Friday, November 27, 2020

Friday, November 27, 2020

Tonight's picture was taken the day after Thanksgiving of 2008. This was a post-Thanksgiving Day tradition Mattie and Peter had with each other. They would get out Christmas lights and decorate our commons area. Each year, Mattie got to pick out another outdoor light to add to the collection. In 2008, Mattie picked out this Scooby Doo themed light. Our light displays used to be fantastic and our neighbors always thanked us. There have been NO MORE light displays from us since 2008. Thanksgiving 2008, was VERY difficult. Mattie was home recovering from surgeries and it was at that point, I could see he had PTSD symptoms. In addition to dealing with trauma, Mattie was also very depressed. A horrible thing for any parent to witness and remember. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• number of people diagnosed with the virus: 13,086,367
• number of people who died from the virus: 264,842

I literally pulled myself out of bed at 6am. I couldn't get up any earlier. I got a lot accomplished before my dad's caregiver came at 8am. After breakfast, I do daily cognitive brain games with my dad. He doesn't like doing them, but he knows I don't take no for an answer. 

Mid morning, my mom and I went for a 45 minute walk. Now that we are really locked down, these walks are crucial for our mental sanity. While walking the neighborhood, I spotted this! Quite an impressive Thanksgiving display no? If you look closely on the left (9 o'clock position) you will see a real pumpkin vine with an actual pumpkin growing on it. Mattie would have loved this. I can't wait to see what this house does for Christmas. 

While cooking today, I looked out the kitchen window and saw golfers on the course. A sighting that I have come to enjoy and appreciate. But here's the ironic analogy. When Mattie was in treatment, there was a hospital room that we often were in that faced Georgetown University's soccer field. The field was ALWAYS busy with "normal" activity. Back then, while Mattie and I were trapped inside the hospital living anything but a normal life, I would look out at the soccer field and it made me feel like I was imprisoned. That I wasn't living a life anymore that others on the OUTSIDE could understand or appreciate. Though Mattie's situation and my dad's are like night and day, aspects of feeling isolated and trapped are really quite similar. This golf course today triggered my memory of the soccer field, both evoking similar feelings.

Despite the fact that my dad dislikes leftovers, he agreed to have left over turkey today. At this point, I am sick of seeing this bird! But I put together another mini Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Unfortunately about 40 minutes into the eating process, my dad's irritable bowel syndrome kicked in. After helping him in the bathroom, eating was no longer appealing. I worry when I am not here, how my mom will balance eating at home. My dad no longer is emotionally or cognitively present with us when eating. He eats, but he is solely focused on that process and while eating he can have many requests and demands (as if he doesn't realize we are eating too), making it difficult to actually eat. I can balance this and eat faster, but my mom can't. So needless to say I am worried about both of them and their ability to eat and maintain weight. 
 

After dinner, I went into the garage and pulled out some Christmas decorations. Those of you who know me, know that I DO NOT decorate my own home for Christmas. I haven't since 2008, when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. After Mattie died, so did Christmas. But things can be challenging and at times depressing here. So I figured seeing some lights and holiday colors may help the situation.

Though I wanted to buy a real tree, my parents are opposed to one. My dad is afraid the house will catch on fire. I gave up rationalizing on this. While I was decorating my parents were both napping. I took them to get the second dosage of their shingles vaccine and it is my hope they won't get any side effects. Getting a shingles shot should be easy, but nothing was easy about this process today, as the pharmacy seemed dysfunctional and it took them over an hour to get to my parents. NOT because of other patients, they were just scattered and bordering on unprofessional. While waiting an hour to get their shots, my dad found a box of gloves by the pharmacy. He literally couldn't help himself and one by one he started taking gloves out of the box and stuffed 18 gloves in his pocket. I literally had to intervene because there is no filter or boundaries anymore.