Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2002. Mattie's first Christmas and snow fall. That day we dragged his exercise saucer onto our deck, dressed him up as a little elf, and started snapping photos. I think we must have taken at least 50 or 60 photos. This was not the photo that landed on the front of our Christmas card that year, but none the less it was priceless.
Quote of the day: I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the year’s. ~ Henry Moore
I had the opportunity to interact with someone today who was wearing a "wish" bracelet. She told me a friend gave it to her for Christmas. Perhaps I have heard to such a bracelet before, but truly never saw one or even knew the significance of it. Apparently you are supposed to wear this bracelet, make a wish or wishes, and when the bracelet finally disintegrates, that will mean your wish comes true. Certainly I appreciate the sentiments expressed in this gift and in the bracelet itself, but perhaps I am just a cynic. Was I always that way? I would say NO! But seeing Mattie get diagnosed with cancer, endure cancer treatment, and then die has shown me at an early age that what we wish for doesn't always come true. In fact, just the opposite can happen.
I was watching an HGTV show the other day, and these interior designers were helping a young couple with their home. The couple talked to the designers about setting up space for their future children. Just hearing that set me off. Why? Because I want to know why others can plan for their future and their families and in the majority of cases couples get their wish. Yet for Peter and I, our future looks differently. It has clouded my lens so much that when I see a pregnant woman or I hear women talking about future families, all I can think of is.... you could be just like me. After all we all start out naive, not thinking that childhood cancer can touch one's family. It was never on my radar scope.
Now instead childhood cancer has become my compass. So what does that mean? I don't believe in wishes? I don't believe in planning for the future? I am not sure, as it depends on what day you catch me. Being that it is cold and another gray day in DC, you can surmise which direction I am going in today!
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