Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Literally 6 months before Mattie died. At that moment in time, we really thought treatment was coming to an end and soon we would be able to focus on physical therapy to retrain Mattie how to walk. Of course that never happened.
That day in March, Mattie wanted to play outside in his sandbox. So Peter brought a heater outside and we bundled Mattie up. What you may not realize is that Mattie was unable to walk to the sandbox. So we lifted him into the box. Mattie loved his frog sandbox, and this box remains outside our deck door for other children to play with in our complex.
Quote of the day: Common knowledge might be shared by many people, but there is no knowledge that dangles unattached to any subject. Unlike water or gold, knowledge always belongs to someone. ~ Jennifer Nagel
Knowledge always belongs to someone! It's an interesting quote. I think at times we assume things about people around us, never realizing what knowledge they actually possess. For example, I was doing laundry today in our complex, and had the opportunity to talk on a deeper level with one of my neighbors. On an aside, my joke is that laundry is an event, not just a task! It's an event because we have to leave our townhouse, go outside, and enter into our building. From there we take an elevator to our laundry room, which is three floors below where we live. Doing laundry was far more humorous when Mattie was alive. As children have a way of generating dirty clothes, and I had to figure out a way to balance the clothes, the detergent, and a baby in tow. We made it work!
However, while in the laundry room today, I met one of my neighbors. I knew her already, as she has a wonderful daily walking routine which causes her to pass my townhouse. We have chatted before, but not as extensively as we did today over laundry. We were talking about family. She told me about hers and then of course she asked about mine. Since she talked about her children, I felt compelled to tell her about Mattie. Mind you she sees a frog sandbox outside our deck door, but she has never seen me outside with a child in it. Today, I helped her put two and two together. She was absolutely STUNNED that I had a child die from cancer. I assume everyone around me knows this information. Just like Hester Prynne in the book, The Scarlet Letter, wore a red letter to signal to others her adulterous affair, I feel like I have a symbol over my head that everyone around me sees that announces...... I LOST A CHILD TO CANCER.
My neighbor appeared absolutely heart broken! She gave me many hugs and then said to me that whatever issues and problems she has had in her life, pale in comparison to what I face. Personally I feel child loss is a nightmare, but at the same time, I don't want to discount the NUMEROUS other hurts, pains, traumas, and events in other people's lives. What is particularly noteworthy is that this year marks the 10th anniversary of Mattie's death. For a decade I have been coping with this loss and yet regardless of time, we still have a story to tell. A story which continues to impact our day to day lives and of course our future. Somehow my neighbor understood that without me have to connect the dots for her, which was refreshing.
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