme park, that is geared to younger children, from Mattie's preschool friends. It truly was a fun moment in time, and I will never forget that at this park Mattie experienced his first roller coaster ride. I do not like movement and I have never been on a roller coaster in my life! In this regard, Mattie was NOTHING like me. He loved his first roller coaster ride, and went on it multiple times! He was a little fellow who was open to all adventures and as tomorrow is Father's Day, I can't help but reflect on the massive losses in my life.

Quote of the day: There is no such thing as a ‘broken family.’ Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you. ~ C. Joybell 

This morning my dad had a physical therapy session. We haven't seen this therapist in a month. I needed to take a break from Saturday morning sessions because I have been just too strung out with the mortgage assumption and daily life and routines. Most days, I wake up around 6am. Even on Saturdays when my dad has a therapy session. In May, I decided I couldn't handle having to feel stressed out on Saturday mornings juggling the shower and bathroom routine with my dad. But now that we are in June, I decided to resume his sessions because it is in his best interest. Today the therapist shared with me that she got engaged. We admired her engagement ring and like me she knows the person she is marrying for many, many years. She then talked with me about a wedding. She has decided she doesn't want a formal wedding. Instead, she is having a gathering in a park, with food, music, and all sorts of games. She wanted to know what I thought of that. My reaction was..... that is brilliant. Having had a big wedding, I would now say, FORGET IT! It is a total waste of money. Save the money, apply it to your future, and do what is meaningful to you!

Once I lost Mattie, my feelings changed completely about seeing pregnant woman and seeing babies. As sad as it sounds, I look at all pregnancies as a chance to face childhood cancer. Certainly childhood cancer is rare, but it isn't rare when it impacts and devastates your life. This sadness now translates to engagements, weddings, and marriage. I am Catholic, and as such marriage is one of the 7 sacraments. Since my marriage has not been annulled by the church, in my mind I honor the sacrament. But that said, my whole opinion on marriage has been tarnished. I see absolutely no point in this type of union, because what I have learned is nothing is forever. 

Back to my dad..... the therapist and I tried an experiment today. We had my dad do his hour long therapy session outside. Our driveway is completely shaded, thanks to several trees. Here is what we concluded. My dad responds to movement much better when he is outside! When he is in the house, the only thing he wants to do is head for his chair! 

Later this afternoon, I went back in my garden to feed the roses and pull weeds. This is how you enter my garden! You truly do not expect this until you come through the gate. One of my neighbors recently told me that I don't have an ordinary garden, but a botanical garden. I take pride in my garden and work hard throughout the summer to keep it thriving. It is my therapy!

The two brown pots are baby oak trees. We took acorns from the oak tree near our apartment in Washington, DC. When we moved into this house in 2021, we planted the acorns. That oak tree in Washington, DC supplied countless oak leaves for Mattie's tent moth caterpillars every spring. Now I have mini trees in the backyard, as a tribute to Mattie. In between the oak trees is a pink hydrangea, which I gave to my mom for Mother's day!

There are four large pots in the backyard filled with roses. These roses are MUCH, MUCH harder to maintain. Roses in the ground are much easier. In pots they get buggy and you really have to keep feeding and spraying them to get them to thrive. My other half planted roses in these pots and I am trying to keep the tradition going. 

I spent hours weeding today. Every flower bed gets covered in weeds. I have to do this practically weekly. 

When we bought this house, both the flower bed pictured above and this one were a mess. There was no rhyme or reason to either of them. I suggested we plant roses and they are thriving in both places. A friend gave me iris bulbs and they seem to love this spot too. Years ago my former mother-in-law gave me the metal sunflower and birdfeeders you see here. I now get daily visits from gold finches at these feeders! 

Getting a feeling for the amount of weeding I have done this weekend?

Friday, June 19, 2026

Friday, June 19, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2007. Mattie was five years old and we took him for a weekend away in Lancaster, PA. We stayed at a hotel that provided breakfast in the morning. The chef took a liking to Mattie, as Mattie loved his waffles! One morning, the chef decided to give Mattie his own chef's hat! As you can see this made Mattie very happy. These were memorable moments, and back then, I thought we would have a lifetime of special moments together. I would never have guessed that two years after this photo was taken, Mattie would be dying from cancer.  

