Monday, June 29, 2026

Monday, June 29, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. That day we visited a friend who planned many fun activities for Mattie. Including this bubble machine. That large fly swatter came from Mattie's 7th birthday party weeks before. Everyone knew Mattie loved bugs, so every child at the party got a huge fly swatter. Mattie absolutely loved it and it turns out the swatter was great at batting bubbles. Naturally going through Mattie's cancer journey was horrific. But in between the horror, were moments of amazing beauty. Mattie's journey showed me the power of community, friendship, and incredible generosity and compassion of our care network. I will never forget both the good, the bad and the ugly.  

Quote of the day: Everything can change in a heartbeat; it can slip away in an instant. Everything you trust, and treasure, whatever brings you comfort, comes at a terrible cost. Health is temporary; money disappears. Safety is nothing but an illusion. So when the moment comes, and everything you depend upon changes, or perhaps someone you love disappears, or no longer loves you, must disaster follow? Or will you-somehow-adapt? ~ Margaret Overton

Since someone I knew recently took her own life, it leaves many of us with questions, thoughts, and feelings. Do you know that statistically fewer people attend the funeral of a person who dies by suicide versus natural causes? It is hard enough to lose someone you love, but imagine when it occurs this way, and then your friends and other family members may not show up to lend support. The word suicide triggers all sorts of responses from people. If you doubt what I am saying, then just try talking to someone about it and see. You most likely will find that people have very strong feelings and opinions. 

I say this because some people may consider people who die by suicide as being selfish. The word selfish doesn't even come to my mind when discussing suicide. But perhaps I would feel differently if this was someone I was close to and loved. Though my gut reaction is if I used the word selfish, it would be because I was deeply struggling with feelings of guilt and remorse for not being able to help change the nature of the outcome. 

As a cradle Catholic, I grew up understanding that the church frowns upon suicide. It is considered a mortal sin, as taking a life is really not for us to take as our life belongs to God. I do know that the church has expanded its thinking decades ago, because the church understands that most suicides are a result of grave psychological distortion, emotional trauma, or deep depression. 

But what is most upsetting is that someone going through a similar (yet different) path like mine, was in so much pain that she took her own life. It is seriously humbling and frightening at the same time. I have no judgment, only great compassion, because I relate to the depths of her pain, her isolation, and her disillusionment about life. Yet what does one do with that pain, in order to keep surviving to the next day? 

For me the answer varies on any given day. First and foremost, my role as a caregiver is a responsibility I take seriously, therefore, it keeps me moving from day to day. But perhaps it is knowing that I also carry Mattie's legacy. If I die, so dies Mattie's memory and his Foundation. When these two factors don't seem to snap me out of my despair, I then physically move around. I go into my garden, I pull weeds, I listen to birds, I listen to my fountain, and when all else fails.... I ask God to give me strength to make it to the next day.  

Sunday, June 28, 2026

Sunday, June 28, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. I will never forget this moment in time. Sitting next to Mattie was Maya. Maya was Mattie's age! This was the only kid that Mattie related to, the rest of his buddies were older. Maya, like Mattie, is bright, full of energy, and sensitive. These two became friends months before this photo was taken. How? Well Mattie was sitting at the art table with other children. Each of them was working on an independent project. Mattie was quiet. Maya started a dialogue at the table by basically saying that she hated needles and they frighten her. That admission opened up the door for Mattie to respond. He felt like he could relate to Maya, as he agreed.... he did not like needles either. From that moment on, whenever they were in clinic together, you can rest assured they were playing together. On this particular day, that was captured in the photo, they created a small stage out of a box and they were performing a play about space for all who would listen. 

Quote of the day: Divorce shreds the muscles of our hearts so that they will hardly beat without a struggle. ~ E. Lockhart

For the last two days, I have been dealing with countless bathroom accidents with my dad. Yesterday's nightmare started in bed. That caused countless loads of laundry and thankfully it wasn't raining yesterday, because after things were washed, I aired them outside in the backyard. That made all the difference in the world. 

Today the issues did not calm down, they just got worse. I literally took my dad to the bathroom before putting him in the car to go out to brunch. I had just finished cleaning him up and I thought, I would get a break at the restaurant. Forget it. I did not even make it down the driveway, and he went again. Instead of going right back into the house, I continued driving to the restaurant in order to make our reservation time. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I got my dad out of the car, I left the car by the front door with my hazard lights on, and I took him to the bathroom. Thank goodness I travel with garbage bags, gloves, wipes, depends, and a change of clothing. What I saw was like a crime scene and he needed to be completely changed, everything.... including the socks. Of course women were coming into the bathroom and several were complaining about the smell! I understand, believe me. It was so bad, I thought about throwing out his pants, but instead, I put them in a garbage bag and then placed them in my trunk while we ate. I am not sure how I did not get physically sick or was able to eat after that bathroom visit, but I managed. 

