Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2006. Mattie was sitting on top of the packing boxes my parents shipped to us with their items in it. Mattie thought these boxes were absolutely fantastic! Mainly because they were HUGE! Like big climbing blocks. Both Mattie and Patches (our cat) got a lot of joy from these temporary additions to our home. Mattie always made me laugh because to some extent he found more versatility and fun out of a cardboard box than from a toy!
Quote of the day: What comes from the heart, goes to the heart. ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge
This has been the week of conference calls for me. To the average person this is probably NO BIG DEAL! It is the main form of communication these days in the work place. Peter spends perhaps 80% of his day on the phone with people all over the world sometimes. Managing people, talking to them and directing these calls. Honestly if I had to do this all day long, someone would have to medicate me! Prior to Mattie developing cancer I had no problem talking on the phone, but now I hate it! Literally!!!There is something about sitting still and having to listen and concentrate to someone without seeing their face which is problematic to me. Now add to this problem a group of people on the phone and you can rest assure that this is a recipe for disaster for me. I truly don't like it. It is beyond a feeling of discomfort. It takes me a great deal of focus and concentration to get my thoughts together, to be able to listen, process, and with regard to tomorrow's call to also take notes. Ironically you see tomorrow, I am supposed to run the call and also take minutes! It should be entertaining on many levels.
The anxieties and issues that are the direct consequence of surviving Mattie's cancer are hard to describe to most people. Mainly because they sound absurd, especially if you haven't lived through the trauma of childhood cancer or if you have never experienced a trauma in general. But unfortunately there are consequences and though it would be much easier if I avoided some things altogether, I know that isn't practical, mature, or part of life. Yet I am aware of this change within myself. I guess the equivalent would be like someone who may have broken a bone noticing a decreased range of motion, things just don't function the same way anymore. Yet we learn and find ways to compensate. I am still learning and trying to find ways through the discomfort and yet while anxious I have to be cognizant that if I get distracted I will be unable to process the content of what I am hearing on the phone.
No comments:
Post a Comment