Tonight's picture was taken on Valentine's Day of 2009. This was the last Valentine's Mattie and I celebrated together. Mattie worked with his art therapists for several hours that day. They were in the child life playroom and I was sent out of the room. When I was allowed back in, Mattie surprised me with this paper crown of hearts and a box filled with all sorts of cards he made for me. This maybe my all time favorite photo, which was taken by Jenny, one of Mattie's outstanding art therapists. She captured what Mattie always did with me.... touched noses and looked right into my eyes.
Quote of the day: Anyone can give up; it is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, now that is true strength. ~ Chris Bradford
As today is Valentine's Day, I have found there are really two types of people as it relates to this holiday. Those who are all for it and those who truly avoid it like the plague. Naturally the reasons why one may not like this holiday can vary by person, but when grief and loss are factored into the picture, it can provide insight into the reactions we see.
When I mention grief and loss, I don't necessarily mean from a physical death. It could be the dissolution of a relationship, the longing for a bond and connection with someone special that hasn't happened, or simply the feeling of isolation. All of these things can impact how we view the holiday of love.
I decided to google..... "Valentine's Day and Loss" and a host of articles popped up. The one that intrigued me is below. It is entitled, "Valentine's Day - using loss to celebrate love." This blog posting was written by a fellow mom whose daughter died unexpectedly. She explained that her daughter died four days before Valentine's Day and therefore this has clouded her whole feeling for the holiday. Not that she was ever a big Valentine's Day celebrator to begin with, for like me, she feels it is a commercialized day.
Yet it was her rationalization toward the end of the article that captured my attention. I totally agree with her. That when you lose a child, aspects of happiness, celebrating, and actively taking part in life dies. In fact, when you feel happiness or celebration it is tinged with feelings of guilt. Yet I do think it is possible to acknowledge such a great loss and also recognize the importance of one's marriage. It isn't one or the other. Both are possible, and yet it does take some time to come to this realization. As this mom points out..... "we’re still there, we’re still committed, we still care."
Using loss to celebrate love is a very appropriate title for her article, because I do think through great loss, we hone in on what is actually more important in life. Valentine's Day is not just for romantic love, it is for celebrating friendships and our connections with others. Given that St. Valentine was the patron saint of love and young people, it is simply tragic that several families in Florida are either sitting in a hospital room or identifying their child's body from such a senseless school shooting today. It is a horror of grand proportion and was sickly timed with the love that today is supposed to symbolize. My hearts go out to these families and school community, as I know all too well the journey these parents will be forever facing.
Valentine’s Day – using loss to celebrate love
1 comment:
Vicki,
This picture of you & Mattie is my favorite! It clearly shows the bond, you & Mattie had. The trust & love is shown in this photo.
nHolidays are so commercialized, often bringing great pain to those who have lost a child.
I too, am deeply sorry for the families in Florida who have lost their child through a senseless shooting. In many ways in life, we have failed children. Kids diagnosed with Cancer quickly find out that treatments, they receive are the same ones received years ago. Research is stymied because of a lack of funding. How can this be? Yet it is! Now children in school aren't safe either. They are murdered in their school classrooms because, we the people can't seem to figure out a way to regulate gun ownership or how & who came purchase on. No one needs an AKA assault rifle yet instead of admitting that gun ownership need better regulating, it has been ifecided to blame the mentally
ill. Those responsible should admit, they have failed our children! So much forever loss
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