Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. Mattie was in the hospital recovering from a sternotomy. Which basically opened up his chest cavity to remove nine tumors from his lungs. This was truly hard for Mattie because this was his third major surgery in a very short period of time. Yet despite the medical trauma piling up all over the place, there was a level of trust and understanding all three of us had with one another. We were all vulnerable on every level, yet together we confronted issues head on. Mattie always knew if something went wrong, we were certainly going to step in and correct it. He had trust and faith in us.
Quote of the day: Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. ~ Brené Brown
I am sure there are people who read this blog who tune into TED talks on line. What is TED? Well it is...................... a nonprofit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of
short, powerful talks (18 minutes or less). TED began in 1984 as a conference
where Technology, Entertainment and Design converged, and today covers almost
all topics — from science to business to global issues — in more than 100 languages. Literally you can just google TED, and you will see hundreds of talks presented by well known professionals at your fingertips. I have seen probably a handful of TED talks over the years, but this morning I tuned into a talk called the Power of Vulnerability. Presented by Dr. Brene Brown.
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston
Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past 13 years studying
vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Brené is the author of three #1
New York Times Bestsellers: Rising Strong, Daring Greatly and The Gifts of
Imperfection.
In any case, Brown's 2010 TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability, is one of
the top five most viewed TED talks in the world, with over 25 million viewers. So keep that in mind.
I really thought I was going to like this topic and talk but the more I listened to it, the more I felt annoyed by what I was hearing. I felt she was very self serving, and though she maybe trying to emulate vulnerability right there on the stage for us, it did not resonate with me. In fact, I felt that she was making the vulnerabilities people have shared with her over the years seem almost trite. What truly caught my attention is that she spent six years investigating the Power of Vulnerability through analyzing interviews, essays people have submitted to her and so forth. The length of time doesn't surprise me per se, because she was on a quest, but what surprised me was WHAT SURPRISED HER! She was so perplexed by the fact that "wholehearted" people (people who cultivate certain things like resilience, gratitude, authenticity, trust, creativity, meaningful work and at the same time are able to let go certain things in their lives) find being vulnerable beneficial. It isn't truly negative. In fact, she says that being vulnerable is the "birthplace of joy, love, creativity, and belonging."
Brown was so surprised by the benefits of vulnerability that she turned to the help of a therapist for a year to help her process her findings. Mainly because this realization was counter intuitive to her and most likely disproved her hypotheses. As she kept on talking, I began to understand why she needed to go to see a therapist because she herself was afraid of being vulnerable. Like so many in our world, being vulnerable is viewed as weak. WE CAN'T look weak or OUT of control! God forbid. The problem with all of this is that life is FILLED with vulnerabilities and unless we confront them, talk about them and work on them, they only stifle our growth and development.
It is through confronting and living with vulnerability that we truly learn more about ourselves and the world around us. I wasn't at all surprised as Brown was, by the feedback she got from others who live with vulnerability. Look at that photo of Mattie above. Peter and I lived with extreme vulnerability 24/7 for over 15 months. In fact, I would argue we still live with vulnerability. We are a couple who raised a child for seven years and wanted a family, and now thanks to cancer we are left childless. We no longer fit in with our friends and we continue to work on defining ourselves and our relationship with each other. This does something to you, but in the process it also opens up your thinking and how you feel about yourself, your circumstances, and the rest of the world. Can I understand Brown's initial perspective on vulnerability, sure! But it was a limited perspective. A perspective in a way devoid of actual experience with vulnerability.
Now with that said, would life have been better for Peter and I without this monumental vulnerability? Absolutely! Do I think I would have found joy, happiness, and creativity in other ways..... MOST DEFINITELY! What I agree wholeheartedly with Brown on is that we can't selectively numb vulnerabilities, without numbing all
emotions such as joy, gratitude, and happiness. When we numb how we feel the by-product is that we are deeply miserable and constantly looking for
purpose and meaning in our lives.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
1 comment:
Vicki,
I know at some point, I will write more about this post. It was a beautiful in the truth of every part. We are all vulnerable at tine. Some more than others. Some never at all, so they claim but being vulnerable is a gift because it truly opens your eyes to yourself and other
I could always hug Mattie through his pictures. It is heartbreaking to think of how much he suffered Ann hurt! I thank you for true look of Mattie's life during treatment
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