We had a lovely server work with us today. I know of her, but she never worked with us before. She was truly a ray of sunshine, and given that conversing with my parents is impossible, this woman truly added energy to our meal. I enjoyed getting to know her and talking about different subjects. One of the subjects discussed was the anxiety over worrying about money. Putting life on hold, constantly working, and never taking a break. I did not interject my life into her story, as our stories are different, but I absolutely understand her fears, anxieties, and worries about the future. Before I left the restaurant, the server  let me know that she was having a hard day, but after working with us, she felt better. That made me happy, as the feeling was mutual. 

When I got home, I had a big clean up of clothing to do, but after that ordeal, I went right back into the garden. My rubrum lilies are about to bloom. In 2022, my other half planted countless rubrum lily bulbs in the backyard. Why? Because I LOVE them! These lilies bloom around July 4th every year. They are incredible plants and beautiful producers! I went out and cut off a few of the flowers. They will eventually bloom inside the house and the fragrance will be intoxicating. Naturally I look at these flowers and remember when my life was more normal, when things made sense, and I was a wife. I have been married longer, than I have been a single person. Being divorced feels like someone cut me in a half, and that other half will never repair itself. Instead, I just try to find a way not to bleed out and survive day by day. 

Saturday, June 27, 2026

Saturday, June 27, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. You maybe asking yourself.... what's going on here?! Well Mattie was in the outpatient oncology clinic and he was having a wheelchair race with one of his art therapists. Understand that all of Mattie's art therapists and child life specialist would challenge Mattie to races and games. He thought it was fun and games, but we were all cognizant of the importance of keeping his body moving and building up strength. Remember at that moment in time, we thought Mattie was stable and we were working to transition him back to school that Fall. Of course two months after this photo was taken, we learned that Mattie's cancer metastasized throughout his body. 

Quote of the day: I'll tell you something, Harpy," he said, his voice almost a whisper now. "It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't make it. And it never occurred to you that we would. You were just waiting for us to go down in flames. I thought we could get through anything. ~ Kristan Higgins

Last night, I was cleaning up the dinner dishes and about to give my parents dessert. While working around the kitchen, my mom was talking to my dad about his day at the memory care center. The center has now provided me with a daily written account of what my dad does, which is super helpful as we can use this to start conversations with my dad about his day. Without that daily account, I have no idea what my dad does all day, and he has no idea either. As my dad is moving to late stage dementia, he is almost completely living inside his head. It is very hard to get him to talk and he most definitely doesn't like to be asked questions or to have a dialogue. 

So back to last night, as my mom was talking to my dad about his day, he snapped. He did not want to hear one more thing from either of us. Meaning, he did not want to hear conversation or talking and then went on to say that he wants to be just left alone and put in a nursing home. THAT IS WHEN I LOST IT! I have given up every aspect of my life to care for my parents and to hear that what I am doing is not even valued or appreciated did not sit well with me. When I say I lost it, it was an internal losing it. I did not lash out, scream, or express my disgust. I did not have to, as my mom gave it to my dad. My dad has NO IDEA what life would look like for him living in a nursing home, and the only thing that intrigues him about a nursing home is that he would live a completely silent and sedentary life. 

Any case, I went to bed with all those feelings swirling around in my mind, along with the catastrophic demise of my marriage. It is remarkable how I can function with all this going on. On an aside, you may recall that I tried to join a support group two years ago. I did not make it past two sessions as I did not like how the group was run. I just learned that the group leader killed herself last week. We may all have different viewpoints about suicide, but given that I understand first hand what it is like to lose someone you love, I have great empathy for the pain this woman was in and I am saddened by hearing this news. As I said to fellow group members that I still keep in touch with.... there but for the grace of God go I. 

This morning, while my dad was doing physical therapy with his therapist, I started cleaning a few of my windows, inside and out. There are some windows that I see everyday, and I love to see them clean. I was going to have all the exterior windows of the house cleaned this year, but my life is on hold with this mortgage assumption. Therefore, I decided to clean some of them myself today. I love this kitchen window. From it I can see my garden fountain and lots of hummingbirds. 

