Thursday, November 12, 2026

Thursday, November 12, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007. As we did most weekends, we went to Roosevelt Island. It was a special place that was practically in our backyard in Washington, DC. We traversed the Island during all seasons. Mattie loved it, and I loved watching Mattie explore and have an outdoor adventure. Since we moved to Virginia in 2021, I have yet to be back to the Island. The Island holds memories of the three of us together and then when Mattie died, the two of us would walk the Island to feel a closeness to Mattie. When Sunny came along, we introduced him to the Island too and naturally he took to it like a duck to water.  If only I could turn back the hands of time.

Quote of the day: Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect. ~ Margaret Mitchell

It is 9:15pm, and it has not been a good day. My dad had numerous irritable bowel accidents today. Each one worse than the other. I went through four pairs of pants today, and was doing countless loads of laundry. He did have a physical therapy session, and after he rested for about two hours, I then took my parents out to lunch. Before getting my dad in the car, I changed him completely. I got them into the restaurant, and within five minutes of sitting down, I had to take my dad to the bathroom again. The clean up was over the top. I was gone from the table a long time. While I was in the bathroom, our regular server, Tammy, and her manager were observing what I was dealing with, as I am sure the average customer of theirs do not handle what I do! Literally when I came back to the table, Tammy said to me that I am angel. An angel that is getting beaten down with each and every day. Later on Tammy's manager, Kenneth, came over to me and said that he was gifting me an entire cheesecake to take home. He wanted me to know that he thinks I am a very unique and special woman.

Though I could probably eat an entire cheesecake myself, I am gifting it to my dad's memory care center tomorrow. I figure the staff will enjoy this treat on a Friday. Needless to say, tonight I am distraught. If that wasn't bad enough, my Foundation email has been down all day due to the nationwide Microsoft outage and don't get me started on my shared drive. It removed all my files today. This is a system my other half established for us years ago, but now the system is acting buggy. The problem is the Foundation has big, big files and saving them on the cloud would be costly. So I have got to figure this out. One good thing is I bought an external drive a year or so ago, and thankfully I have back up photos and Foundation files on it, because I can't keep dealing with this stress. If I lost Mattie photos and Foundation files altogether, I literally would jump out the window.

Wednesday, November 11, 2026

Wednesday, November 11, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007. It was Veteran's Day and we walked from our apartment down to the National Mall to see the parade. I snapped this photo of Mattie on Constitution Avenue. Mattie wasn't in love with loud noises and crowds, so I remember we did not stay long, but I wanted him to understand the importance of the day. 

Quote of the day: America’s veterans have served their country with the belief that democracy and freedom are ideals to be upheld around the world. ~  John Doolittle

Yesterday, my dad came home with this certificate of appreciation from his memory care center. My dad was a surgical nurse in the army reserves. Something he is very proud of..... I love when he regales the story of him volunteering one day during a training exercise. He had no idea what he was volunteering for, until they strapped him underneath a helicopter and then the helicopter took off and was flying. My dad is a risk averse person, so you can imagine how terrified he was at that moment. When he got back down on the ground, he vowed he would never volunteer for something again! 

On this Veteran's Day, I remember all the veteran's who served and those who died. Their courage and bravery is both awesome and inspiring. 

Did you know that the red poppy is a symbol of remembrance for military service and sacrifice, inspired by World War I?

The poppy symbol grew out of the World War I poem "In Flanders Fields" by Canadian Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, who noted how red poppies bloomed across soldier graves in battle-torn fields. 

My morning began with phone calls from doctor offices wanting to reschedule appointments for my parents and then I received a call from Bruce, my refrigerator repair person. Bruce visited yesterday and wrote down diagnosis codes. Who knew a refrigerator control panel gave off diagnostic codes! Our world is one big computer. Any case, he called Thermador today and they diagnosed the problem. There are a list of problems with the freezer, but we are first going to address the seal issue, which requires freon. Hopefully new freon will correct the problem so that I can work on changing the evaporator, the door mechanism, and the ice maker. But ironically, I have to think about this, because by the time I am done, I probably could purchase a new refrigerator for the same ridiculous price. I absolutely hate making these decisions alone. I know you are tired of hearing this, as I am tired of saying it..... but I did not sign up to be single and balancing the impossible alone. 

