Tuesday, August 24, 2021

Tuesday, August 24, 2021 -- Mattie died 621 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2008. That day the Magic Man (Bob, Mattie's head of the lower school) came over to teach Mattie some magic tricks. Bob is a professional magician (in addition to being a head of school and educator), a skill he learned from his father. In many ways, Bob and Mattie were a lot alike, and Mattie had a natural ability to learn these magic skills and perform them at the hospital. Magic was extremely therapeutic for Mattie and he looked forward to Bob's visits. In fact, Bob got to know many of the children in the hospital, as magic tricks attract curious minds! Bob took our minds off of cancer for hour practically each week, he was a devoted visitor and he even gave Mattie his own special magic bag filled with tricks. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 37,980,821
• Number of people who died from the virus: 629,891

I kept a whole bunch of sketches in my filing cabinet. Frankly I forgot all about them, until I started cleaning out files. As soon as I saw these drawings, I immediately knew it was Halloween of 2005! How do I know? Because on October 31 of 2005, Mattie was hospitalized. I had brought Mattie to see his pediatrician two days before Halloween. I told her I thought he had an ear infection. She looked and said no. She dismissed us and I got the feeling she thought I was a hypochondriac. Unfortunately two days later, Mattie's ear infection turned into sepsis and we took him to the ER and he spent several days in the hospital. Including Halloween. That year, Mattie and I designed a calico cat costume from scratch and he was looking forward to wearing it to preschool. It did not happen! Also the hospital we took Mattie to did not have a pediatric unit and therefore there was no child life specialist and no one helping a scared child celebrate Halloween. 

So I asked Mattie's nurse for paper and a pencil. Together we started creating. This is the series of drawings you are seeing! Because we rushed to the hospital, I literally had nothing with me to entertain Mattie. The hospital did not have anything either. 

Mattie titled this drawing... Mattie's map. 

"Mattie's web"

Mattie's "Bee Hive"

"A Picture of Mattie"

"The Stroller" 

Since Mattie hated ALL of his strollers, I think it was funny that he decided to depict a stroller. Yet when you look at it, NOTHING about it looks like a stroller.

In my filing cabinet, I had a whole bunch of Matisse cut outs. These are shapes that I had cut for my kindergarten  lecture series that I did at Mattie's school for 7 years in a row. 

Mattie and I used to share a bathroom. So of course in my cabinets there are Mattie things. Like his toothbrushes and his favorite bath toys. 

Mattie loved bath time and could spend hours in the water if I did not pull him out! It wasn't so much about getting clean, he was all about playing with toys in the water. 

On the towel bar in the bathroom, I have hung these pieces of jewelry for 12 years. These are pieces Mattie created in the oncology clinic. The problem with moving, besides the obvious, is that the new space won't have a Mattie room. So I will have to figure out AGAIN how to display his items in an appropriate way. It took me five years after Mattie died to figure out how to showcase his creativity in our home. I liked what I did and it actually causes me to expend a lot of emotion and time to take apart all these compositions. 

The walk in closet in Mattie's bedroom! This may be my all time favorite closet. Over the year, Peter put in shelves for me! I can't tell you how much I stored in this closet! Personal items, professional items, Foundation items, and the list goes on!  

Mattie's mobile in our kitchen. As of this evening, I can safely say that Peter and I packed up almost everything in our home. Between the two of us, we have moved everything but the furniture. Tomorrow morning the movers come to handle the furniture. However, my kitchen has NOT been packed up, so the rest of the week, I will be focused on that and cleaning out the townhouse. 

It is hard to believe that tonight is our last night here. I love this space, the privacy, the security, and the memories. I can still remember moving into this townhouse. I was in my twenties and Peter and I slept on the dining room floor the first night until our furniture arrived. I can picture those first couple of day as if it were yesterday.