Quote of the day: Heartbreak is a loss. Divorce is a piece of paper. ~ Taylor Jenkins Reid

I woke up with a horrible migraine today, but I had to plow through the pain and deal with it. Later in the day, after my parents were fed and relaxing, I decided to spent two hours in the garden. My therapy is weeding and using hedge trimmers. I got out my ladder out and the used the trimmers to cut back the very large hydrangea bush outside my family room window. The bush was so large, that I couldn't see any of the backyard. I hate cutting it because it produces beautiful flowers, but I felt like I had no choice. 

This is what the hydrangea looks like now. It has a much better shape and it lost a lot of its height. I spend a great deal of time maintaining the grounds of this house. I take it one flower bed at a time, and with the heat and humidity, the weeds are a weekly occurrence. 

I took many of the flower clipping from the hydrangea bush and made floral arrangements for all over the house. What I love about these flowers is that when they dry, they are amazing. I have the dried flowers all year long. They look beautiful in a vase!

This is how the flowers dry! Aren't they lovely?

Thursday, June 18, 2026

Thursday, June 18, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2007. It was Memorial Day weekend and we took Mattie to Amish Country, in Pennsylvania. We did all sorts of activities from Dutch Wonderland, to a train museum, and then while driving from one place to another we saw this rainbow colored structure in the middle of the grass. We literally pulled the car over and walked to check it out. It turned out that it was an in-ground trampoline. Mattie had a great time jumping and running around! It was just happenstance that we found this activity, which maybe why it still has left a vivid impression in my mind. Sometimes the things that are NOT planned, are the most meaningful. 

Quote of the day: Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear which is inherent in the human situation. ~ Graham Greene

Yesterday I was chatting back and forth with my long time friend and colleague, Mary Ann. She was talking to me about this blog, for which she has been a loyal reader. I have been writing this blog, EVERY DAY, for the last 18 years. I started writing in July of 2008, when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. When he died, I thought I would just continue writing for the first year. But then something within me said... keep writing. I really wasn't sure why I kept on writing. First and foremost, I wanted to keep writing, to ensure that Mattie's memory was always fresh in my mind and to also make sure others heard about Mattie's life and story. I assure you, with grief and bereavement, details and memories do get fuzzy. Unless you nurture them, they fade! I wasn't going to let that happen!

But if I had to dig deeper, what other purpose does the blog serve?! The answer is the blog is my therapeutic outlet. A space where I can share feelings, emotions, and all sorts of pains. Pains that the majority of the world doesn't want to hear about, and wouldn't know what to do with, yet all these things are very real and overwhelming to me. If I am not careful, they can be all consuming. 

When the blog was created, I shared Mattie's journey with cancer, each and every day with friends and family. It saved me from communicating the story countless times a day to multiple people. Everyone just went to the blog. Thousands of readers daily! After Mattie died, the blog then focused on active grief, bereavement, and the aftermath of medical traumatic stress. I have taken blog readers on my vacations, holidays, and trips! The thing is NO MATTER where I go, the grief, trauma, and bereavement follow. They do not disappear, as they are not location specific, but specifically lie within my head. Now of course, in addition to working through the loss of Mattie, I am also dealing with my divorce. Mattie was in my life for 7 years, and I have been writing and writing. I was in a long term relationship for 35 years. So if you do the math...... I may NEVER stop writing. Writing puts feelings and raw emotions into WORDS. Words matter, and it turns out as I learned from a video Mary Ann sent me yesterday, that putting feelings into words impacts the brain.  

Today, I came across an article entitled, Putting Feelings into Words. Below is a snippet from the article that jumped out at me.............................

When people see a photograph of an angry or fearful face, they have increased activity in a region of the brain called the amygdala, which serves as an alarm to activate a cascade of biological systems to protect the body in times of danger. Scientists see a robust amygdala response even when they show such emotional photographs subliminally, so fast a person can’t even see them.

But does seeing an angry face and simply calling it an angry face change our brain response? The answer is yes. When you attach the word ‘angry,’ you see a decreased response in the amygdala. The study showed that while the amygdala was less active when an individual labeled the feeling, another region of the brain was more active: the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex. This region is located behind the forehead and eyes and has been associated with thinking in words about emotional experiences. It has also been implicated in inhibiting behavior and processing emotions. 

