Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2003. Mattie was 9 months old and was visiting the US Botanical Gardens. It was a place we all liked to explore. As you can see Mattie was using his favorite mode of transportation.... Peter's back! My mom snapped this cute photo of us. Peter knew the photo was being taken but Mattie and I were oblivious.
Quote of the day: If the only miracle we are looking for is the big one ... then we will most likely miss the other miracles that are unfolding before our very eyes, each and every day. ~ Deacon Wayne Charlton
Tonight's quote is powerful to me and was written by a hospital chaplain. Initially when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer, the immediate goal and HOPE is for a cure. I have now come to despise this word and whenever someone says they are hoping for a cure, I literally get on my soap box and correct this terminology. As one of Mattie's oncologists told me.... "once you are diagnosed with cancer you are never cured." You may go into remission and have no evidence of disease, but in essence cancer is always part of your life. I would say that is abundantly true, with both long lasting physical and mental side effects.
Some survivors will say that cancer changed their lives, even for the better. I don't care for that notion because I would hope there are better ways to learn about priorities and life's lessons other than by coping with a life threatening illness. Yet, I would say that undergoing a cancer battle opens your eyes up in ways that may not be possible otherwise. You get a real perspective on your friends, your support community, and also realize most of the stuff we do and fret about on a day to day basis is meaningless.
When Mattie was in treatment and at the end of his life, there were miracles happening all around us. Not the kind we were hoping for, but I also came to understand that hope changes at every stage of the cancer journey. Toward the end, we clearly weren't hoping for curative care, but instead to have the ability to relieve pain and suffering that Mattie was enduring. It was in these challenging 14 months that I saw the beauty, the courage, and the loyalty of people within our support community. Some of them would literally try to move the earth if it brought Mattie some happiness. For example, when Mattie's support community learned he wanted to ride his bike, but was afraid to because he did not want to fall............ within hours they mobilized and had about four sets of training wheels on our front door step, so that Mattie could confidently ride.
Or when Mattie's diagnosis became terminal, his support community wanted to do something special for him. They knew Mattie wanted to be a ship captain. So literally people were making calls all over town. Finally they got the Navy to agree to allow Mattie on one of their ships, for a tour, and to take a ride on the ocean. It was amazing. Unfortunately, by that time Mattie emotionally did not want to be around people, he wasn't open to such a new experience, and truly was just trying to keep it together because of the pain. Yet I would say all of these gestures were miracles when you truly think about it and in most cases, these miracles are more powerful THAN THE MEDICINE.
Sunny was examined today by our vet. She wasn't pleased to see how much fur was shaved off of Sunny's leg. As you can see Sunny's skin is already red and irritated. In any case, Sunny's foot was bathed in a special solution, dried, and re-bandaged. She now put him on antibiotics and a stronger pain med. She feels that Sunny is definitely in pain.
Sunny and I will be visiting the vet every two days for the next ten days. Each visit he will get a bandage change and another assessment. But the healing will be slow because he has NO NAIL left. Needless to say he is NOT a happy camper.
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