"When your child is sick, you have tunnel vision." ~ Nick Cassavetes
There is something SO true about this quote. Peter and I live with this tunnel vision every day. We do have other obligations to fulfull in our lives and we do it, but the weight of Mattie's illness falls heavily upon us. It is amazing that Peter and I haven't become very ill ourselves from this superhuman stress. The irony is prior to Mattie's illness my area of research interest was caregivers. Particularly people caring for sick older family members. Not only do I know the caregiver literature inside and outside (thanks to my dissertation chair!) but I learned about caregiving and how to be a caregiver from the best caregivers out there, my mom and dad. My mom selflessly cared for my grandmother who suffered from a stroke for three straight years. The stroke left my grandmother very impaired physically (paralyzed) and psychologically, but my mom did not want to place my grandmother into a nursing home, so instead our home was transformed into a hospital and my mom became her nurse/caregiver. A major undertaking since my grandmother was very heavy to lift and she became a profoundly different person than the woman we knew and loved prior to the stroke. Seeing my mom work so hard as a caregiver day in and day out inspired me while I was in college. So much so, that by the time I got to graduate school, I knew what I wanted to research. Caregivers, and the impact such stress places on their bodies and minds. The ironic part is I always thought this first hand knowledge was imperative to the work I do in the field, but I never in my right mind thought I was going to have my own caregiving experience this young in my lifetime. For my family, seeing my grandmother so altered day by day was heartbreaking enough. But I am learning, you can't control what life throws at you, only how you deal with it.
There is a lot of caregiving research that was done in the 1990's that clearly illustrated that the immunity and health defenses of caregivers can be severely impaired because of the work they do each and every day. I saw this finding come to life when my own mother became hospitalized and gravely ill from her caregiving role. I know this is something she is trying to prevent from happening to me. As I am sick now and going on day three of bedrest, I can see that a simple bug that would usually wipe me out for a day or so prior to Mattie's illness is taking much longer for me to deal with. I am not a wallow in pitty sort of person, in fact, if you bumped into many of my students, they would tell you I have taught many a night while coughing and even with fevers. You think you are invincible sometimes, or that other things are so much more important than your health. Well how absolutely ridiculous is that? But what a way to learn such a powerful lesson. None of us are invincible, none of us are that important that we can't take a sick day, and I could go on, but you get the picture.
With me being ill, Mattie and is also having a slower day, because Peter needs to be around to take care of both of us. This morning Kathie, Mattie's occupational therapist, and really a family friend now, came over and worked with Mattie for over an hour. Mattie took to Kathie like a duck to water, there was no attitude, and he did not give her a hard time. Kathie came over with some therapeutic presents for Mattie. He continues to use his hands today to stack the jenga wooden blocks, and I can't wait to see what he does with the rubber pig! Thanks Kathie for the work you are doing with Mattie, and thank you for giving Peter the time to go out to the pharmacy for medications for me.
We want to thank Liza today from bringing over homemade chicken soup, homemade pumpkin bread, and pineapple for us today. The chicken soup was a real treat. Liza was our point person this afternoon, and despite having other obligations in the afternoon, she found the time to come and help us. It was greatly appreciated! Liza also dropped off a huge surprise to us. A framed photo of Mattie with the SSSAS football team. I took this photo back in the fall, but I have never seen it enlarged or signed by every player. We took a photo of this impressive poster sized photo, front and back. Thank you for this special treat. As all our readers know by now, I am extremely fond of the coaches of the team, and I can't thank Coach Dave enough for all his love and support for our family. Though I do not know the players themselves, I will always be impressed with how kind and gentle they were with Mattie when they met him several months back. This photo will be finding a special place in Mattie's room.
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