Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. As you can see it is a photo of a body scan. The prosthetic parts light up in the scan, and it showed that Mattie's three limbs had bone tumors removed, and the bones were replaced with prosthetics. You may also see a string like thing coming from Mattie's body on the left side. That was an IV line going into Mattie's broviac in his chest. It was how Mattie received fluids, chemo, and blood draws. This provided a direct access to vessels near the heart.
Quote of the day: After you find out all the things that can go wrong, your life becomes less about living and more about waiting. ~ Chuck Palahniuk
I think tonight's quote sums it up well, especially as it relates to the Coronavirus. Each day we all seem to be waiting for the next shoe to drop. That is on the macro level. On my micro level, I would say this quote captures the struggles I have physically since Mattie died. I honestly have very few days without some sort of problem.
This past Friday, I began having pain. At first I thought it was muscular and tried to block it out of my mind. However, by Saturday that wasn't possible. I have four issue areas: head, bladder, kidneys, and gynecological area. Ironically the last three can be interconnected and also produce similar symptoms. By Sunday, I had convinced myself that something was very very wrong. So much so that I reached out to my gyn-oncologist. This woman has been in my life since 2012. Back then my urologist prescribed a CT scan of my bladder, and instead of finding a bladder issue, the radiologist said I had most likely a rare cancer of the cervix. You can imagine how I reacted to that. I literally saw four different gyn-oncologists to consult on my treatment. I saw four doctors and I got FOUR different opinions. No one seemed to agree with the other. The doctor I decided to go with was the one who seemed like she was no nonsense and felt that I did not have cancer but none the less had to monitor me every month to every three months. In the end I made the right decision and she advised me well.
I am telling you this story because I text messaged this doctor on Sunday. YES I have her cell phone number! A rarity in the medical profession. She answered right back and wanted me to have a pelvic and transvaginal ultrasound today. I will never forget taking this test for the first time years ago. It is very invasive and a shock at first, but when you know what to expect, it's more manageable.
I couldn't sleep last night as my head was playing through scenarios about what my issue was and honestly I was worried and worried about how this would impact Peter. The first thing I did this morning was start calling around to get an appointment for the ultrasound. I was determined to get it done today, regardless of where I had to go. The radiology place I go to is excellent because after each scan or procedure, the radiologist comes to talk with you. So I knew the results right away. Fortunately I do not have cancer and my gynecological issues are stable. But remember I still have the pain.
So I eliminated one issue and now had to pursue bladder and kidney issues. Which led me to dropping off a urine sample today at a local testing center (that my doctor chose). This particular testing center was a total nightmare. Bad enough that when I got home I wrote a formal complaint. The center is NOT manned by anyone. If that isn't bad enough, picture a testing center without a enclosed or confidential space. The testing center has NO waiting area and the sign in desk is part of a hallway of a building. I am telling you it's nuts. There were electronic check-in stations and that is the only way to get checked in. Meanwhile there were older patients there who did not understand the process, much less how to use the machines. Therefore they weren't getting registered in for their appointments.
Finally a woman came out to help process people waiting in the building's hallway. Keep in mind there is also the coronavirus roaming around, so doesn't it make perfect sense to have a testing center in the midst of a busy hallway?! I am being facetious if you couldn't tell. But it gets better, when I finally talked to the receptionist, she proceeded to give me a hard time. She couldn't find my doctor's order in her system and then when she did she directed me to the back area, where patients were being given blood draws and other procedures in order for me to leave my urine sample. To me, this should be violating the standards that regulate a medical facility as I could see the names of other patients, I could see their samples, and everything about this seemed very wrong. I swear if I didn't have the ultrasound first and knew those results, dealing with this woman would have sent me truly over the edge. This is a woman who shouldn't be working with people, and yet here she is interacting with vulnerable patients who maybe ill or worried about their testing. Frankly she could have cared less, we were all a nuisance to her.
The only bright spot in all of this is I have a team of great specialists who I can turn to. Two out of the three, I have their cell phone numbers. I don't abuse it and only reach out when I deem I have a problem. So one specialist down and two more to go as we try to figure out my issue.
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