This is my dining room window. It faces a beautiful crape myrtle tree, which isn't in bloom yet. 

The living room window. It was a total mess! Now it is sparkling clean. I find the more I move around, the better my head feels, and I can feel the anxiety I live with dissipate. Therefore, I keep moving!

My favorite window in the house! It leads to our porch. I will never forget seeing this window and porch for the first time when I toured the house with a realtor in 2021. I fell in love with the garden and the view. Now five years later, I still LOVE my garden and my views. 

Friday, June 26, 2026

Friday, June 26, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. Mattie was pictured between Brandon and Jocelyn. These were Mattie's closest buddies in cancer. Mattie and Brandon were diagnosed around the same time, and despite their age difference, they got along splendidly. Jocelyn was older than both Mattie and Brandon. However, she had the same cancer diagnosis as Mattie, and she quickly became a beautiful friend and mentor to Mattie. She normalized limb salvaging surgery for him and I will never forget her taking off her prosthetic leg and showing it to Mattie. I do not know where we would have been without these two amazing friends and it saddens me that both Mattie and Jocelyn lost their lives to Osteosarcoma. 

Quote of the day: In every friendship hearts grow and entwine themselves together, so that the two hearts seem to make only one heart with only a common thought. That is why separation is so painful; it is not so much two hearts separating, but one being torn asunder. ~ Fulton J. Sheen

I have no idea where today went. I was jumping from one task and demand to the next. It is now 6:30pm and I know I have to move away from the computer immediately as I am still fighting off a horrific migraine. Before I become unable to function, I now know when I have to stop and drop everything. So hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. 

Thursday, June 25, 2026

Thursday, June 25, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2008. Next to Mattie was Charlotte. Mattie met Charlotte on his first day of kindergarten, and they became instant friends. In fact, if you asked Mattie, he would tell you that Charlotte was his girlfriend and he was going to marry her in the future. That particular day, we took Mattie and Charlotte to the canals in Georgetown and they went on a ride through the canal, on a boat pulled by mules. I captured this photo of the duo. Mattie was super happy to be with Charlotte, to have completed kindergarten, and to start summer vacation. Little did we know that a month later Mattie was going to be diagnosed with cancer.  

Quote of the day: You don't know when you're twenty-three. You don't know what it really means to crawl into someone else's life and stay there. You can't see all the ways you're going to get tangled, how you're going to bond skin to skin. How the idea of separating will feel in five years, in ten - in fifteen. When Georgie thought about divorce now, she imagined lying side by side with Neal on two operating tables while a team of doctors tried to unthread their vascular systems. She didn't know at twenty-three. ~ Rainbow Rowell

I think everything about life hit me last night. Most of my days look like I am jumping from one thing to another, and another, and another. By the time I had to make dinner last night, I just couldn't. A migraine was coming on, I was nauseous, lightheaded, and couldn't function. Of course, exercising right before I had to make dinner, wasn't a good plan, because I was already tired.

I can't tell you how many different medications I took last night, in order to just make my parents something to eat and then to clean up the dishes. I couldn't handle smelling food, so I literally took out the waffle maker, and whipped together a batter. I was gifted this waffle maker years ago by my former in-laws. I can't tell you how many waffles I made for Mattie over the years. He loved them. Even Sunny loved waffles.  

I attempted to eat a waffle last night, and I knew I had to stop immediately. No food would go down. After I cleaned up the dishes, I went to my room. I put an ice pack on my head and tried to regroup before I had to take my dad upstairs for bed. 

What I learned last night is my mom truly has no idea how to manage my dad or take care of his needs. She doesn't know how to change him, doesn't get the process, and of course my dad can't even tell her. So as sick as I was, I did his bathroom routine, changed his wound care, got him upstairs, and into bed. Getting my dad into bed is NOT an easy process either, as my dad can no longer lift his legs into bed, and he can't prop his head up. So literally I have to lift his legs into bed, and then quickly jump on the bed, stand up behind him and push his back forward to tuck pillows behind him. Then of course, I have pillow wedges everywhere... behind him, under his knees, under his arms, and a bed rail. 