It was a day of non-stop irritable bowel issues with my dad. By round four, I had to go outside and regroup. I trimmed one of my crape myrtles and a rhododendron bush. I then collected all my garden hoses and put them in the garage for the winter. Thank goodness for Cody, my plumber. Yesterday, he drained all my hose bibs for the winter and then went around to every hose and disconnected it from the hose bib. That may not sound like a big issue, but it is! Last year, I had to take WD 40 and a wrench to one of the hose bibs. This year, I had do to nothing, as Cody did the hard work for me. Seriously when I saw the hoses disconnected today, I felt like I won the lottery. I am not used to someone helping me, I forgot what that looked and felt like. 

I am slowly making progress outside, as I am trying to get the garden ready for the winter. I have a few more things to do, but the majority of it is done! That is a good feeling on one hand, and a sad feeling on the other, as I love being outside and nurturing my garden. 

Tuesday, November 10, 2026

Tuesday, November 10, 2026 -- Mattie died 871 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2005. Mattie was three years old. That weekend we took him to the National Geographic Museum. Ironically that was my first and last trip to that Museum. As a parent you always think you will have many more visits to a particular place. More time to make memories, to explore and have adventures! But what if tomorrow never comes? I know that all too well. Which is why I am glad I tried to do as much as possible with Mattie from day one, and photograph everything! I absolutely love this photo that I took of Mattie with a bronze statue of the primate right outside the entrance of the museum. To me it will always be priceless. 

Quote of the day: I’d always secretly believed that a love as fierce and true as mine would be rewarded in the end, and now I was being forced to accept the bitter truth. ~ Alma Katsu

If I had to describe today, I would say it was truly ridiculous. I had both the plumber and a refrigerator repair person here! I thought my plumber would be here for about two hours. NOPE! He was with us from 10am to 2pm. Then while dealing with the plumber, I got a call from the refrigerator repair person saying that he was going to come after 3pm. Keep in mind that through this I am managing my mom, who at 1pm, wants to go out and get tea and snacks. I felt like I was on a treadmill, while also being cognizant that I had to pick my dad up from his memory care center before 5pm. It is 6:15pm, and I am so strung out and still need to cook dinner. The latest shock is that I may have to purchase a new refrigerator for the kitchen. Currently my freezer isn't working and I have moved everything out of the kitchen freezer, to the freezer I have in the garage. The repair person is supposed to call me tomorrow, with options such as replacing the Freon to see if that makes a difference. I want to know when I am going to get a break? Everyday is something, and everyday as something arises, I want to scream that I am left alone to deal with all of this, with never a thought about me, my health, or my welfare. I went from 35 years of being someone's everything to being NOTHING. As if I never existed. 

Monday, November 9, 2026

Monday, November 9, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2005. Mattie was three years old and that afternoon he was doing what he loved to do... paint with his feet! Mattie always thought and worked outside the box! The notion of me putting my feet in paint and then painting with them would never cross my mind. Or let's put it this way, it may cross my mind, but even as a kid the notion of getting my feet dirty in this way, was a turn off. But I learned to go with Mattie's choices! What was fascinating about all of this was Mattie made some wonderful creations with this feet and he just understood that he had to keep his feet on the paper! When Mattie was done painting, he would lift his arms up in air, which meant.... I am ready to be carried to the kitchen to get cleaned up! Loved that smile. 

Quote of the day: Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option. ~ Maya Angelou

This morning I woke up, went downstairs to feed Indie, and I heard something beeping! Some days, all I can say is..... Dear God, give me strength! Of course with Indie meowing at me, I couldn't pinpoint where the sound was coming from, so I fed her first and then started my walk around. It turns out it was coming from my refrigerator. I opened up the refrigerator door and I could see a warning that the freezer was a higher temperature than it should be. I saw this warning on Saturday too, but I thought perhaps I didn't close the door appropriately overnight. That wouldn't explain today's warning sound. So at 7am, I called my Thermador repair guy. Bruce has helped me before with both the refrigerator and stove. 

Now picture a tired Vicki, blurry eyed, and trying to understand what Bruce was saying to me. He wanted me to shut off the circuit breaker to the refrigerator. Seriously if you saw my circuit breakers you would cry! Even my electrician hates dealing with it, because things are NOT appropriately labeled (thanks to the previous owner)! Any case, Bruce suggested turning one thing off at a time to see if it shut off the refrigerator. I literally thought he was going to say.... hey lady I don't have time for this! He didn't! He stayed with me as I turned every circuit breaker off. The breakers are in the garage, so I was going in and out of the house. Fortunately I deduced which breaker it could be, and I got it on the third try! That alone was a miracle! So the electricity was off to the refrigerator for two minutes and then he had me turn it back on. He is hoping that will reset the system, and he will call me later in the week to see if he needs to do a service call. As usual, it is another ball in the air to juggle here. Our lives are run by technology and each of these devices is way too sensitive. 

