Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. Mattie was a year and a half old and we were desperate to get a photo of Mattie for the front of our Christmas card that year. I knew Mattie didn't get the notion of Christmas yet, much less why one needed to pose for a camera. So we took him to Lowe's, put him in a shopping cart with his Christmas sweater on and began snapping photos of him. Mattie loved visiting three stores: Lowe's, Home Depot, and Target. So I figured we had half a chance in Lowe's to capture his attention and have a holiday backdrop! As you can see, Mattie grabbed an ornament off one of the decorated trees and was shaking it to hear it jingle. This wasn't our Christmas card photo, but it was one of several hundred we took that afternoon.
Quote of the day: Be intentional and purposeful in your calling. ~ Sunday Adelaja
As I was talking about legacy items yesterday with our researchers (refer to Thursday's blog for more specifics of what I am talking about), I was called "intentional." Intentional as it related to my parenting style. After all, I captured items, remembrances, and mementos of Mattie's life. Did I set out to be intentional? Meaning that I had a plan and made a conscious effort to collect, categorize, and keep a timeline of Mattie's life. I would have to say the answer to that question is YES!
From the moment I was pregnant with Mattie, I started making notes, taking photos, and capturing this pending change in our lives. In a way I was like a mini-journalist as it came to Mattie. I collected as much information and photo documentation throughout Mattie's life, pre-cancer and with cancer. Naturally my planning was that one day Mattie would love looking back in time to when he was born and growing up. My goal was to do all of this for Mattie, never thinking that all of this documentation would serve as part of his legacy.
In yesterday's blog, I was trying to impress upon a point that legacy items should not only be created when a child is dying or is dead. Instead, all the items a child ever creates, pre-cancer, and while in treatment, serve as the child's real legacy. It never dawned on me that I was so intentional, until one of our researchers mentioned this to me. She is absolutely correct, and the beauty of being intentional, is I took my daily intentional activities (that I did pre-cancer) and brought them to the hospital with me. Which is most likely why the blog was the perfect forum for me in July of 2008, when Mattie was diagnosed. It allowed me a physical/virtual place to consolidate information not only in text but visually EVERYDAY. Therefore, creating legacy items for Mattie, was actually easier for us because I was so intentional. I always saw my mom role (in part) as a keeper of history, an archivist in a way.
I joked with our researcher, because I have been called many things as it related to Mattie.... sentimentalist, a collector of his items, and simply having a type A personality. However, I like the notion of being intentional much much better. Being intentional truly captures me, and as you can see this conversation I had yesterday was so meaningful to me that it is carrying over into today.
Certainly being intentional is more time consuming, it can be labor intensive, and it requires a level of discipline and organization. But that is me, I am happiest when organizing, making connections to things and people, and when I was Mattie's mom, this important role required all of these skills. Without Mattie, our lives have become more fluid and directionless. Which is another reason I continue to write the blog. It is intentional..... it makes me organize thoughts and feelings, recount memories of Mattie, and as it did from the beginning, the blog tells a story. The story of an amazing little boy, who continues to be life's greatest teacher to his mom. AND YES THAT IS INTENTIONAL!!!
1 comment:
Vicki, I like the word intentional. It is a positive word describing someone who cares enough to highlight life. I am intentional in many ways, documenting life events. I started being much this way when we moved to Virginia & our families were in Wisconsin. You have to be intentional if you want people/kids to love & know one another across the miles. Intentional became even more important when I started working with Pediatric Oncology patients. I really knew nothing medically compared to what I know today. It wasn't my job yet I Worked for a group that wanted team approach & effort, so I learned and was eager to do so. I wanted each day in this office to provide memories for patients & families alike. That a day getting chemo, blood products, etc, left one lasting impression. I always felt that for the child who survived, I wanted them to have positive memories of the months, years, spent in this office other than watching a movie. For the child who died from their Cancer, I was determined from day one, that this family would have works that their child did while feeling well & everyone was hopeful. Karen was my forceful teacher in the first few years. Just as she had definite ideas about activities for outside the office, she had definite ideas about projects, we all should work on together. I think Karen was intentional in her life too!
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