In the same way you hit the brake when you’re driving when you see a yellow light, when you put feelings into words, you seem to be hitting the brakes on your emotional responses. As a result, an individual may feel less angry or less sad.

After reading this, it is clear that the blog has been my therapeutic tool for 18 years. I am also grateful to my loyal readers who are interested in my words, my journey, and continue to visit and check in on me. For that I am thankful and it is my hope that whatever I express may get you thinking or even give words to what you are feeling! Reminding you.... you too are NOT alone. 

Wednesday, June 17, 2026

Wednesday, June 17, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007. Mattie was five years old. It was Memorial Day weekend and we took Mattie to Pennsylvania to visit Dutch Wonderland. Dutch Wonderland was a theme park geared to younger kids. As we drove to Pennsylvania, we stopped at a pretzel making factory. Mattie got to roll out dough and learned how to twist a pretzel. But outside they had this cute cow statute. Mattie knew I was a big black and white cow fan, so we took a photo along side it! Such a happy and innocent time. I look at this photo now, and it almost seems like this was someone else's life. 

Quote of the day: I'd marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead in a year. ~ Bette Davis

I came across this Bette Davis quote today! Somehow it made me laugh, and very little gets me laughing these days. Life is hard enough, but going through a mortgage assumption is worse than passing a kidney stone. It is sheer torture and like a kidney stone, you have absolutely NO CONTROL of the outcome. I feel like my life is on hold, that I am holding my breath on a daily basis, waiting for the next demand, request, or verdict. It is a horrid way of living, and something I will never ever forget. 

Like every morning, I got up early today. The world looks very different at 6:00am. Things are quieter and more peaceful. I walked outside in my pajamas and went to get my mom's paper at the end of the driveway. The air smelled fresh, the birds were singing, and truly it was in that moment of time, where I said to myself..... if I had to capture the notion of hope or hopeful, it would be right now. The world looks just a little better in those quiet times. But of course, then reality hits me, and I snap out of it fast! I am reminded.... I am alone, I was left behind, I am childless, I am managing the impossible, and I worry about finances constantly. Ironically, it is fortunate that I am a caregiver, because if I did not have that routine, I would be totally and completely lost. 

While awaiting the electrician today, I was looking at an email from my friend and colleague, Jean. Jean was messaging me about our professional counseling license in Washington, DC. Frankly if Jean did not message me, I would never have known that our licensure renewal process has completely changed. For years, renewals were every other even year. Now renewal is associated with your birthday. Perfect.... something else to confuse Vicki! Literally I panicked, because I thought that would mean I needed to supply 40 continuing education credits by this July, rather than December. This would have been a big problem for me, as I am only half way there. Given my existence, it is amazing that I have even one hour of continuing education on the books! Thankfully my renewal is next year! One blessing!

Bob, my electrician, came over today. I have several things that need to be fixed and replaced. However, Bob knows that I am cognizant of prices. So instead, I am buying these items on my own and will have Bob come back and install them. It is more cost effective this way, and I appreciate that he and my plumber look out for me. Remember, I text messaged Bob last Friday in a panic, when we had a blackout. Within 90 minutes, he had someone over my house, repairing the generator. I have a team of good guys! Bob even shared photos with me and my mom of his trip to Disneyworld with his grand daughter. Yes I even contacted Bob while he was at Disney and he responded! Bob reminded me today, that when we first moved into the house, he spent countless days and weeks with us. That was because the house needed to be rewired! It was a big job! Everything about this house has been a big job, and fortunately when we moved in, I took an interest, and made it my business to get to know every contractor and service provider. Otherwise, I would be up a creek. Having trusted and established providers before my divorce gives me great comfort now, because I know NO ONE is taking advantage of me. 

Tuesday, June 16, 2026

Tuesday, June 16, 2026 -- Mattie died 850 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2006. Mattie was four years old and that weekend he and his preschool buddy, Zachary, attended the Day out with Thomas event in Pennsylvania. Mattie and Zachary were huge Thomas the Tank Engine fans! I absolutely love this photo! To me it showed two good friends walking side by side and with purpose.... as they were very excited to see the life sized Thomas train!

