A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



April 1, 2025

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Tuesday, April 1, 2025 --- Mattie died 788 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken on Mattie's birth date...April 4, 2002. I think seeing the nurse's hand gives you some understanding for Mattie's size. What I love about this photo was despite the long birthing process, look how alert Mattie was!!! I love that he had one eye open and was taking it all in. 


Quote of the day: Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~ Voltaire


I woke up this morning to learn that my dad's dear friend in California died. He had been struggling with cancer. Though my dad is out of it, and has trouble remembering anyone, he has never forgotten his friend, John. I practically grew up with John. When I was in high school, John joined us every Friday night, when we went out as a family for pizza. So we have known each other for decades, and we celebrated many holidays together. I think it was frustrating for my dad, not being able to see John since he moved to Virginia. Tonight, when my dad asked how John was doing (a daily occurrence), I had to tell him that his friend died. It wasn't easy to do, but we shall see if he remembers this news. With my dad, I find that I relive each day and painful memories countless times. 

After I dropped my dad off at his memory care center today, I came home and called the Geek Squad. I have been told that all computers need monthly/bimonthly tune ups. Just to make sure there are no corrupt files, that new version of things can be uploaded, that security is being maintained, etc. Since this is the first tune up I ever did, I was a bit nervous. But they made it super easy and talked me through the process. At first I was juggling my mom's computer upstairs and mine on the first floor, but I eventually had to bring my mom's computer downstairs, because I was running up and down the stairs every two minutes. Any case, I checked another box..... computers have been tuned up!

Another wonderful surprise is when I wrote to my breast specialist's office over the weekend, they wrote me back and they offered to call my health insurer for a peer to peer consult, to advocate for my need to have a breast MRI. I did not even have to ask, they suggested this to me! Compared to dealing with my endocrinologist's office, who prescribes Prolia, this office is a night and day experience. My endocrinologist could learn a thing or two about patient centered care! As the Prolia saga continues! 

Last week, I started working with a professional power washer. I got to meet Nate, through my landscaper. Our outside patio has beautiful flagstone, but you would never know it because it had turned black. You can see the right side of the photo, this was how the whole patio looked. Versus the left, which was cleaned today! Nate thinks this stone hadn't been professionally cleaned in at least ten years. 

Note that I thought I could do this myself! I truly was thinking of taking this on, until my landscaper basically told me.... NO! He knew it would be too labor intensive for me and I wouldn't have access to professional grade equipment. He was absolutely correct, and I appreciate his honest help. 

Do you see how beautiful the stone is? I have never seen it looking this way, even when we bought the house in 2021.

The other project Nate has helped me with was with power washing, staining, and sealing our porch. This was another project I was going to take on myself, but once I realized I had no idea what I was doing, I decided I needed help. The last thing I want to do is ruin the wood! Once it is dry, I will snap a photo of it. 

Today, I had many down moments. Could it be knowing what has happened to my life, being divorced, Mattie's birthday is this week, or that I am caregiving around the clock? Maybe all of the above! I truly live each day perplexed and disillusioned. Normally I hate going to the mailbox, because I am greeted with bills. But today, this beautiful and heartfelt card was in the mail from my friend Jean. It brought a smile to my face, as does every comment, email, and text message I receive! 

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