Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2005. Do not ask me what happened to my electronic files from August of 2005. All I know is I have NO photos from that month and year. So today I turned to our on-line shutterfly account and was able to download several photos! It is like seeing photos for the first time. Which is special! I can remember these moments in time, but was upset that I had no record of them until now. This photo was taken in Los Angeles. We went out that summer to visit my parents. Though Mattie was cautious around water, Peter started to introduce Mattie to their pool. Naturally whatever Mattie was doing, I was usually photographing it! Never realizing what these photos would mean to us as the years went by.
Quote of the day: Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. ~ Alexander Pope
There is a great deal of truth in Pope's quote tonight. We live each day with some sort of expectation. Expectation perhaps of what you will accomplish at work, expectations for the future, expectations for our spouse, family, and friends. Yet having expectations is a double edged sword, because what we may want and need doesn't always match up with the actual interaction or result. Then what? I am quite certain that the crux to many problems we face centers around expectations. Yet how do we go through life without having expectations for those in our lives? We aren't machines with no emotional responsibilities and needs.
Time and time again, I hear about disappointments and the severing of friendships after a mom's child dies from cancer. Childhood cancer is one of those topics that divide people and sends them running in the other direction. Which is sad, because friendships are truly what is needed the most to cope and survive through loss. Soon after Mattie died, I lost a very close friend of mine. A friend I knew for 15 years. She severed our relationship because she said, Mattie's cancer and death were making her physically sick! I may have had the expectation that we would always be friends and she would want to remain a part of my life after such a tragedy. But I was WRONG!
I used to be a person who had expectations for others and the world around me. However, after Mattie's cancer, I see the world as it is. NOT with rose colored glasses. I have learned not to have expectations for anything or anyone, because the only one I can have expectations for is myself. I am sure that sounds cynical, but it is where I am at.
Tomorrow, Mattie Miracle's strategic planning meeting begins. We have invited our core psychosocial researchers to DC, to plot out our the next phase of our Standards project.... Implementation! So it will be a busy two days for us!
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