Thursday, August 24, 2017

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2005. Another classic Mattie moment at Legoland in San Diego. Mattie loved going on all the rides. The beauty of Legoland is they have rides for all age groups. So when Mattie was smaller, he started on these cute rides and then graduated to roller coasters. I am so happy as "the boys" had their adventure, I was on the ground capturing these moments through photos. Where would we be today without all of this documentation?


Quote of the day: I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. Its because of them I’m doing it myself. ~ Albert Einstein



I received an email from a long time friend today who introduced me to the website... stillstandingmag. This is a site dedicated to child loss and infertility. It captures the words, thoughts and feelings of women. My friend sent me an article about the 7 things learned from child loss. It was well done and included NO PLATITUDES. Which drive me absolutely batty, and it also wasn't a how to list. Which is another thing I can't tolerate with grief articles. As if there is a top ten list that if you meet, you are going to survive and feel better. ALL OF WHICH isn't true. As dealing with child loss is a process, but a process that remains with you forever. 

After reading the article my friend sent me, I decided to get on my computer and search through the actual website and see some of the other articles. On one of the pages it highlighted "ways to honor your child." I copied the link below to the list of 37 ways. I literally went through the list and what I concluded is I have done 13 of the "to dos" on the list of 37. Here are my 13: 

• plant a garden
• create a shadow box
• take pictures of nature
• collect an art piece
• create a place in your home for your child's special things 
• name a star for your child
• start a non-profit
• write a blog
• have a charm bracelet
• plant a tree
• speak to anyone who wants to listen about your child
• celebrate your child's birthday
• collect things that remind you of your child

So what do I think? Did I need to see the list of 37 ways? Does such a list serve a purpose? Well I realize that sometimes in grief we waffle, we feel directionless and therefore having a list, and hearing the thoughts of other parents in our shoes does help to give us direction. Yet at the end of the day, the list is just a list. Even if one should consider these suggestions and follow through with each, it won't erase or replace the grief. By the way I am not implying that the website is even suggesting this, as I feel this site is far more realistic and truthful than most bereavement sites I have surfed. Which is refreshing. 

But here's the thing. The list gives suggestions, and then it is up to us to see if one of these suggestions makes sense to us, as we remember and honor our child. Tonight I snapped a photo of my charm bracelet. Which ironically is one of the suggestions on the list above. Yet I did not come up with this idea, my friend Margaret gave me the bracelet and a couple of charms after Mattie died. She was the one who gave me the idea to create a memory bracelet, and it resonated with me. So over the years, I have added to the bracelet, until it is completely FULL. I wear this bracelet daily. It has become a part of me. Most people just think I am wearing a Pandora bracelet, and rarely has someone asked me about the bracelet. But the bracelet has meaning. 

What I do know is that the items on the list are important, because they keep us grounded and connected to the world around us. They help us remember our child and give us a safe way to share memories with others. But at the end of the day, I think what this should tell us is we really do not know what certain items mean to people unless we ask them! Something as simple as a bracelet, may not be so simple after all. 

Ways to honor your child:

http://stillstandingmag.com/ways-to-honor-your-child/