Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. This was classic Mattie! Our hospital room was filled with all sorts of activities to do. In many ways, this was NO different from when Mattie was well. He was the ultimate multi-tasker. Sometimes when people multi-task, they aren't paying attention to what is being verbally communicated. In Mattie's case, he could look engrossed in an activity and not paying attention. But he heard EVERYTHING! As you can see from the photo, Mattie loved to construct things out of every day objects. This was Mattie's submarine comprised of boxes, yogurt containers, and a paper towel roll. The possibilities were as great as Mattie's imagination.
Quote of the day: When you are here and now, sitting totally, not jumping ahead, the miracle has happened. To be in the moment is the miracle. ~ Osho
Being present focused is NOT something most of us are accustomed to, instead, we are future focused. We are constantly planning, thinking about the future, or have the mindset of passing on opportunities because it can always be done later. I have found that the number one thing to kick start someone into PRESENT gear and keep them there is a life threatening illness. Whether living with one or having the potential scare of having one!
I have spoken to several people lately who are dealing with serious health crises. Ironically none of them are saying.... I should have worked harder! Instead, most of them are saying...... why did I push off seeing a friend/family member or going on a vacation with the thinking that I could do this in the future? When cancer strikes your life, you realize that future isn't guaranteed and when we reflect upon our lives we can be faced with regrets.
There are many reasons why one becomes present oriented when dealing with cancer. The top reason could be fear! It is hard not letting one's mind wander and worry about dying. Which with cancer is a very realistic fear. Therefore staying in the moment is actually much more helpful psychologically. The other main reason for becoming present focused has to do with the treatment itself. Things can change from day to day. Which makes planning anything when undergoing treatment impossible. I saw this with Mattie's cancer protocol. In theory he should have had one week when he was on treatment and two weeks off. But we NEVER got the two weeks off, because the treatment had such devastating side effects, it usually left Mattie hospitalized. So there was NO point in making plans, it forced me to live hour to hour, some days minute by minute!
I am not alone though. This is a common thread others are faced with when coping with cancer. I am not sure why the rest of the world can't get on board with living in the present moment? I wish I could say that I still live there! Part of me does and part of me can't because of the Foundation. But when I was living in the present moment, it was actually less stressful. It allowed me to NOT focus on anything else other than Mattie and our time together. I did not worry about chores, about food, about work, and the list goes on. I am quite aware of the fact that I did not have to worry about these things, because others around me helped with these logistics.
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