Quote of the day: Imagine spreading everything you care about on a blanket and then tossing the whole thing up in the air. The process of divorce is about loading that blanket, throwing it up, watching it all spin, and worrying what stuff will break when it lands. ~ Amy Poehler

I came across this quote tonight. I am not sure if the author of it was focused solely on the tangible items one can put on the so called blanket of divorce. But I would say the material items on the blanket being tossed up in the air are bad enough but it is the intangible items, that are far more painful to address. In fact, I would say that the emotional toll of a unexpected divorce are long standing and will forever be a part of me. 

Today was a total blur. I managed a visit with the nurse, who is still helping me manage my dad's pressure sores, and in between tasks, I reviewed grant applications for the Foundation. Perhaps it is my current state of affairs, but NONE of these grant proposals interested me. Fortunately I work with a professional team of researchers who also review these proposals objectively and then discuss their findings with me. There are times in life, that I truly need to be grateful for the help of other amazing women in my life.  

I went outside to water my plants today and the yellow "Father's Day lilies" are blooming. We bought these lilies decades ago, when we first moved to Washington, DC. So I am saying these flowers go back to 1994! When we moved in 2021, we took the lilies with us to the house! These lilies bloom every year around Father's Day. Which is how they got their unofficial name. At one time, these lilies were a tribute to Mattie's dad (when Mattie was a live). After Mattie died, they were still a memorial tribute to being a father, and now I look at these flowers and say to myself..... I have lost both of them! Seeing these lilies bloom is terribly upsetting, and it leaves me wondering how can the flowers remain but nothing else??

Monday, June 15, 2026

Monday, June 15, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2006. Mattie was four years old! This was a typical weekend view! We would visit Roosevelt Island, which was minutes from our home. Mattie loved exploring the Island and we all enjoyed the boardwalk. It is a small piece of paradise, so close to the city, and yet filled with bird and wildlife traffic! 

Quote of the day: Doctoring her seemed to her as absurd as putting together the pieces of a broken vase. Her heart was broken. Why would they try to cure her with pills and powders? ~  Leo Tolstoy

This morning, after dropping my dad off at his memory care center, I took my mom to the city for us to get haircuts and nails done. I take my mom to city about every six weeks. Prior to my divorce, I used to get my haircut, once a year! However, after my divorce I learned was this was not good for my hair, and that hair needs to be cut every three months. So now, I try to schedule this every three months. I am great at caring for my parents and not as good at looking after myself. 

While at the salon, I had the opportunity to chat with the stylist. Her grandson is sick and though others chat with this stylist, they had no idea what she was facing. However, I got to hear her story and what her family is facing. Why do I think people share their problems with me? I think people feel more comfortable sharing health crises and concerns with me because I know all about sadness, I know all about crisis, and I certainly know all about medical trauma. There isn't much you can tell me that will shake me, and because of my journey with Mattie, I have a deep understanding for the range of emotions that result from a life altering diagnosis. 

But the bottom line is the women in the salon view me as a strong woman. A woman who has survived child loss, a woman who is surviving the loss of her husband, and a woman who is managing the care of her parents. It is a ton of loss that travels with me daily. After the salon, I took my mom to Starbucks for tea before picking my dad up. When we walked into Starbucks, all the baristas and the manager told me how wonderful I looked. They knew right away that I got my hair cut, and seriously after all their comments, the rest of Starbucks knew too. It had me laughing!

When I got home, I went upstairs to my bedroom and recorded this two minute video. One of the researchers and clinicians I have worked closely with since 2011, is retiring. A link to upload videos was sent to me, and the request was that it had to be done this week. So I tried to compose myself and recorded this message! My hope is that Lori knows how much she has transformed my life and has helped to ensure Mattie's legacy through the Psychosocial Standards of Care. 

Sunday, June 14, 2026

Sunday, June 14, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2004. Mattie was two years old and that week we took him to Boston to visit his grandparents. Summers for us were spent doing trips to Boston and California, to reconnect with family. One of the things Mattie loved to do was interact with nature. So we went to the local pond, with bread in tow, to feed the geese and ducks!

Quote of the day: I don’t know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too. ~ Terri Guillemets

I could hardly move this morning. I was that exhausted. But by 6:30am, Indie was screaming outside my bedroom door and when I wasn't moving, she then threw her whole body against the door. She will do that until I wake up! I certainly love animals, but I sure wish they understood sometimes that sleep needs to happen! Mind you Indie has access to dry food 24/7! But what she really wants is for me to be up!!! She is better than an alarm clock. 