By the time I got into bed, I was so ill. I didn't know if I could fall asleep. Thanks to migraine medications, I did! I woke up this morning at 6am, with a violent headache, but I wasn't nauseous or lightheaded, so this is how I started the day. I have learned throughout all these years to push through pain, but I didn't exercise today because I was strung out with non-stop mortgage assumption demands and Foundation administrative issues. Due to my dad's dementia, he really kept no usable files of financial documents for me to turn to, so any time I need to verify something, I have to call the company in question. I am beyond frustrated and each day the mortgage company has additional hurdles for me to jump through. May tomorrow be a more stable day.

Wednesday, June 24, 2026

Wednesday, June 24, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2008. I remember this moment in time like it were yesterday. It was Mattie's end of the year kindergarten party. It was held at a local park, and I volunteered that day to help the teachers and to run games. I was lucky enough to snap this photo of Mattie with his two best kindergarten buddies.... Charlotte and Campbell. Charlotte was convinced that all three of them were going to go to college together. Such a lovely thought, and at that moment in time, I had NO IDEA that this was going to be our first and last "end of school party."

Quote of the day: You asked why I couldn't forgive you," Nick said, very quietly, and I jumped a little. "It was because you were the love of my life, Harper. And you didn't want to be. That's hard to let go.” ~ Kristan Higgins

If you ask me what I am doing each day of the week, you will find that it is pretty consistent. I do the same thing on Mondays, the same thing on Tuesdays..... well you get the picture. I have shut out the world, because I do not feel like the world understands me. This is not an unusual reaction to anyone who has been traumatized and is traumatized. The only way we can survive is routine, consistency, and retreating to protect one's self. I have three strikes against me..... I lost a child to cancer, I am unexpectedly divorced after a long term marriage, and I am the full time caregiver of my parents. Any one of these things makes me stick out, all three of these is like the horrific trifecta. 

But today, my friend in childhood cancer, Ilona, asked to meet for lunch. So my mom and I met Ilona for lunch. We had good conversation, shared updates, and had tasty treats. Look at this counter of pastries!!!!! 

It was nice to do something outside of the routine, but that said, I just feel so different. My friends are retiring and they are looking forward to their next chapter. For me, I have no one to spend my next chapter with, my other half is gone, the person who I thought was always going to be there for me and the person who held Mattie memories with me. So to me, I see no future whatsoever. 

Last night, we watched another episode of When Calls the Heart. Brooke Shields is in this series and plays the role of a bereaved mother, as her son (a Mountie) died in a training activity. In this particular scene, she was talking to her daughter-in-law. Brooke Shields' character received a drawing from her grandson (you can see it by her hands). The drawing shows her ALONE on an deserted island. Her grandson views her as a strong person, who doesn't need anyone. Of course this is the perspective of a young child who doesn't quite understand profound loss and bereavement. But Brooke Shields' character last night could have been talking about me! I truly was glued to her every word as she was talking to her daughter-in-law, because she described the ramifications of child loss..... you become an island. An island both self imposed and imposed on you by others. 

Tuesday, June 23, 2026

Tuesday, June 23, 2026 -- Mattie died 851 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2008. That weekend, we met up with Mattie's kindergarten buddy, Campbell, and we attended the Cardboard Boat Regatta. I can't tell you how much fun this was to see small boats made out of cardboard boxes and teams competing to see if their boats would float and win the race. Literally this was right up Mattie's alley, and his hope was to one day be on a team and create his own boat. Of course that day never came. A month later, Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. After the races, Mattie and Campbell were playing by the water, and as you can see, Mattie was checking out how a soda can could float in the water!

Quote of the day: It is better to lock up your heart with a merciless padlock than to fall in love with someone who doesn't know what they mean to you. ~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Today was quite a depressing weather day. Gray, dark, pouring rain, and damp. Typically I do not let weather stop me, but today, it was relentless. So I never took my parents out. This makes for a very long day at home. We had visits from my dad's physical therapist and the nurse. My dad worked with the therapist for an hour, within an hour's time, I had to take him to the bathroom and change him twice. Though I am not reporting on bathroom issues as much on the blog, I assure you that my life hasn't gotten any easier in that department. It starts from the moment my dad wakes up and continues throughout the day. Most of his doctors and people who meet him, look at my dad and as always see him wearing clean clothes, being physically clean, nails trimmed, and hair cut. I am not sure where these people are at, but I assure you most of them do not understand that I manage all of these things daily. Case in point, the last time I saw my dad's primary care doctor, he counseled me that things would get worse, in which I would have to shower my dad, dress, and toilet him. I literally laughed out loud and said to the doctor...... what do you think I am doing now? CLUELESS. 