Tomorrow is another early morning, as Cody, my plumber is coming back. I had him do some repairs last month, he's doing more tomorrow, and the remainder in the spring. It is so costly that I have to break up the work. Thankfully all my service guys know what I am up against, and they all try to work within my budget. But when I am overwhelmed with house stuff, Foundation work, and caregiving, I can't help but want to scream. No one should be doing this alone, much less someone who was in a very long term relationship. I never saw my life going this way. 

Sunday, November 8, 2026

Sunday, November 8, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007. Mattie was five years old and that weekend, we went for a family walk on Roosevelt Island. The Island was about a five minute drive from where we lived and it was the best nature preserve to have in one's backyard. We loved traversing it during all the seasons. That day, Mattie found this big green orb on the Island. We later learned that it was a crinkly hedge apple, from an Osage Orange Tree. It was just sitting on the ground, and because it fascinated us, Mattie naturally took it home. When we got home, we cut it open, examined it, and we concluded it had a lovely citrus fragrance. But the outside of the fruit, looks like a human brain! I will never forget our walks together and since I moved to our house, I have never visited Roosevelt Island again. 

Quote of the day: Strong people alone know how to organize their suffering so as to bear only the most necessary pain. ~ Emil Dorian

I was so exhausted last night, that I got into bed, fell asleep in an upright position and never moved the entire night. I literally woke up with the TV on and with a headache. Then I looked at my phone and I could see I was getting alerts about low batteries in my smoke and heat detectors in the house. My faithful readers will remember that a few weeks ago, I was awakened at a horrible hour to a high pitched chirping sound. The smoke and heat detectors outside my bedroom door were reporting low batteries then and to me that sound could wake the dead, but my parents never heard it! Lucky them!

Any case, I never heard the chirping sound from the first floor last night. I slept right through it. But once I saw the warning message, I jumped out of bed, dealt with Indie first, and then went through the process of getting out the tall ladder from the garage, and changing batteries. I decided to change all the batteries on the other heat and smoke detectors, because I figured they were due to go off soon too. Thankfully I knew what to do today, given my experience with the problem several weeks ago. But of course, my first thought this morning was..... when will I have an incident free day? A day when my head and eyes do not feel like they are going to jump out of my head?

This afternoon, I took my parents out to brunch. In so many ways, my life is like the 1993 movie, Groundhog Day, and just like the main character, I am trapped in a time loop. A loop in which everyday is the same, regardless of the season, day of the week, or year! It is truly very sobering and it would be a lot easier if I had my other half with me, to help share the load, and to normalize a very difficult situation. While out at brunch, as usual, my dad was in a fog, and my mom was glued to her phone, and there I sat. My mom started discussing my divorce, and of course my dad just looked at us. He can't believe what has happened to me, so instead, he thinks my other half is away on business. Funny, as this would therefore be the non-ending three year long business trip! On this front, I would love to be my dad for a day, oblivious to what I have and continue to endure.  

I can't think of a better or more cruel way to hurt me...... leaving me with 24/7 caregiving, a house to maintain, bills to pay, and a Foundation to run on my own. If Mattie were still alive today, I know I would have had a strong, loyal, bright, and fierce ally. 

Saturday, November 7, 2026

Saturday, November 7, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2008. Mattie was in the hospital recovering from his second limb salvaging surgery. His healthcare team wanted Mattie to exercise his lungs post surgery. The typical exercise of using a spirometer was NOT appealing to Mattie. So we found creative ways to exercise his lungs. A friend gave us this crazy straw that was connected to toy glasses. Mattie wouldn't try it, until I showed him how it worked. Once I did it, and he gauged my reaction, he then followed suit! I just love Mattie's expression and how he was checking that fluid was actually being sucked up into the straw!

