Tonight's picture was taken in the Fall of 2005. This was Mattie's first preschool class, and his teachers were Margaret (at front with the white pants) and Lana (in the back in green). The reason I am posting this photo tonight is because I met by happenstance Charles' mom today. Mattie was pictured all the way at the end of this photo by Lana. The blond haired boy next to Mattie, is Charles. If Mattie were alive today, he would have experienced his first day of 10th grade. It is hard to hear friends I know who have children discuss school starting. That is what orients them to time and day. I would like to say that hearing about school gets easier for me as time goes by, but unfortunately it doesn't. My irritation with others remains pretty consistent, perhaps because the timing of school also coincides with Mattie's death. In any case, seeing Beth (Charles' mom), was a very pleasant surprise today, and I will explain more below.
Quote of the day: There's always going to be the circumstances you can't plan for. There's always the unexpected relevance and the serendipity. ~ Jason Silva
Today I had to take our car in for service. Going to the dealership is never an hour or two task. Rather four to five hours at the very least. So when I go, I have to be armed to hang out. Fortunately there is a Starbuck's a block away that I walk to and set up my laptop computer. I love having this concentrated time to myself to focus on the Foundation. Where I don't have to walk the dog, answer the phone, or be distracted by anything or anyone else. I am not sure anyone else likes going to their car dealership, but to me it is like a major break away. Funny, no?
Any case, while at Starbuck's, you get to know the people around you who are also there for an extended period of time. Not that we chat with each other, but we are aware of one another. Since I use an electrical outlet for my laptop in the store, I had multiple people come up to chat with me about sharing the outlet. While working, I happened to look up at a woman leaving the store, and in my mind I felt like I recognized her. But she moved so quickly out the door that I couldn't be certain if it were Beth, or my mind deceiving me. Fortunately Beth had the same reaction as me, and therefore walked right back into Starbuck's to check in with me. Of course we both immediately recognized each other as our boys went through two years of preschool together.
I haven't seen Beth for years. We lost track of each other and with her email address changing she hasn't been getting updates on the Foundation. I have since corrected that today. To my surprise she relayed a story to me about Mattie that I frankly did not remember ever hearing. Given that Mattie died 8 years ago this, I felt that hearing this story was meant to happen.
Beth told me that Charles remembers Mattie. NOT because Mattie had cancer and died, but because Mattie was his FIRST friend. In 2005, Mattie and Charles started a new preschool and happened to be in the same classroom. Charles apparently was sitting underneath the classroom's loft by himself. Not knowing anyone and of course it is an uneasy feeling entering a room of strangers. But apparently Mattie joined Charles under the loft, introduced himself and invited Charles to play with him. This made a big impression on Charles, as he has never forgotten it. So much so, that when Mattie headed off to kindergarten and Charles had another year of preschool ahead of him, he was saddened when Mattie left. He felt lost, since they had been friends for two years.
I am not sure what surprised me more today..... hearing that Charles remembers Mattie, or that Mattie was his first friend, or that I got to see a side of Mattie that I would never have known about if Beth did not share it with me. What this story told me was that Mattie was sensitive to others around him, could be a leader, and also knew how to be a friend. Not that I wasn't aware of Mattie's capabilities, but it is so wonderful to hear the story and to know these things were seen through the eyes of another mom! So I would say today was an unexpected encounter that actually was a great gift.
1 comment:
Vicki, What a beautiful gift, Charles Mom gave you! Knowing & hearing are so different. You knew Mattie was kind & sensitive but all these years later a Mom shared with you, the gift of friendship, Mattie gave to another child. To me this was not happenstance, it was meant for you to see Beth. It is one of those little gifts, we receive, if we are willing to see it and embrace it, as a gift. There is no way around the enormous hole Mattie's death left in your life. You can't jump over it or walk around it. This hole stays, nothing fills it, except more time since you last hug, embraced or talked to Mattie. Many people don't realize that this hole or heart chip doesn't heal with time! It is crater size when it is your child because parents love with all they have! But my question to them would be, what would make this easier or better? Nothing, ever. The loss of a child is a forever loss that exists for the child's parents always. Each milestone, their friends child reaches, your doesn't. So school starting, graduations, birthdays, actually every day is something you are missing with Mattie. How others don't see this, especially those whose entire day revolves around their child puzzles me.
I am so glad you saw the Mom who child's first friend was Mattie. I love that you posted his preschool picture. I know how much you cared for Margaret. She looks so kind, the perfect type of preschool teacher.
Thanks for sharing your meeting. I love that I got to read this. I did not ever meet Mattie. I know him from you and I am very appreciative that you share things about Mattie! I see his picture and know what a wonderful child he was and how loved, he is every minute!
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