Thankfully during the winter, I make all sorts of homemade soups and then store them in the freezer. Out came the turkey soup today and it made for a great lunch. After which, I returned to the computer to finish an ethics classes I have been taking for my license renewal next year. I finished it today, and got three more hours of continuing education done. Doesn't sound like a lot, but with my schedule, completing any hour is a WIN! 

I am now on an exercise routine too. I am getting my cholesterol levels checked again at the end of July, and I want to see if a month's worth of exercise makes any difference. So I started back up again on Saturday, and have do 30 minutes of walking on the treadmill and step climbing daily. With the Foundation's Walk behind me, and as much of the mortgage assumption paperwork behind me, I am trying to commit to focusing on my own health. Or that is at least today's thinking. The doctor seems to think aerobic/cardio exercising will help my mood and give me an outlet to expend anxious energy that is monumental from my divorce. It is too early to tell whether I feel a difference, but I will keep at it and see. 

Monday, June 22, 2026

Monday, June 22, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2008. It is hard to believe that a month after this happy photo, Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. That weekend, we took Mattie on a canoe ride along the Potomac River. This was a frequent occurrence for Mattie, but typically I wasn't included on those trips. That day, I was asked to come along, and naturally I did! As you can see, Mattie was smiling, and he was excited to show me his skills on the canoe and all the things he saw along the shoreline! Priceless moments. 

Quote of the day: The snag about marriage is, it isn’t worth the divorce. ~ Suzanne Finnamore

This morning after dropping my dad off at his memory care center, I drove to an outpatient infusion center to get my six month dosage of Prolia (for osteoporosis). I can't tell you what hurdles I need to jump through every six months to get my insurer to cover this medication. My mom gets the same drug, but Medicare makes it super easy. 

Over the last two months, my preauthorization for Prolia was denied. The insurer basically said, I had to take the generic equivalent. My doctor assured me that would be fine. So today, I was set to get the generic. When I arrived at the center, they were going to give me Prolia. I literally flipped out, because if I get a shot of Prolia, that is not authorized, I will be paying close to $2,000 out of pocket. No thank you! Any case, the nurse at this center was just lovely. We literally combed through my Cigna portal and she contacted her billing office. Turns out, that my insurer changed their minds at the last minute and did provide me a preauthorization for Prolia. Seriously, everything is a crisis. 

Before the nurse gave me Prolia, she wanted to take my blood pressure. Given how worked up I was, she was concerned my pressure would be high. Nope! My blood pressure was low. She was stunned. Any case, who would guess that sitting in an infusion chair could be a break, could be relaxing? Well for me it is! It is a few minutes in which I am sitting still, I am not addressing problems, issues, or caregiving. The infusion center has a TV screen with piped in images of nature and animals. I literally was staring at that screen for ten minutes, and at one point I closed my eyes. It was the most peace I had all day. 

It was in that moment of time, I did not think about my divorce, my 35 year relationship, the child we had together, the Foundation we built together, or the sheer chaos my life has been since 2023. It is unfortunate however, that this peace never lasts long. Because as soon as I walked out the door of the infusion center, reality hits...... responsibilities pile up, and the emotional pain and toll of a devastating divorce greet me once again. 

Sunday, June 21, 2026

Sunday, June 21, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken on Father's Day of 2007. Mattie was five years old and that day we decided to take our first DC Ducks tour as a family. This tour bus was right up Mattie's alley because it was an open air bus that could drive on pavement but when it got into water, it converted into a boat. As Mattie was into vehicles, I can't tell you the level of excitement over this bus/boat! In addition, the tour guide gave us all a yellow whistle in the shape of a duck's bill. When you blew it, it sounded like a duck call. That was our first and last duck boat ride, but a moment in time that I will never forget. I have now lost both my son and his father. 

Quote of the day: It's only when you grow up and step back from him — or leave him for your own home — it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it. ~ Margaret Truman

This morning I was listening to the radio while getting ready for the day. Being Father's Day, they played Thomas Rhett's song, Things Dads Do. I attached it below if you have never heard it. It is a beautiful tribute to a loving dad. Like so many holidays, I am very cognizant that Father's Day is not always a happy day for some. Perhaps your father died, or your father was not involved in your life, or you never knew your father. I am sure there are many other reasons why this could be a painful day for so many. What I am quite certain though, is Hallmark doesn't have a father's day card that covers the devastation of my life. 