It was one thing after the other today, and by 5pm, I needed a break from bathroom runs and demands. So I went outside in the heat and washed both cars. Though I am exhausted, I just can't rest by day. I have to be conscious and functioning to managing my parents and frankly there are too many chores around the house that need to be addressed. When I got back inside the house, the next crisis arose.... the cable froze. I love how my parents view me as the person who can solve and address all problems! Actually, NO I CAN'T....  but if I don't do it, no one else will. I am absolutely sick of being the point person for everything. I am not used to this, nor did I chose to live my life as a divorced woman. 

On an aside, I took my parents out to brunch today. The server, who I have known since 2021, visited with us. She was telling us about her daughter, who she hopes will get married soon, mainly because her daughter is getting older and her window to have children is closing. I listened to her story and empathized. But once she left, I was surprised by my inner dialogue which I shared with my mom. My inner dialogue basically said, why get married? This person will only leave you in the end! Certainly my story is not the average married woman's story, but I am that devastated that I no longer advocate for the union of marriage. I see no benefits in getting married, but can only list the financial burden of dissolving such a union. I can't tell you how costly the whole divorce process has been and unfortunately the hits keep coming with a mortgage assumption. I have no idea if I will even get approved for the assumption but what I do know is the closing fee is down right hysterical. It is hysterical because I will be paying a hefty fee to assume a mortgage on a house I ALREADY OWN! Something is very wrong with this system.

Saturday, June 13, 2026

Saturday, June 13, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2002. Mattie was two months old. As you can see we were having a peaceful moment outside on our deck. Truthfully back then I had no idea if I was coming or going. I was exhausted as Mattie rarely slept and I was recovering from abdominal surgery. Yet in comparison to my life now, I would welcome turning back the hands of time, and reliving this exact moment again and again!

Quote of the day: Just as it is impossible to explain childbirth to a woman who has never given birth, it is impossible to explain child loss to a person who has never lost a child. ~ Lynda Cheldlin Fell

I think I finally got to sleep at 2am. Friday was a nightmare of a day, with mortgage assumption paperwork and then losing power. We have a generator for a reason, but last night it wasn't working and just like with any crisis, I first panic. But I quickly can regulate from panic to action and thankfully I called my electrician. Yes I have his cell number and YES he actually answers whenever I call. It is thanks to Bob that our generator was up and operational by 9:30pm. Which is good because our neighborhood did not get power restored until 9:30am today! 

What I have learned is that without electricity, I have no cell phone service, I can't access email or the internet! Why? Because our neighborhood has poor cell reception and therefore I need wi-fi. I truly feel this is a safety concern, especially when caring for my parents. But what also was a rude awakening was I truly did not know where our flashlights were in the house. Yes I have one or two, but not enough to give off light. I never used to worry about this form of preparation because my other half excelled in this. So even a blackout can be an emotional experience for me, and what it drove home once again is how alone I am! I did round up flashlights and thankfully I have many oil candles! But I do not wish to relive such intense stress like last night again. That said, I am purchasing larger flashlights for the house and I think it is important to always have gasoline in one's car, because with a power outage, it is impossible to get gas. Given that I make many trips to the ER with my dad, I always have a pretty full tank of gas, because I never know when the next emergency will hit. This gives you some understanding for my internal dialogue. A dialogue that is always hyper alert, awaiting the next shoe to drop. Unfortunately in my case, it typically happens. 

This evening I made cookies. My new tradition is for every birthday, holiday, and event, I send my former in-laws cookies. I used to purchase them gifts of all kinds over the years, but now I think baking something from my kitchen and sending it to theirs is appreciated. It seems to perk up their days and I certainly know how I feel when I get a cookie. I made the classic chocolate chip and in my note I wrote.... a classic cookie for a classy dad!

Friday, June 12, 2026

Friday, June 12, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2003. Mattie was a year old. That weekend we took him to Great Falls Park. This Park has it all..... from wildlife to rapids and waterfalls. Though I tried to take a photo with Mattie, you can see that he wanted to get down and explore everything that caught his eyes!

