Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. It was Mattie's second month on treatment, but it was before any of his limb salvaging surgeries. Therefore he was able to stand and walk around. He was far more independent at that point in time. Which was a good thing, as adjusting to life in a hospital and being on high dose chemotherapy was not for the meek. As you can see, Mattie could do a lot with all the items and gifts he received. In this particular case, he built a tower out of markers. I can't tell you all of the things we worked on, played with, and used to keep Mattie busy, engaged, and with diversions from the cancer reality.
Quote of the day: Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind. ~ Marcel Proust
At first I was thinking of a humorous hat, or one of my hats, but then I figured, he should wear something that belonged to him. This barrette was actually my dad's! Once I put it on his head, I had him look at himself in front of the mirror. He saw himself and laughed! I told him he was channeling his inner Monet! When he got downstairs, I snapped this photo before he had breakfast. I am so glad I did this, because I have been showing him this photo all day long. My dad had no recollection that a hat was on his head, he did not realize it was hat day, he did not observe others wearing hats, and he also said no one commented on his hat.
I know for certain that two out of the three are false. When I dropped my dad off this morning, the woman who helped him inside commented on his lovely hat and thanked him for a wearing a hat in honor of Services week. Of course once my dad goes inside, I have no idea if hats were being discussed or whether others commented on his hat. In addition, through the glass windows, I could see many other participants and staff members wearing hats. So though my dad doesn't remember seeing hats, I know that doesn't mean it didn't happen! I try to remind him of this and I am well aware that his memory span is about 30 seconds. I am not trying to be funny, I am quite serious.
While my dad was at his memory care center, I drove my mom to the hospital for her physical therapy session. The therapist is great with my mom, but both she and I know that my mom's memory is very challenged. The therapist will do an activity with her one week and the next week, it is like a completely NEW activity for my mom. She has to retention! Having memory issues makes it harder to re-qualify for therapy, and I have a feeling that my mom has been able to continue therapy for over 8 months straight because of my attendance, participation, and help reminding her about specific exercises at home.
After therapy, I got my mom back to the car and then I drove to CVS to pick up prescriptions for them. Once chores were complete, I picked up my dad at his memory care center and I drove them to Maryland for a late lunch. Peter is in Philadelphia for the week, and therefore, I have decided to take my parents out to eat a couple of days this week.
While eating, my mom was peppering my dad by asking him what he did at his memory care center today! This is a ritual I hear three times a week. My dad carries a notebook and pen in his shirt pocket. We remind him constantly to write notes to himself, to help him jog his memory about activities performed. Despite constant prompts, he doesn't remember to use his notebook. After spending 4-5 hours at his memory care center, when we pick him up, he can't recall ANYTHING he did that day. Not even what he did right before walking out to the car! It is extremely frustrating as his caregiver and yes I know he has a memory problem, but I also think there is a part of him that simply doesn't care, doesn't want to be bothered, and rather be a couch potato.
I used to have a specific routine with my dad each morning since he moved here in 2021. One was to write in his daily log book and the other was brain games. Slowly now over time, I have eliminated both activities. Brain games were eliminated first because I found that I was the one doing the puzzles and reading comprehension and he would hurry me along to get the activities over with. More recently, within the last two weeks, I have now stopped the daily logbook. Again this was something he didn't enjoy doing with me and when I would ask him questions about the book (something his speech therapist encouraged me to do), he would get borderline hostile. So I made the executive decision to stop the log, it was irritating him and making me angry. But I think it is unfortunate that he has no interest in using and exercising his brain. Just a sad commentary.
Lunch out was another disaster, where he had a bowel movement in his pants. I had to fully clean him and in the process of doing this, his fleece jacket landed up in the toilet bowl. Another thing I had to manage and take home and throw in the washing machine. I am on my third load of laundry, and this is just for today!
There are countless family caregivers in the United States every day doing what I do. I know there are, as I studied this for almost a decade in my doctoral program. But all I can say is caregiving for parents is hard to describe and I can appreciate why many adult children do not want to take this on within their own homes.
No comments:
Post a Comment