Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003. The reason I am showing you this picture, is because Mattie was not simply holding a flashlight and looking cute. At around one year of age, Mattie began taking things apart and then re-assembling them. This activity caught my attention, and I assumed perhaps all kids could do this, until I observed other children and realized Mattie was unique. He loved the challenge of taking everyday objects apart, but then would put them back together. He did this with flashlights, toy cars, pens, and so forth. So this picture shows the beginning of the taking apart process.  


Quote of the day: Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. ~ Mother Teresa

Tonight's quote resonates with me. I spent the day with my friend, Junko. Many of my faithful readers know that Junko is the friend who would visit me in the hospital, bring me lunch and an amazing chocolate surprise, and then would give me a massage. She did not do this only once, she did it each time she visited me, which was often. I recall while Junko was massaging my back or neck, hospital personnel would be passing by and observing. Those who knew me usually came in to acknowledge the great gift Junko was giving me. Living in the PICU was one stressful hour after another, and Junko seemed to deeply understand this and the ramifications of this stress on my body. Junko and I carry on our massage tradition, and periodically now we meet to go to a local spa for massages. Today was that day, a day we were both looking forward to, because it is during our times together we try to escape stress. 

I met Junko in the summer of 2007. Her son, Kazu, and Mattie were enrolled in their school's summer camp. Mattie was starting kindergarten in the fall of 2007, and my thinking was I wanted Mattie to get acclimated to the campus and perhaps meet a friend or two in camp who would be attending the school in the fall. Mattie and Kazu latched onto each other and developed their friendship in camp, a friendship that I imagine lingers in Kazu's mind and heart even today. When school started in the fall of 2007, Junko and I would see each other weekly in chapel. Every Tuesday (a rather ironic day if you ask me), Junko and I would sit side by side as we watched and participated in the lower school's chapel day. I asked Junko about chapel today, and what I found out is since Mattie died, she hasn't returned to chapel. She doesn't have the heart to do this activity without me and Mattie being there. I was deeply touched by what Junko was telling me. She wasn't telling me this to feel good or bad, she was telling me this because this is honestly how she feels. In fact, like Mother Teresa's quote points out, many of the things Junko said to me today will remain or echo in my mind. 

I typically do not cry in front of people. Well sometimes the moment moves me and I can't control it, but for the most part, I only cry with certain people. Junko is a friend I feel comfortable crying with, there maybe many reasons for this, such as she isn't uncomfortable with this expression of emotion, and typically we are crying together. It is hard for both of us to understand why Mattie isn't here, why he isn't in fourth grade like his friends, and why I was robbed of this chance to see him grow, mature, and be happy. I so appreciate Junko's willingness to feel these things with me and to truly try to understand how this devastation affects Peter and I on a daily basis. Junko doesn't give me platitudes, nor does she try to belittle the feelings regardless of the amount of time that continues to pass. So though we both had a massage, which is a treat, the true treat for me was connecting with my friend and being real. 

However, lunch for us was NOT boring! Why? Because sitting four feet from us at the next table was Clint Eastwood. We both recognized him immediately. He sat next to us for over an hour, and frankly it was tempting to want to get out my camera and ask for an autograph, but Junko and I both respect other people's personal space, and felt it wasn't appropriate to bother him when he was sitting with people trying to have his lunch. In fact, no one was bothering him while at the hotel, and there were times we admitted to being confused because seeing movie stars is not atypical for Los Angeles, but rather irregular for Washington, DC. Needless to say, we both hope to look as good as Clint Eastwood at age 81. 

Later in the day, my friend Nancy and then Junko emailed me to let me know that Clint Eastwood is in Washington, DC for the premier of his latest movie, J. Edgar, held at the Newseum. It now all makes sense.

I went to Ann's house this evening and picked up the final batch of candy for the Mattie Miracle candy drive at the Hospital. My goal is to deliver all the candy on Friday, and based on the quantities Ann was reporting to me today, I knew I would need two days to process it all.

So again tonight, we got out our bins and we were both sitting down and sorting all the candy people have generously donated to the Foundation! This has been an absolutely incredible project. Our communities continue to rise to the challenge to meet the needs of children and their families with cancer, and I know Georgetown Hospital will be very grateful. On Friday, I will give you a grand total of candy collected, but we are talking several thousand at this point! THANK YOU to all our contributors!

I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend and colleague. Nancy wrote, "Vicki, I struggle with putting my feelings into words, at times, and have been stimulated and encouraged by your writing. I feel very fortunate to have friends like you who can go beyond the basics and deal with the hard issues. Once again I find myself challenged by the devastation of cancer. An acquaintance of mine told us that her sister lost her battle just a few days ago. Although I didn't know them as sisters, as a result of my connection to you, I was able to be there with her even though I'm in Florida. I think that is what I find so special about our relationship over the last three years, distance has no bearing on connection. What is important to me, possibly, the most important aspect of a relationship is the ability to do just one simple thing, relate to one another deeply, not to get caught up in one's own 'stuff' and just be with the other person. The last few days of the blog were filled with such richness of spirit and support. The piece about Peter was so special. When you write about him, I am glad that I know him personally now. I was a fan of his through your writing and now I am a fan because of the many deeply moving ways that he is in touch with his feelings. I'm a sucker for a guy who knows how to express all of his emotions. That is a rare gem! I'm glad that you both have each other for to have had to go through this torture alone would have been unbearable. You walk the walk, my friend, not just talk, the talk. Thanks again for what you are giving to others as you attempt to heal yourself. That is the definition of a true humanitarian."