Quote of the day: There comes a point where you no longer care if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You’re just sick of the tunnel. ~ Ranata Suzuki

All I can say is................DEAR GOD! I truly can't make up the kind of day I have had. It is 11:30pm, and I have had NO dinner and have been strung out for hours. The day was moving along as usual, until I got home with my dad at around 4pm. It was at that point I got an email and a phone call from my mortgage agent. Just when I think the round of questions and additional documentation will stop, or I will get a break from it, NO... MORE gets piled on me. Today's request was over the top, because it required documentation from my parents. Documentation I did not have. My typical mode of operation now is PANIC and ANXIETY. After I flip out, I then attack the problem. I am absolutely sick of problems and crises. It is wearing me out. 

While trying to compile documentation, we had a massive storm. The storm took out our power! Normally that wouldn't be a problem, as we have a generator. But the generator wasn't working. Without power, my mom was going crazy. As in my house, we have poor cellular service and we need Wi-Fi. Without Wi-Fi, nothing works. So I was dealing with my mom, who was walking around in circles, my dad was asking the same questions over and over, and I knew I needed a solution. As it is very hot out, I knew we couldn't stay overnight in the house without air and electricity. It was at that point, I reached out to my electrician. I couldn't text him, as I had no Wi-Fi, so I walked around outside until I got a bar of cellular service and I called Bob. He answered immediately and asked.... what's wrong! He was at home, with his granddaughter, but he could hear I was distraught. He called his company and he had them dispatch a generator specialist to the house. Thankfully Shaun showed up in 90 minutes and diagnosed the problem. I must have been so hysterical that he gave me a free battery replacement. As I told him, he is my generator angel! It is thanks to Shaun that the generator is working and we have lights and are operational.

But in the process of losing power, this impacted my alarm system. I spent the next two hours on chat with an agent doing a step by step process! Thanks to this wonderful person, I resolved that problem too! It is now 11:40pm, and my nerves are shot! It is a horrible way of living and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Just more tunnel!

Thursday, June 11, 2026

Thursday, June 11, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2002. Mattie was two months old. Giving birth to Mattie literally took me over 24 hours, and then I landed up having an emergency c-section. While having the c-section, a large (non-cancerous) tumor was found on my bladder. Therefore I needed surgery on that right after the c-section. Recovery from abdominal surgery was very challenging and in addition to that, I was facing postpartum depression. Not having family that lived locally, I did not have support with a newborn. So despite how I was feeling, I learned that I had to rise to meet the beauty and challenges of motherhood. As I always say, Mattie was my life's greatest teacher. 

Quote of the day: Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable.  ~ The Tinman, The Wizard of Oz

Given that I spoke to my mortgage agent a day ago, I figured I would get a break from him for the rest of the week! WRONG! Seriously when I see that 1-800 number calling me, it triggers instant panic. Today I was out at lunch with my parents. So in essence I was juggling a lot, and don't you know it, the agent called me. No matter what I am doing, if I see that number ring through on my phone, I immediately pick it up. 

Today's call was a total pip! He wanted immediate information! Information I couldn't give him because I was out! I was then told, I had to supply this information today, otherwise they would close my application! All I can say is ....... DEAR GOD! I then told him I would be home within an hour and would get it done. That was bad enough, until he told me some of the questions the bank has, meaning they don't believe that my parents actually live with me. I admit my situation is on the more unique side of the equation..... as not every adult child is the full-time caregiver for her parents. I literally wanted to invite him and the bank to my house, so they could see what a nightmare I live each day! 

I then told him that this whole application process is stressing me out. I can't help that I am divorced, nor can I help my financial situation. Of course the bank could care less! But I told him my current life situation is a product of great loss and trauma. He and the bank don't care, but I am very tired of being judged as the woman who doesn't work and I feel like they think I sit around all day eating bon bons! I should live so long. That is and was NEVER me. I have always worked hard at whatever I do, and though my bank account doesn't reflect that hard work, don't discredit my existence in such a demeaning manner. 

Any case, I got home, fully changed my dad, got my parents situated, and ran to my computer to manage all the requests. In addition to the incredible stress this mortgage assumption is adding to my life, it is also making my mom highly upset and anxious. So much so that this whole issue makes her shake like a leaf. It is criminal that at this stage of my parent's lives, they are made to feel this way. There is a great deal weighing on me and I will spare you my inner dialogue, venom, and disgust I have for the reason why I am in this position.