Quote of the day: Life seems sometimes like nothing more than a series of losses, from beginning to end. That’s the given. How you respond to those losses, what you make of what’s left, that’s the part you have to make up as you go. ~ Katharine Weber

This morning, my dad had a physical therapy session. I have known Cassidy since 2022, when she started working with my dad in the hospital, post pacemaker placement. My dad had a hard recovery process back then and was in the hospital for three weeks. As I always say, Cassidy reminds me of me, when I was her age. I liked her immediately when I first met her. I like her energy and her honest approach to issues. 

Given that it was cooler temperatures today, yet the sun was out, I had my dad and Cassidy do his walking routine outside. My dad responds to fresh air and being outside is far better than trying to do a walking routine with him inside the house. When inside the house, he refuses to walk, and instead walks to every chair possible to try to sit down. Overall, I see a major decline in my dad both physically and cognitively. Ironically my dad's weekday therapist doesn't see what I do! But Cassidy does. We chatted about this today, and what I love about her, is she always makes time to check in with me. She maybe in her late twenties, but she gets how important my role is in this equation. 

Cassidy notices that she gives my dad direction or feedback and thirty seconds later, it goes right out of his head. As if he never heard it! I was expressing to Cassidy my frustration with my dad's participation in his memory care center. My dad will be at the center for about 6 hours, three times a week. When I pick my dad up, he has no idea what he did for 6 hours. NOTHING. When we ask what he loved about his day, his response is.... being picked up by us. On Friday I asked my dad if it bothers him that he doesn't remember anything about his day! His response was.... not at all! The only one bothered by this is me. Cassidy was telling me that she works with several patients in the hospital who have dementia. Apparently they are all like my dad. Part of me thinks this is just what happens in late stage dementia, a person can't recall anything, and truly isn't oriented to time, place, and person, therefore, there is nothing to worry and focus upon. I think that is a possibility, but another part is my dad's personality. He was never a person who loved conversation, interacting with people, or exploring the world around him. So to me it is a double pronged problem. Nonetheless, it frustrates me, as I am caring for someone who has no insights about what is happening from one moment to the next. It is upsetting, as are the multiple repetitive questions throughout the day. It is hard to describe unless you live with it 24/7. 

After Cassidy left, I took on some cleaning projects around the house and then at around 2pm, I took my parents to Dairy Queen. Typically we used to go to our local diner on Saturdays! I gave up with that restaurant because of poor food quality and cleanliness standards weren't up to par. I am awaiting the opening of a brand new restaurant in our area, and one of our favorite servers, Dawn, will be returning to work in this restaurant. Dawn is great with my dad, and this restaurant will be a welcomed addition from what I have been dealing with at the diner. 

While at Dairy Queen, I took out the game, Qwirkle! I was trying to keep my parents stimulated, engaged, and dialoguing. If I do not do this, then my dad sits in a fog, my mom is glued to her phone, and I am left there in essence......alone. 

Friday, November 6, 2026

Friday, November 6, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007. Mattie was five years old. That weekend, we did our usual walk and exploration of Roosevelt Island. You can see that I was carrying a big leaf home. This was one of Mattie's nature finds along our journey! Mattie never left the Island empty handed and in our commons area of our apartment, we had a collection of sticks, twigs, leaves, acorns, pinecones, and rocks!

Quote of the day: Few if any supportive rituals exist for people experiencing ambiguous loss. Their experience remains unverified by the community around them, so that there is little validation of what they are experiencing and feeling. ~ Pauline Boss

As it is Friday, I did my usual grocery shopping routine after I dropped my dad off at his memory care center. When I got home, I took on more chores and then went outside to throw out trash. While outside, I ran into two of my neighbors. If I got a dollar for every time I heard someone say to me that my life will get better and that I will fall in love again, I would be on the way to being a wealthy woman. But what this says to me is people just can't absorb my issues and grief. In their minds, I am divorced, I should be grateful, and therefore I have moved on. If it were only this simple! This reaction, reminds me of how people treated me after Mattie died. The thinking back then that was shared with me was if I had another child, this would ease the pain of losing Mattie. When you have had a significant loss, hearing others tell you to moving on, or to fill/replace the hole in your life, only tends to cause more emotional issues for the recipient. Given that I absorb a lot of commentary, it is no surprise that I elect to spend time alone.

This afternoon, I spent some time in the room that I use to stage our Mattie Miracle item drives. I separated all donations into three piles, for the three different hospitals we support. Mind you there is more still coming in, but this photo gives you some idea for how generous our supporters were this Fall! They make the Mattie Miracles possible and enable me to keep Mattie's legacy alive. When families can't leave their child's bedside in the hospital, our Snack & Item Carts come to the rescue! All I know is when Mattie was in treatment, if someone brought me a candy bar, I felt like I won the lottery. Life in a hospital is very much like living in any institution.... you are confined and you have a lack of freedom and choices. 