While listening to Thomas Rhett's song, it pulled me for a moment out of my sea of sadness, and it reminded me that I am lucky to have my parents. My dad's life is to be celebrated, because my dad has always been a solid, unwaveringly, and committed family man. There was NEVER a doubt where his priority and allegiances were and as I told him today he is a rare gem in a complex world. 

Thomas Rhett's......Things Dads Do

This morning my dad got cards and gifts! No matter how old he is, he still LOVES gifts!

We took my dad out for an early dinner. Cheryl, our server, surprised my dad with chocolate chip cookies and a card. We have known Cheryl since 2021, when my parents moved to Virginia. She has been on our journey over the last five years and she always gives us gifts on birthdays and holidays! 

Saturday, June 20, 2026

Saturday, June 20, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007, during our trip to Dutch Wonderland. I learned about this theme park, that is geared to younger children, from Mattie's preschool friends. It truly was a fun moment in time, and I will never forget that at this park Mattie experienced his first roller coaster ride. I do not like movement and I have never been on a roller coaster in my life! In this regard, Mattie was NOTHING like me. He loved his first roller coaster ride, and went on it multiple times! He was a little fellow who was open to all adventures and as tomorrow is Father's Day, I can't help but reflect on the massive losses in my life.

Quote of the day: There is no such thing as a ‘broken family.’ Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you. ~ C. Joybell 

This morning my dad had a physical therapy session. We haven't seen this therapist in a month. I needed to take a break from Saturday morning sessions because I have been just too strung out with the mortgage assumption and daily life and routines. Most days, I wake up around 6am. Even on Saturdays when my dad has a therapy session. In May, I decided I couldn't handle having to feel stressed out on Saturday mornings juggling the shower and bathroom routine with my dad. But now that we are in June, I decided to resume his sessions because it is in his best interest. Today the therapist shared with me that she got engaged. We admired her engagement ring and like me she knows the person she is marrying for many, many years. She then talked with me about a wedding. She has decided she doesn't want a formal wedding. Instead, she is having a gathering in a park, with food, music, and all sorts of games. She wanted to know what I thought of that. My reaction was..... that is brilliant. Having had a big wedding, I would now say, FORGET IT! It is a total waste of money. Save the money, apply it to your future, and do what is meaningful to you!

Once I lost Mattie, my feelings changed completely about seeing pregnant woman and seeing babies. As sad as it sounds, I look at all pregnancies as a chance to face childhood cancer. Certainly childhood cancer is rare, but it isn't rare when it impacts and devastates your life. This sadness now translates to engagements, weddings, and marriage. I am Catholic, and as such marriage is one of the 7 sacraments. Since my marriage has not been annulled by the church, in my mind I honor the sacrament. But that said, my whole opinion on marriage has been tarnished. I see absolutely no point in this type of union, because what I have learned is nothing is forever. 

Back to my dad..... the therapist and I tried an experiment today. We had my dad do his hour long therapy session outside. Our driveway is completely shaded, thanks to several trees. Here is what we concluded. My dad responds to movement much better when he is outside! When he is in the house, the only thing he wants to do is head for his chair! 

Later this afternoon, I went back in my garden to feed the roses and pull weeds. This is how you enter my garden! You truly do not expect this until you come through the gate. One of my neighbors recently told me that I don't have an ordinary garden, but a botanical garden. I take pride in my garden and work hard throughout the summer to keep it thriving. It is my therapy!

The two brown pots are baby oak trees. We took acorns from the oak tree near our apartment in Washington, DC. When we moved into this house in 2021, we planted the acorns. That oak tree in Washington, DC supplied countless oak leaves for Mattie's tent moth caterpillars every spring. Now I have mini trees in the backyard, as a tribute to Mattie. In between the oak trees is a pink hydrangea, which I gave to my mom for Mother's day!

There are four large pots in the backyard filled with roses. These roses are MUCH, MUCH harder to maintain. Roses in the ground are much easier. In pots they get buggy and you really have to keep feeding and spraying them to get them to thrive. My other half planted roses in these pots and I am trying to keep the tradition going. 

I spent hours weeding today. Every flower bed gets covered in weeds. I have to do this practically weekly. 

When we bought this house, both the flower bed pictured above and this one were a mess. There was no rhyme or reason to either of them. I suggested we plant roses and they are thriving in both places. A friend gave me iris bulbs and they seem to love this spot too. Years ago my former mother-in-law gave me the metal sunflower and birdfeeders you see here. I now get daily visits from gold finches at these feeders! 

Getting a feeling for the amount of weeding I have done this weekend?