Friday, November 1, 2024Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2002. Mattie was seven months old. I started Mattie on books very early, practically the moment he was born. He heard me reading stories. As you can see, Mattie was fascinated by the pictures and colors. I was fascinated by him and loved those sweet cheeks!
Quote of the day:
Sadness came to tea last night
as she’s often done before
but I didn’t let her in this time
I stopped her at the door
“I’m off to meet with friends”, I said
“your timing isn’t right
I can’t allow your atmosphere
it’s not the place tonight”
but sadness wouldn’t take the hint
her manners lack finesse
her pace was slow and heavy
yet she kept up nonetheless
and even when I took my place
amongst my laughing friends
she squeezed herself right in-between
her boldness never ends
and I was sure my friends would see
this spectre at the feast
and somehow think me lesser
for inviting such a beast
but no, their warmth was undeterred
as if nothing was new
I think perhaps they know by now
I sometimes come as two
and even sadness seemed to glow
a lighter shade of grey
to know that she’s accepted
seemed to lighten up her day
so let your sad accompany you
don’t think her hard to bear
no need to face her all alone
just pull an extra chair. ~ Donna Ashworth
I want to thank Chris for sending me tonight's quote! We are blog friends and are bonded over the loss of our children. This is a fascinating poem because it describes the weight and heaviness of living with sadness. As it aptly highlights, loss and sadness walk with us, or as she says.... I sometimes come as two.
We may try to hide this pain and this sadness, but unfortunately like a bad penny.... it is always in circulation. It truly becomes hard to function in the world around people we deem as "normal." People who are living life without pain, loss, and trauma. I give the poem author credit, because she tries to go out and interact with others, and therefore feels that her friends not only can handle her sadness, but are ready to pull up an extra chair because they know sadness is a part of their friend.
Yesterday I found out that I was divorced! I learned this from my attorney, who apparently learned this from Peter's attorney. It is an interesting way of finding out that your life has been changed for you.... through an email! I had no idea that a final order of divorce was written, processed, and finalized. Last I knew, our two complaints for divorce were going to be consolidated today in court. So you can imagine my surprise, that not only had that happened already, but I was divorced. Seems fitting, given how this whole process has unfolded.
Getting divorced on Halloween seems perfect! In my house there is no time for a pity party. There is no time to process and feel anything, because I am inundated with tasks. Being that it was Halloween last night and it was a glorious weather evening, I opened our front door, had my mom sit by the door, and we greeted every trick or treater. We did this for about two hours.
We met many lovely kids of all ages. Each one greeted us and don't you know it.... I took a poll on favorite candies. To my surprise, it was candy corn and lollipops! STUNNED! One kid was so excited that we had little bags of candy corn, he was practically dancing!!!!
Miss Indie was intrigued! She stood by the door with us and was checking out all the action. Highly unusual for Indie, who is typically afraid of her own shadow. Most likely she loved the front door being open, smelling the breezes, and if left unchecked, would have escaped outside. See these two orange costumes!? I called these kids, the two carrots! This one was hysterical... a scorpion!
We had three kids dressed up as bananas! Never saw a banana costume before! Any case, all of these kids were a major diversion last night from how I was feeling.
This morning, after I dropped my dad off at his memory care center, I had to take Indie to the vet for her annual physical. It is hard to believe that I did this last November, and a year has already passed. Not sure how that has happened, but I do know it has been a complete blur. Peter typically handled Indie's vet appointments and since she was "his cat," they were the two who were bonded with each other. I assembled Indie's cat box a few days ago and hid it in my closet, up on a shelf. If she sees this box, she gets anxious. I planned everything accordingly this morning, so it was easy for me to pick her up and put in the carrying box. Indie wasn't happy, but she was a good girl. She did not fight me like Patches (our former cat) would most definitely had done.
But here's the kicker. When I got to the clinic and in an exam room, both the tech and the vet said to me.... YOUR CAT LOVES YOU! I am not sure why that surprised me! Maybe because I viewed Sunny as my guy and Indie as Peter's. But with Peter gone, Indie relies on me for everything. Smart girl! The vet says that it is unusual for a cat to purr while being examined. But she was purring loudly, while I was petting her. Any case, Miss Indie got a clean bill of health, got her nails trimmed, and even pooped on the vet (yes, a first for the vet).
As most people know, I rarely do much socially now. I just can't handle it. But one of my favorite students was in town and my mom and I went out to lunch with Ariel. Ariel is a pediatric nurse and I have always been so proud of her career decision and accomplishments.
The last time I saw Ariel was in 2009, when Mattie died. Yet we have never lost touch with each other and I credit that greatly to Ariel. She brought us this beautiful chocolate babka from New York City and she treated us to lunch. Such a special person and I take this as a great compliment as an educator to have this long standing connection.
Close up of the babka! It is so light and tasty, we all loved it tonight after dinner.