Thursday, November 5, 2026

Thursday, November 5, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2008. Mattie was in his fourth month of chemotherapy. That day we were in the outpatient clinic, by the art therapy table. Mattie's therapists printed out an image of a roach. Why? Well they knew that Mattie claimed to like roaches. Mainly because he knew they creeped me out. I do not think Mattie EVER saw a live roach. Any case, this print out served as a role model for the large roach he painted on a clinic ceiling tile with his therapists. Mattie just loved the whole project. That said, I am not sure other kids and families enjoyed seeing the roach on the ceiling as much as he did. 

Mattie's roach tile! It is hard to tell, but this tile was at least four feet in length!

Quote of the day: To see a Woman you love in Distress; to be unable to relieve her, and at the same Time to reflect that you have brought her into this Situation, is, perhaps, a Curse of which no Imagination can represent the Horrors to those who have not felt it. ~ Henry Fielding

My dad had a physical therapy session today. It was another glorious weather day, so fortunately he could do his session outside. I cleared the driveway of fallen leaves to make this possible. At 11:45am, I had a meeting, and I prepared the therapist and my mom for the fact that I would be gone from the house for 90 minutes. I never leave my mom alone with my dad, but today was an exception. 

When I returned home, I opened the garage door, and I was hit with a sickening smell before even getting in the house. Apparently my dad had an irritable bowel accident. My mom had no idea how to clean him, despite watching me for five years. What she did was she left the soiled depends on top of my washing machine. Not sealed in a bag, she did not think of throwing the soiled things outside in the garbage pail, or even out the door! I literally went from zero to 100 in about two seconds. I was absolutely livid as the house smelled like a crime scene. In addition, they were both sitting at the breakfast table in the kitchen, and my dad was slumped over the the chair, while she was playing around with her phone. My mom did not have the wherewithal to get my dad to his recliner, so for the 90 minutes that I was gone, he was sitting in a hard chair. 

I dropped everything when I got home, opened windows, my sliding door, sprayed Lysol, and completely changed him, soaked his clothes in white vinegar, and thoroughly cleaned the bathroom. As I told my mom today, it is very clear that I can not leave the house when my dad is home, because she isn't responsible enough to monitor and care for him. 

I have no life and no freedom. Which is a mixed blessing, because even if I had time... what would I do? My whole life, either died or walked out the door on me. It is very sobering. Today's episode however gave my mom first hand knowledge of what I contend with each and every day. As I face multiple bathroom incidents a day! I could describe it, but until you are faced with it, it is hard to do it justice.

Wednesday, November 4, 2026

Wednesday, November 4, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2008. Mattie had completed his second limb salvaging surgery. Which meant that two arms and a leg were operated on by that point. Which was why Mattie's left leg and foot, the only appendage that was cancer free, acted like an arm and hand! The left leg was given the name, Curious George. It was the perfect name for this leg and foot, because when nurses would come up to Mattie, he would use Curious George to explore their pockets. Truly Mattie was humorous and made the best out of such challenging situations. As you can see Mattie was using Curious George to operate the mouse on the computer. 

Quote of the day: It's so curious; One can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ~ Colette

Last night, I was cooking dinner and juggling multiple things, and my phone rang. It was my health insurance agent. I connected with her in June and she promised to call me back in October. October came and went, and I did not hear from her. So instead, I started doing my own homework on this health insurer's website, in order to pick a plan to start on January 1. Why do I have to do this? Because my current insurer is canceling all individual plans throughout the country on December 31. This of course has not made me happy, because I like my insurer, they have been very easy to work with, and I just went through this process in 2024, with my divorce. I just can't believe I am back to the drawing board at finding a health plan. 

Yesterday, I was about to sign the dotted line with the new health insurance plan that I put in my portal, but then I realized I had questions that only a HUMAN could answer. So I called the sales office, and they asked whether I was assigned an agent. I told him, YES but she isn't returning my calls or emails. So he recorded this feedback and sent an email to the agent, copying her supervisor. Which was why at 7pm, my phone rang! It was Pam.

It was not the best hour to talk to Pam, but I did pick up! Pam started to tell me that her insurance company doesn't cover my geographic location. I literally stopped her mid-talking and told her, she was wrong! I told her I went on-line, answered all the geography questions, and my city is part of their network. She kept saying no, I kept saying yes! I then told her she was plugging in the wrong address! Mind you, she lived in Thousand Oaks, CA. A place I know well! I knew more about where she lived, than she knew about me!

Any case, after we finished with the NO, YES game, she eventually understood that I was right. But she consulted her supervisor first! Bottom line, she doesn't understand why I am so anxious and proactive about seeking a plan now! She told me that I have until December to make this decision, otherwise, I will be paying for two health plans at the same time. I then explained to her that I am divorced, that I have been through a countless number of stressors, which I am still facing, and losing my health insurance is more than enough to push over my apple cart. She then asked me why I wasn't applying through the ACA marketplace! Great question, but do you know that you have to actually earn money, in order to qualify for insurance through the marketplace? So I had to explain my financial situation to her... divorced, no alimony, full time caregiver to two parents, and run a Foundation for 17 years, in which I do not take a salary! The more she learned about me, the more I could see she was connecting the dots to my very difficult situation. 

By the time I finished with Pam, she told me she wished more of her customers were like me. Because apparently most people wait until the 10th hour. NOT HAPPENING with my health insurance, given how expensive medicine and health crises are, there is NO WAY, I will risk not being covered for even a day. Any case, she will be calling me back after doing a little more investigation about my options. When I got off the phone with her, I felt OVERWHELMED. ANGRY, and very upset that I should be left dealing with all of this on my own. 

Then this morning, after dropping my dad off at his memory care center, the song, Religiously, came on the radio. If you haven't heard it, it is below. But it describes me, a person who loves religiously. Since Bailey Zimmerman is singing about it, there are clearly many others out there like me!

Tuesday, November 3, 2026

Tuesday, November 3, 2026 -- Mattie died 870 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2006. Mattie was four years old. That year, Mattie was a calico cat for Halloween. We created this costume together. Ironically, we assembled this costume in 2005, but unfortunately Mattie was hospitalized that Halloween with sepsis. So we saved the costume for 2006 (thanks to it being a sweatsuit material, it still fit him!). I will never forget October of 2005, I had taken Mattie to see his pediatrician, and I told her I felt Mattie had an ear infection. She dismissed me, thought I was an over anxious parent, and said his ears were fine. Not even 24 hours later, Mattie was running a high fever and vomiting profusely. We took him in through the emergency room. By that point, Mattie had sepsis and they determined the sepsis was from an ear infection. Mattie was admitted to the hospital and during his admission his pediatrician actually came to visit him in the hospital. She apologized to me, because basically she wasn't listening to me during the office visit. Needless to say, after that moment, whenever I came in reporting a health problem, I was taken seriously. 

Quote of the day: Grief is just love with no place to go. ~ Jamie Anderson

This morning, I had an appointment with my arborist. The house is surrounded by trees and they need constant grooming and maintenance. So literally we walked the property and we discussed tree limbs and other issues that could potentially be a problem as winter approaches. I also have my landscaping company blow leaves out of the gutters and roof line every November. I had a one page list of things I needed help with this Fall. I have known this person since 2021, when we moved into the house. I am so grateful that I always took an interest in getting to know each service provider for our home. I just did not turf it off to my other half. This was a blessing, because once I became separated, the relationship with all these men was already established. To me this is crucial, because I have to know I can trust that whatever is being told to me is accurate and that someone isn't trying to get me to pay for something I do not need. 

Since 2023, I have maintained this house alone. With each service provider, I have gotten to know about their interests and family. Literally it is like we pick up in conversation where we left off in the previous season. So many of my service providers tell me they can't understand why anyone would leave me, and today's visit I was reminded that I am an excellent listener and that I truly care about the lives of those I interact with. Needless to say that meant a lot to me.

My parents were very tired today. So before I took them out for frozen yogurt, I had them resting. While they were resting, I did some gardening and then sat outside on the porch with my kitty sidekick to return emails. Indie just LOVES outdoor time. I can still picture my other half sitting on this same couch with Indie. I am not sure my mind will ever accept that I am single. I lived more of my life married, then single. Therefore, getting divorced feels like someone severed off one of my limbs. Can I learn to live without this limb? Sure, these three years prove it. Do I like living without this limb? NO!